Post # 1
Hello! First time posting…
Here’s my dilemma. My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mother remarried when I was 6. I lived with my mother and step-father (whom I call “Dad”), and I had very regular visitations with my father (whom I also call “Dad,” but that’s probably a given). I wouldn’t call my Dads “friends” by any stretch, but they appear regularly at family functions, are extremely good to one another, and even buy each other Christmas gifts.
I’ve been dreading this moment for as long as I can remember. Now that I’m engaged, I have to decide what to do about the traditional give-your-daughter-away thing as well as the father-daughter-dance thing.
When my Mom first brought this up to me in adolescence as something I needed to prepare myself for, she suggested that one option they could both live with is if my Mom gave me away. But my Mom died when I was 22. (I’m now 36.)
I just don’t know what to do.
Now, my fiance and I are not the least bit traditional. In fact, his Mom is no longer alive, so there won’t be a mother-sun dance. We could easily skip out on this part of the program (if it weren’t for the fact that my father just mentioned last week that he’ll dance with me, despite a shoulder injury). But the giving away party? I suppose I could just not be given away.
What I’m doing is trying to avoid making a decision.
Both Dads would be utterly crushed if I chose one over the other. I’d like to somehow incorporate both of them.
I welcome ALL suggestions. Many thanks.
Post # 3
i guess one option is to split the walking down the aisle…. birth father at the beginning and then halfway down your stepdad
do your vows include the “who gives this bride” maybe they both can answer
or, one dad walks you down and the other dad answers the “who gives this bride” questions
yes the “who gives” is old fashion and possibly offensive but it might get you out of tight spot
Post # 4
Another option (other than the split) is to have them both walk you down the aisle together (one on either side)? Or walk down by yourself!
As far as the father/daughter dance if one wants to do it you probably would offend the other one – so one could start dancing with you and the other could cut in half way through and finish the dance!?!?!
This is a happy time for you it shouldn’t be super stressful – what do you want – do you want a father/daughter dance? Do you want someone to walk you down the aisle?
Post # 5
I have my dad and step dad as well. Both are walking me down the aisle, and both get half of the father daughter dance. Normally I would do 2 dances, but I didn’t want to drag that part of the reception on for too long.
Post # 6
I agree with Future Mrs Martin, have them both walk you down the isle. Obviously both men love you so just ask them to do it together. I bet they would be totally ok with it.
Post # 7
My fiance’s cousin had both her father and step-father walk her down the aisle, one on each side, and it was perfect. Growing up she had planned on having her mother walk her down the aisle. Unfortunately her mom passed about a month after she got engaged. She choose not to do a father-daughter dance and danced with her brother instead.
Post # 8
my dad and stepdad will both walk me down the aisle if i ever get engaged lol! i think it is great to incorporate both of them since they have both been in your life and both love you so much.
Post # 9
(I assume you’re all ladies!)
Thank you so much for your kind words and thoughtful suggestions. I shouldn’t be stressing over something like this. They’re both grown men. And I’m confident they’ll both respect my wishes.
PS: Keep them coming!