Post # 1
I once thought that showers and bachelorette parties were celebrations thrown by the bridal party or family of the bride, in honor of the upcoming marriage and to ease the burden of filing the couples home. But it seems like I have more than one friend who has turned them into self centered entitlements in which they dictated every aspect of the events. It’s beyond frustrating, especially since I am someone who geniuenly wants to help and throw awesome parties for my awesome friends. But as their dates get closer I find myself becoming more and more appalled by their behavior. I’m also less interested in thier weddings and friendships in general.
I don’t think wedding drama is worth losing a lifetime friend over, but how do I press forward with a smiling happy face when all I can think about it ‘look at what you turned into!!’
Sorry for the vague rant. Maybe I’m the one being a brat?? Has anyone else felt like their friendships changed after people started getting engaged and planning weddings?
Post # 2
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Well that sucks. And I’m sorry it’s happening to you, but to be totally honest I’ve never really understood the point of engagement parties, unless it’s a really long engagement.
I can’t imagine how irritating it would be to have people trying to dictate a party that someone else was throwing for them. 🙁
Post # 3
I saw this post as I was just about to post my own, and I can’t help but wonder if you and I are in the same bridal party. You are DEFINITELY not alone with this feeling, and I can feel my friendship with my bride friend changing.
Post # 4
LAX03: I absolutely know what you’re talking about. I don’t consider myself a bad friend but at a certain point it’s like “OK, you’re getting married. Congrats to you and your fiancé. It’s not my wedding and I shouldn’t be expected to care that much!”
If your friend is willing to treat you like garbage for the sake of a party she’s not worth your time.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Hugs and deep breaths. Weddings can certainly bring out the self-centered side of people. I experienced that with one friend. At one point while planning the shower, my friend’s Mother said to me, “I don’t know who this bride is, but she is not my daughter.” Even the bride’s own Mother could not recognize and reconcile this behavior. However, 2 days after the wedding my friend was 100% herself again. “The Bride” was gone, and she was back to being the thoughtful, considersate, low-key person we all know and love. Do I look back on that period of friendship with a smile? Not so much. But our friendship is more than that 1 year of “The Bride.”
I’m saying this to offer you some hope. People can change with weddings, but that does not mean it will be a permanent change, and it doesn’t have to ruin a friendship.
Post # 6
LAX03: Threads like this just absolutely floor me.
A shower and bachelorette party is a gift from the wedding party to the bride. When on earth did brides – let alone their mothers – get the idea they got to plan the party of their dreams and stick their friends with the bill?
It is absolutely outrageous that the MOB and Maid/Matron of Honor planned a party and booked a venue and sent the rest of the BM’s a bill without ever consulting any of you. Outrageous. Neither you or the other bridesmaids owe these awful women a single penny and you shouldn’t let them bully or embarrass you into paying for their party.
If I were you, I would email the Maid/Matron of Honor and simply say that you can contribute x toward the party. No apologies, no further explanations. If she or the MOB push back, explain that if they had consulted you prior to booking the venue, you would have told them then that kind of party was beyond your budget And as you weren’t consulted, you do not feel obligated to foot the bill.
They wanted this party – they can pay for it.
Post # 7
Aquaria: thank you! I’m glad to know it’s not just me who has ever felt this way.
lovekiss: I’m glad to hear things worked out for you and your friend. I’m not sure about myself. It’s only gotten worse since I started this thread (ie she went online and found a specific ‘throne’ for her sister to order so she didn’t have to sit on a regular chair while opening presents). I resent her more and more everyday and sadly chose her as my Maid/Matron of Honor before all this went down. And I cant wait to have nothing to do with her.
Not it that I expect my friends to bend over backwards for me, and I certainly didn’t do the thinga I did for them expecting something in return. It was actually my fiancé who brought up that I let my friends walk all over me, and that I do TOO much for them. And he’s worried that a narcissistic person like this is going to be totally absent when it comes to my wedding or doing things that aren’t for her benefit and attention. And I’m worried he has a point.
Is is all this worth losing a best friend since before college? Or is this another part of life and as I call it the natural selection of shedding friends?
Post # 8
I am going through the same exact thing!! I wrote a post about it a couple of weeks ago! I decided in February I didn’t want her in my wedding party and am her moh. It’s only gotten worse since then and I also had her mom yell at me. I was thinking it was because she was 20 and immature but apparently that’s not the one reason people act like this. It’s really shown her and her moms true colors, but they want to blame it all on me. It’s really a shitty place to be put. I’m so sorry you’re going through this too.
Post # 9
I lost my bestfriend before her wedding even happened (I decided to drop out of her wedding, and we never spoke again) and it haunts me to this day. I feel really bad, and most of all I just plain miss her. Just don’t make any rash decisions because after the wedding is done, while you may have some hurt feelings, it won’t feel as bad as it does to not have your bestie there to go to the movies, chat over coffee or maybe one day tell you how much of a bridezilla you are being yourself. Sometimes, the way one family may do weddings is different than how you and your family do weddings, and that’s okay, and you have to make the decision whether one day is worth sacrificing an inportant piece of your life.<br />Like you @LAX03 I wanted to be included in the planning and whatnot, but in hindsight, it wasn’t worth losing my best friend of 23 years over.
Post # 10
I’m the bride and I have the other problem with a complaining bm, but my bm and your bride will probably behave the same way when it’s your/her turn!
One of my girls attended the shower as a guest – didn’t help w/ set-up, came late, and left earlier than most. When she arrived, she didn’t even ask if she could help with anything. She ate the most food and complained about still being hungry. On top of that, her gift was something not on the registry, not my taste, and really ugly. It didn’t look like anything she would ever get herself either so immediately I knew it must have been on sale for dirt cheap or she re-gifted it to me. It wasn’t about how much she spent at all. One of the bridesmaids does not have a lot of money, and she got me a card & a small $5-10 gift that made me laugh/smile.
The worst part is girls like your bride and my bridesmaid are the opposite when it comes to their/others wedding. I know for a fact my bridesmaid is going to expect the freakin’ moon when she gets married. I had to spend a ton of money for her birthday and all she said was “oh well.” I have been to at least 5 of her birthdays that required me to get hotel and road trip or pay for airfare. For mine, she told me she plans to celebrate someone else.
Your bride will probably not return the favor for your wedding and make comments about the costs. I agree that it’s not worth losing a friend over, but I will remember this when it’s her turn to get married. It’s sad that I considered her a close friend but she has shown that she will not put in any effort/time when it comes to my life. Had I known this sooner, I would not have asked her to be in my wedding, but it seems people’s true colors come out after it’s too late.