(Closed) Dealing with divorce as a newlywed

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow, that’s horrible. And weird. So they were just pretending to be together in front of everyone? Whaaaaaat?! 

I know this isn’t a “good” answer, but I think you should try to decide who you want to keep in your life. Of course make every effort to keep them both in your life, but eventually (in my experience) one of them will drift away. It’s just hard as a couple-no-more to keep the same friends.

Don’t let this bother you too much. I know it would feel like a sad thing, but maybe they’re happier this way?

Post # 4
263 posts
Helper bee

As someone who got divorced after six months of marriage (my ex was cheating), a few things you can do – first, don’t refer to divorce as “failing”. Telling them that they’re a failure for something that is actually pretty common and sometimes the healthiest choice a couple can make, is not going to exactly ingratiate them to you.

Second, be there for them. Offer to help. Don’t judge. Listen. You may have all had the rosy glasses wedding planning experiences together, and now they are going through another huge life experience, one that you don’t have first hand experience of, but you can still be super supportive, both physically and emotionally. 

Third, don’t take sides, but also don’t pass information. Keep your friendships separate. Focus on the individuals, rather than the couple. If you do take sides, do so gently. And understand that in some instances, one individual might not choose to stay friends with you – don’t take it personally.

Fourth, don’t be the obnoxious newlywed friends who are constantly touching, sharing inside jokes, can’t be apart for an evening. Do girls nights, guys nights, have one-on-one conversations. Don’t overwhelm them with the fact that we’re a couple! because if they’re struggling with the divorce emotionally, it’ll feel like you’re rubbing it in their face. Save the snuggles for when you’re home alone.

Post # 5
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well, you start by treating them the same as your single or married friends.  The same basic rules of friendship apply regardless of marital status – don’t spread gossip about them, keep inviting them to things like you normally would, and accept the fact that one or both may want to put some distance between themselves and everyone else. 

Post # 6
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d:  I have been divorced.  Sometimes you lose friends, sometimes you gain friends.  Frankly anyone that wanted to hang out with my douche of an ex even after they knew the things he did are people I do not want to associate with anyway!

There isnt really much you can do.  If you want to remain friends with both, then you really cannot be a confidant to either because you’ll be biased.

Post # 7
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Divorce can be contagious in a group of couples.  When I got divorced, two other couples quickly joined us in also filing for divorce.  I’m convinced that when we filed for divorce, it forced them to really look at their relationships and decide they were unhappy enough to also get divorced; plus it reduced some of the embarassment for them since they weren’t the only ones getting divorced.

Use their divorces as insight on how to strengthen your marriage.  Without prying, find out what wasn’t working and use the information to stengthen your marriage.

As far as keeping friends in a divorce, at some point you or they will have to make the choice as to whether to maintain the friendship or not.  I lost a lot of friends during my divorce because they were friends with my ex or they didn’t want to deal with my emotions following the divorce.  It was a very lonely time for me.

Post # 8
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It’s not easy…you just have to handle it with sensitivity..be diplomatic if either of them point fingers or talk aobut it….just let them each know you care and want to be there. That’s really all you can do. As for your group, it’ won’t be the same.

Hubs and I went through this shortly before our wedding too…a couple split and it made thigns rather awkward. It used to be like they were our family and there werne’t ever gatherings where they weren’t there…and now it’s still so strange and it’s been over a year. I just saw the ex wife in my situation…and she just expressed how hard it is on her new partner who doesn’t like her haning out with the friends of her ex..and what a mess it’s been for her to deal with. Her ex and my hubs were besties…and now he hardly answers my husband’s inivations to hang out…I think it all reminds him too much of how things used to be so yeah…in my experience our group has never been the same…pretty much we found new friends recently and started hanging with them….hopefully these two stay together! 

Post # 9
5064 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2014

As someone who separated from their husband after 6 months. (He cheated) 

Divorce is so traumatic, it doesn’t just affect the couple involved…The ripples are massive! I have lost so many “friends” especially newlywed and couples. They did indeed pick sides, however it’s taught me who my real friends are. 


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