(Closed) Dealing with difficult family members (bit of a vent)

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like you need to put some boundaries in place with her. Firmly restate your wishes, if she yells inform her that you are happy to talk when she is ready to speak calmly and not yell, and hang up the phone! You can’t stop her from coming to where you live, but you can control who stays in your home and when/if you will see her. It sounds harsh, but she is being very rude and disrespectful of your wishes, and it seems like she is just expecting you to give in, but it seems like for you and Darling Husband it’s too important for that. So stand your ground girl, you can do it!

Post # 4
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I definitely agree with what Utopia4us said. It’s great that your husband and you are taking the first steps to sticking to your guns. The two of you know what’s best for your new little family! πŸ™‚

Post # 5
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Oh, for sure. I won’t get too into the details but you are on the right track with thinking that having stressful family members visiting at a bad time for you is not a good idea at all. I don’t think you need to tiptoe around her. Just say no.

Post # 7
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@cbee:  aww it’s completely understandable that you’re apprehensive to have that conversatiion with her, she sounds very unpleasant to deal with! I find it’s helpful to have concrete ideas of what behaviours you are willing to put up with and what you aren’t and stick to your guns when she crosses a line. It’s hard but you will feel better for it!

Post # 8
Member
1760 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Is it your side of the family or dh’s?  If possible can you talk to another family member to maybe re-mind ‘crazy soon to be aunt’ that she can’t just decide to be a burden on your new little family and to respect your wishes?  Or if it’s dh’s side maybe see if he can talk to her?  I have crazy family but they aren’t that bad… yet.  Good luck dear! 

Post # 9
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ughhh! Just hold your ground and keep telling her it’s not going to happen till the Summer. It’s your decision whether or not you want visitors, not hers! Maybe consider recruiting other family members to tell her not to intrude on your privacy, etc…

My Darling Husband and I ended up cutting his family off b/c they flipped out when we said that July was a really bad time for them to visit us (I was due the week they wanted to come and we had a very poor relationship w/ them anyway), but this was after a lifetime of abuse, it was the straw that broke the camels back. This is a very extreme example though!

Post # 10
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I’m pretty much a push over with family so I don’t have any solid advice but like everyone else said, stand your ground. I don’t understand how anyone besides the parents can be so pushy with baby matters. It is not their call to make. Unless the parents are incapable of raising a child, why should the opinion of anyone else matter. I don’t care if its their neice or grandchild or whatever. It’s your CHILD. Ugh. I’m fustrated for you.

Post # 11
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I just last night started a thread about dealing with my difficult MIL and my new baby, so you have my sympathy! I wish I knew how to set boundaries.

 

Post # 12
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Seriously? Screw her. Your baby, your rules. If she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t have to visit at all πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@cbee: Thank you! Well done for emailing πŸ™‚ Keep me posted on how things go x

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