(Closed) Dealing with In-Laws

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Is there any way your Fiance can bring it up to them? I think he should address the issue because it’s his parents.

Post # 4
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree FH should be the one to bring this up. It’s great that they are so family oriented but this is something that could start causing resentment and other issues, what if you want to spend time with your side? Are they going to have a fit over that? Also is it possible to just say no? You don’t even have to give a reason. If they invite you over just politely say no thank you. If they want a reason just say we want to stay in tonight or we want to do xyz, or better yet don’t give a reason, just say no.

Post # 5
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

Your Fiance needs to handle this 100%.

An invite is just that, an invite.  And they can demand things until the cows come home but that doesn’t mean you have to oblige.  If your Fiance wants to spend his birthday with just you two, he needs to tell his family that that is what he wants and they can have dinner a day later or something.

For holidays, come up with a schedule that works for YOU AND Fiance.  And stick to it.  You need to sit down with the Fiance and discuss how many times you would like to visit each week so it doesn’t take over your lives and then only go to dinner that many times a week or whatever.  You are setting a boundary and of course they will be mad, but you need to stick to your guns!

Post # 7
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I completely understand where you are coming from.  My SO is the youngest of a large family and for the first two years we were dating this was super stressful because essentially we spent all of our time with them.   You have to have your Fiance break the news that you are “unable to attend”….”sorry but we will have to catch you next weekend”….and gradually you will work in to a more spacious schedule with them.

Let me just warn that at first Future Mother-In-Law was not happy about this initially, but another two years later she realizes that we have very busy lives and truly cherish time with just the two of us.  If you continue to give in and do things so often it will just make it harder!!

Sooo…. have your Fiance let them know you will be unavailable and it’s almost better to not give any reason at all.  

Goodluck… let us know how things play out? Smile

Post # 8
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You CAN just say no and you should.  My brother went through something similar with his wife and they struggled for years, growing more and more resentful (especially the holidays).  Finally, they put their foot down and said that they were going to have Christmas morning at home, with their daughter and would be happy to come Christmas Eve or later Christmas Day.  Her parents pouted for a little bit but ultimately, they just want the time together and will take what they can get.

Setting boundaries and protecting/nurturing your family (you and DH) is one of the hardest but most important things you need to do! 

Good luck!

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