(Closed) Dealing with “feminine” emotions

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Well first off, male or female doesn’t matter, if a person bottles their emotions and never lets them out they are more likely to die from stress related health problems. So it’s HEALTHY to cry. Seriously, tons of health benefits there.

Secondly, no one should ever try to be the “perfect fiance” or wife, or friend. The real you should be fine. Otherwise you aren’t being genuine with someone who would likely love you anyway.

You seem to recognize that this is more your issue than his, which is fine. But don’t be afraid of playing into stereotypes because you feel the need to speak up or let emotions out. You can do those things without going psycho and slashing tires. You’re female yes, but you’re also human and you’re only doing what is natural for you to do.

Post # 4
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is there a reason why you’re so afraid of showing those kind of emotions? Did you have a previous relationship where someone told you you were wrong to be sad or want reassurance? I’m just curious why this is such an issue for you at this time, since it sounds like your Fiance has not been making you feel that way but rather it’s coming from someplace else.

Post # 5
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You shouldn’t try to bottle them up. they are there for a reason lol. Bottling it up does nothing helpful, you are more likely to explode latter on causing more problems than just being yourself now. I wish I knew this a while back. I used to just pretend to be all happy all the time and try not to show my emotions and then they just got too much and exploded everywhere… it was ugly.

Post # 6
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

It sounds like a deeply rooted issue, and you’re just noticing it more with Fiance. I didn’t cry for YEARS, literally. The day I finally let it all out was so freeing and exhilirating. Now I cry whenever I feel like it.

I think working through the issues would help you out a lot. It took me a while to realize why I didn’t cry (I didn’t think I could; thought I had to be “the strong one,” etc) — then it still took some time to become comfortable with showing emotions. Like @KatyElle: said, it’s healthy to cry. It is beneficial to experience your emotions NOW, rather than later. Now you just need to figure out why it is that you can’t.

Post # 7
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m EXACTLY the same way! And especially since my relationship right now is semi-long distance, I think it just makes me bottle them up even more.

I think the most important thing to remember is that your Fiance is going to love you regardless and I’m pretty sure that he rather you be upfront with him right away then stress yourself out. You also have to realize that expressing your feelings doesn’t necessarily make you needy or cingy, we all have to express our emotions.

I’m trying to work on this too, so I can’t wait to read some of the responses the other bees come up with.

Post # 12
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee

@NanaimoBar: I totally understand where you’re coming from though. One of my friends and I dubbed it the “Good Girlfriend Syndrome” (neither of us are engaged yet) because sometimes its just so unconscious in our behavior to either not want to make a big deal of when we are upset about something or to not be that girlfriend that can’t live without her SO for five mins.

So what we (my friend and I) did was promise each other that we’ll make sure to push the other to talk to their SOs when either of us had a problem that really did need to be talked about and to let each other vent about the small things.

I know that it wouldn’t solve all our problems, but it did make me feel better that I wasn’t nagging him about random things. And having a friend to be accountable to really helped me speak up.

If you wanted, I totally wouldn’t mind helping you out like this Smile

Post # 13
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@NanaimoBar: Hm. I kind of get what you mean though. I usually make a joke after I cry…like “heh, now I look all pretty.” Unless it’s with Fiance. I ugly-cry in front of him. haha.

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