(Closed) dealing with different sleeping schedules

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My husband and I have that same issue.  On weekends, I have to be at work at 6:30 (and I live an hour away from work) so I’m up around 4:30am.  During the week, he has to be at work at 6am (he has a desk job but he likes to go in early to be done at 3) and I don’t get up until 6:30.  (Confusing, huh?).  

This sounds really silly, but when I go to bed earlier than he does (which is the majority of the time), I basically have him come up to bed and lay there with me for a few minutes and we can talk about our day, etc.  I usually start to fall asleep and then he goes back to whatever he was doing.  This is also a good time for “intimate” time.  I usually “go to bed” a little early and then it doesn’t impact either of our sleep.  It’s kind of our compromise to each other – I need someone there when I’m falling asleep, but once I’m asleep (or close to it), he is free to get back up and do his thing until he is ready for bed.

Post # 4
439 posts
Helper bee

My sleep schedule is polar opposite of my FI’s.  I work/go to school from 8-5.  He’s a chef, so he works 2-10 or later most days.  I’m in bed by the time he gets home, and I’m up by 6 to work out.  He’s still sleeping when I get up.  It will be this way the rest of our lives, but we knew that coming in to this.

Post # 5
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I’m a teacher too so I’m usually in bed between 9-10:30. The fella on the otherhand is still studying and is a major night owl. He too stays up late gaming. We haven’t really discussed our different sleep schedules, but I usually announce I’m going to bed, he comes in and we chat and cuddle for about half and hour and then he goes back to gaming and I go to sleep. It’s getting to the stage now where most of the time I can’t sleep if he’s in the room for too long (sounds so bad I know!!) and it’s sooo hard to haul myself out of bed early in the morning when the fella gets to sleep in! I keep telling myself it’ll all change when the fella is working full time too, and I’m just hoping we can one day get into a nice routine where we go to bed at the same time!

Post # 6
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We have a similar problem.  Fiance doesn’t have a regular M-F schedule so his sleep schedule always changes.  He also needs a lot less sleep than I do, so when it’s 10:30 and I already feel like I’m up too late, that’s not a good time to have a roll in the hay (Young Frankenstein, anyone?)

Post # 7
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

i used to attend a zero period high school that started at 6:55 =]. That being said, i start work at 7am and i cannot believe your husband goes to bed at 11 or 12! I’d be a walking zombie if I pulled those hours!

Irregardless, my husband and I go to bed about the same time (sometimes he stays up to watch a ball game, but i always go to bed at the same time; i just ask he keeps the volume down) but he works later than me (11:00 or noon, sometimes 2 pm, depending on when he’s needed) and just sleeps in. I set all my clothes out and turn on only the bathroom light and dress quietly, then shut the bedroom door while i get my coffee and pack my lunch.

If video games are interfering with your sex life, you need to bring it up. Seriously, video games versus sex….shouldn’t be a tough decision on his part =]. In fact, i’d be pretty ticked about that.

You don’t have to force him to get up, but you could certainly encourage it and remind him of the exercising he wants to do. I’ve been trying to get my husband to do that, but he hasn’t taken the bait so far.

Our sleep schedules during the week don’t allow for a lot of frisky business, which i’m okay with–i’d be falling asleep at my desk the next day and I shower at night, so I’d feel like i had to get up extra early to shower, so we’re mostly weekend kind of people unless we’re both in bed super early or something strange. If anything, you could go for “quick” stuff, versus full on sex if that’s an option.

But, i also don’t have a dependency on sleeping with him because we were long distance for years. I pass out, husband or no husband, if it’s bed time. Laughing

Post # 8
4669 posts
Honey bee

Mee!!! here!!! I work 2 jobs so I’m usually in bed way before midnight (think 9pm last night). up around 8/9 some days as early as 630. Mr.TKE on the otherhand works from home at his own schedule. I was startled from sleep at 205 to Mr.TKE truning on the TV to watch it after getting some work done. Meaning he probably didn’t come to bed till like 4am.

The other day when he came to bed at 4am I got up and couldn’t get back to sleep, and he couldn’t get to sleep. So we started singing. In the end we sang: row row row your boat and happy birthday in rounds. I couldn’t stop singing God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are crazy. Mr.TKE was singing Oh Canada (we’re both from US) and Hey Jude (Beatles). He was humming something very loudly in my ear for about 10 min while I was trying to fall asleep then he fell asleep and I was up from 4am-1030that night.

I’ve tried to get him on my sleep schedule, but it doesn’t work. I’ve even had a heart to heart with him about never spending time w/ him bc when I’m home he’s sleeping or working. When I’m at work, he’s doing the same thing…but different I guess.

We do have problems knocking boots though because I want to (really bad Wink ) and he’s on the mindset, eh, whenever. Even when I want to and he does too he’s like oh, I’m so tired and not in the mood. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!

Post # 9
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i reaaaaally don’t think you should suggest he goes to bed at 9 or 10 with you. I might be biased bc I’m a night owl, but going to bed at 9pm would make me feel like I’m in elementary school and my mom gave me a bed time. Regardless of what time I have to wake up in the morning, if I go to bed before 11 I just lay there and toss and turn and get annoyed that I had to go to bed early. So in terms of actual SLEEPING together? I think you’re going to have to settle for weekends. In terms of sex, why does it have to be after you go to bed? You said you’re already doing it sometimes when you get home from work. If you want it when you go to bed, just initiate. It doesn’t have to be that you both go to bed and then have sex and then sleep. It could be you have sex, then you go to bed and he plays video games. And who knows… after the sex he could be worn out enough that he wants to go to bed at 10pm anyways 🙂 

Post # 10
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I agree with CorgiTales.  You could have sex then he could still be awake afterwards if he wants to.  We work completely opposite shifts so the only time we’re in bed at the same time is if I have a day off or on Friday nights (I work 12am-8am, he works or goes to school during the day when I’m asleep) so sex for us always has to happen at times other than bedtime or on Friday, which is also an option.  Also have you thought about waking him up in the morning before you leave? My fiance personally likes it when I wake him up to have sex but I know not everyone would be pleased with that.  It sucks that our schedules our different but that’s how it is for now.

Post # 11
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My new Darling Husband and I have a similar situation!  It’s rough.  He works as a Nurse so sometimes he’s transitioning to night-shift then back to day-shift then back again.  Sometimes on night shift I don’t even get to see him for 3-4 days!  He’ll get home right after I leave for work in the am. 

Our solution so far it just to do what’s best for each of us.  I’ll say no sometimes for sleep and he’ll let me finish watching my shows to be in bed by 10.  It is okay to say no sometimes!  It’s not fair to you to miss sleep all the time!  Making sure you each have needs and sleep needs met is very important! 

DH gets up at 530 and me at 7 so we try to do nice things for each other like make breakfast/coffee/lunch either in the morning or after the other person has gone to sleep.

Post # 12
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

In todays world unfortunatly I don’t think there is a “normal” married couple. IMO I think a lot of  of people have to adapt to different work schedules and sleep schedules. You have to do the best you can with what you have. I definitly would not try and make him adapt to your sleep schedule cause I think that would back fire, atleast for me it has in the past, he gets really upset. My FH is a nigh owl. He work 2pm-10pm and loves to stay up late till like 3 or 4am or later:) Now I work similar hours to him 3pm-11pm most of the time but I still go to bed before him usually around 1-2am, later if I can keep myself awake. He loves that i stay up late with him, LOVES it. It’s a give and take, I try to stay up late so we can spend more time together, and somtimes he will come to bed with me earlier, or come lay with me and cuddle for awhile. He also gives me homemade coupon books, with coupons like come to bed now, or cuddle time, or sex or clean the kitchen. When used there can be no complaining about it, his rules. He loves it and so do I, it’s fun. As for the video games, my guy loves them, sometimes they are annoying to me but it is what he enjoys/loves and i wouldn’t want him trying to deter me from things I enjoy just beacuse he doesn’t like them. You each need your own time, I have learned that after 6 years together. So I have mentioned to him it would be nice if he could skip a night once in a while or post pone for a couple hours so we could have some time togther and he was ok with that. He always plays late after I go to bed so he makes sure to be quiet and i close the bedroom door. Basically I think it is a give and take if you want lots of sex you will probably have to sacrifice some sleep time, IMO, we have to. But I don’t think it is fair to try and change his sleep pattern or hobbies for your benifit. Marriage is a team effort. Sorry if anything came out wrong, not trying to be mean or anything just my opinion.

Post # 13
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Fiance suffers from bouts of insomnia and i have narcoleptic tendencies (i.e. fall asleep on the couch two minutes into whatever tv show we’re watching). still, we try to get in bed at the same time as each other–usually between 10:30 and 11:30. i fall asleep way before him most nights but he likes to read with a small reading light or watch tv softly.

Post # 14
16 posts
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Darling Husband and I also have that problem.  I work days and he works nights.  My schedule can be a little flexible so I have started going in to work an hour later so that I am not already in bed when he gets home.  I am not sure how this is going to work in the long run but we are giving it a try.  I would have to laugh sometimes when people would ask why I was so tired and all I wanted to say was cause I stayed up to have sex with my husband. 🙂 

Post # 15
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

My husband and I have a similar situation. He normally wakes up between 4 and 6:30, depending on his schedule, so normally has to go to sleep at the latest by 10:30. I don’t go to sleep until around 1am. However, I would be really annoyed if he asked me to wake up that early with him. When he is waking up really early (before 6:30), he normally sleeps in another room so we don’t wake each other up. On those nights, I lie with him for a while right before he goes to sleep. It seems like the perfect solution for you, too. Ask your hubby to get into bed with you at like 9:30 (don’t know how long sexy time takes you but that seems like a bunch of time…sorry if I’m totally off). That way you don’t have to worry about doing it earlier, and he still has the extra hour or so to hang out w/ his computer friends.

Post # 16
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Im a nurse and I work 7 at night to 7 in the morning random days throughout the week… my FH works m-f 7 to 6 during the day… there could be a week stretch thatI dont even see him… forget about not getting enough sleep its not even an option. Plus the staying up all night really messes with your head… definitely puts a big damper on sexy time… when there is actual time..

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