(Closed) Dealing with Family at the Holidays (Vent)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@AmeliaBedelia: I’m sorry your going through this, I know how ugly people can get when money is involved.  I was just ignore his remark, and pretend like it never happened.  You are paying back like you agreed, and thats all there is to it.  If family decides to help family out in time of trouble, its called being a family, and there shouldn’t be any judgement.

Post # 5
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@AmeliaBedelia: I’m sorry, that’s really sucky that he would make such assumptions and such an accusation upon you. Something about this seems wrong to me. That your step-dad would be in charge of the estate seems legit enough. That he would therefore have access to knowledge of your arrangement with your grandparents…okay. That he would then start harassing you about what he thinks is going on…? Not cool. Do you feel he would swindle you out of your agreement somehow…? Take the money you are paying back into the “loan” and say it was never paid or something? Something seems off and unsettling about his remark beyond the insult. Be very careful to document everything, have your agreement on hand and records in order, receipts of payment, etc. all very clear should you ever be challenged further on this.

I’d stop him in his tracks by calling him, no text or email. Don’t let him push you and Fiance around like that. That is cruel. Say that you and Fiance did not ask for money; it was a prior arrangement with your grandparents, agreed to in writing. Say that you can understand, him not having all the facts, why he would make such an assumption, but you and Fiance (together as a united force!) do not appreciate his accusation. Then say that you both forgive him for it and look forward to seeing him and the family during the holidays. The end. Don’t let him ask you more about it, and don’t explain any further. Just be short and clear, all sugary sweet with your facts and end the call.

Whatever you do, I hope you can get past this and have a beautiful holiday. Hang in there.

 

Post # 6
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@AmeliaBedelia: Yeah, I wouldn’t let his personal issues effect your life.  Honestly, ignore his comment, and know that your grandparents wanted you to have this money… I wouldn’t take out another loan to pay it back.  They agreed to these terms and you are following them completely.  It isn’t his buisness, let him be miserable to someone else.  I hope you have a great holiday, just try not to let others try to put you down.

Post # 8
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Families + estates + money = nasty, crazy fights, comments and feelings.

I dont know what to tell you except that when someone dies and the estate/funds are being sorted out, it brings out the worst in people. Sides of loved ones surface that you never even expected! Just keep a clear mind and don’t fight – state the facts and move on. Don’t dwell on it and make your point clear. I’m talking from experience. If it isn’t his business, then make him know that.

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