Post # 1
So, without fail, my family always has some sort of “drama” around the holidays. I guess since there are so many of us something is bound to happen, right? But this year it just seems unnecessary. Why wait until December 23 to bring THIS up?
My step-dad is basically “in charge” of my Nanny’s estate. My Papa passed away 2 months ago, and he’s setting everything up for her. I got an ugly text message this morning about “What were you and Fiance thinking, asking them for money?”
Okay…first of all? Didn’t ask. Second of all, it was a LOAN, they weren’t just GIVING us money. Third…they have plenty of money. Trust me. The loan was for about $7,000, which we are in the process of paying back. We pay it monthly, the exact agreed upon (in writing!) amount. They didn’t want us to pay interest on the money for something we needed, so they offered to “be the bank” and we’re paying it back interest free.
I know, we’re incredibly lucky…but I’m pretty pissed that he thinks it’s any of his business and that he had the nerve to insinuate that we ASKED for this. It actually made me cry because I felt attacked. We did NOT ask for any sort of money, we never do. I would never ask for money! If I can’t figure out a way to get something then Fiance and I reevaluate. It just ticks me off.
We were having a discussion about the thing that we needed, they asked how we’d pay, we said most likely just get a loan because we didn’t have 7K in cash at that moment. (We’d just gotten a house.) My family is always weird about money and always want to be up in eachother’s business about it. It pisses me off because I’m the oldest so I go through things first. I feel like I’m the warning bells to my other siblings. Don’t accept that loan! Don’t do it! It will only cause you headaches! My family is just so fun sometimes. *rolls eyes*
I needed to vent. I assume some of you may share his opinion and some of you might see it for what it is.
Post # 3
@AmeliaBedelia: I’m sorry your going through this, I know how ugly people can get when money is involved. I was just ignore his remark, and pretend like it never happened. You are paying back like you agreed, and thats all there is to it. If family decides to help family out in time of trouble, its called being a family, and there shouldn’t be any judgement.
Post # 4
Yeah he definitely doesn’t think that way. If you can’t do it yourself completely, then you shouldn’t do it. But he grew up in a very strict, “we don’t hug or kiss or act lovingly” kind of family. His mother didn’t like my two little brothers when we were young because “they were dirty and made too much noise.” He has never been my favorite person.
Thank you for posting/understanding! I was just really frustrated with the whole thing and Fiance got angry when I told him because we are paying it back. We’re tempted to just go get a regular loan and pay it all back in a lump sum. It’s just stupid. It’s none of his business and he should have just shut the hell up, in my opinion. He didn’t have to “agree” with something that had 0 to do with him.
Post # 5
@AmeliaBedelia: I’m sorry, that’s really sucky that he would make such assumptions and such an accusation upon you. Something about this seems wrong to me. That your step-dad would be in charge of the estate seems legit enough. That he would therefore have access to knowledge of your arrangement with your grandparents…okay. That he would then start harassing you about what he thinks is going on…? Not cool. Do you feel he would swindle you out of your agreement somehow…? Take the money you are paying back into the “loan” and say it was never paid or something? Something seems off and unsettling about his remark beyond the insult. Be very careful to document everything, have your agreement on hand and records in order, receipts of payment, etc. all very clear should you ever be challenged further on this.
I’d stop him in his tracks by calling him, no text or email. Don’t let him push you and Fiance around like that. That is cruel. Say that you and Fiance did not ask for money; it was a prior arrangement with your grandparents, agreed to in writing. Say that you can understand, him not having all the facts, why he would make such an assumption, but you and Fiance (together as a united force!) do not appreciate his accusation. Then say that you both forgive him for it and look forward to seeing him and the family during the holidays. The end. Don’t let him ask you more about it, and don’t explain any further. Just be short and clear, all sugary sweet with your facts and end the call.
Whatever you do, I hope you can get past this and have a beautiful holiday. Hang in there.
Post # 6
Yeah, I wouldn’t let his personal issues effect your life. Honestly, ignore his comment, and know that your grandparents wanted you to have this money… I wouldn’t take out another loan to pay it back. They agreed to these terms and you are following them completely. It isn’t his buisness, let him be miserable to someone else. I hope you have a great holiday, just try not to let others try to put you down.
Post # 7
@Cornflakegirl: That he would then start harassing you about what he thinks is going on…?
<– Exactly. He wasn’t there, he wasn’t part of any discussion. It was my grandparents and us. Luckily, I don’t think there is a possibility of him taking the money, but only because I hand it directly to my Nanny and she writes and signs a receipt. She has very distinct handwriting, so I don’t think that could ever be an issue. We have the agreement in writing (our copy and theirs) and we have all subsequent receipts saved just in case.
I very much like and appreciate your suggestion as to how to deal with him. Once Fiance gets off work he and I will have to further discuss it because I know he’s pretty ticked off too.
Thank you. He is very much “like that,” so at least it wasn’t new/a total shock. I’m just over it and no longer replying to any messages he sends. I’m tired of being guilt-tripped for things I didn’t ask for and treated as if we’re NOT holding up our end of the bargain…or rather, that the fact that we are is inconsequential.
Post # 8
Families + estates + money = nasty, crazy fights, comments and feelings.
I dont know what to tell you except that when someone dies and the estate/funds are being sorted out, it brings out the worst in people. Sides of loved ones surface that you never even expected! Just keep a clear mind and don’t fight – state the facts and move on. Don’t dwell on it and make your point clear. I’m talking from experience. If it isn’t his business, then make him know that.