- 6 years ago
Hi bees, I’m a regular bee going undercover for this one. I’m nervous to write this even with the fake account. To give a little context, suffice it to say that I have some issues… as I am sure most of us do. I have trust issues left over from my last relationship which ended over three years ago… my dad left when I was barely a teenager… etc.
I thought that as you got older you were supposed to get more confident. Not in my case apparently. I’m in my late 20s by the way. I’ve always been a really anxious person that overanalyzes everything, and I will often manufacture worries for myself. Sometimes I wonder why people like me – like why does my SO want to be with me? I worry about him leaving and worry that I am sabotaging our relationship. I let stupid little things ruin my day. I constantly compare myself to others. I am WAY too sensitive and often take things the worst way possible.
I know that you’re the only one responsible for your own happiness. It’s unrealistic (and bad) to expect that someone will magically fix it for you. But how do you get there??
I try to do things to better myself. I have a degree. I have a good job. I’ve gotten much better at one of the things I’ve always been afraid of – public speaking – and I constantly work at it. I volunteer and mentor people at this club that I’m a member of. I have gained some weight in the past few years (nothing massive, but I’d love to lose 20 lbs or so) and I’m making an effort to lose it. I don’t feel physically attractive as often anymore. I definitely used to.
When my mom and younger sister make comments about how I need to lose weight and/or what I’m wearing I get really sad. My sister lost a lot of weight herself – she never was overweight, but now she’s SKINNY and she always goes on and on about how hot she is and how fashionable she is and she’ll make remarks about what I’m wearing and it hurts. Or when I do my hair in a way she approves of, she praises me for ‘making an effort’. I never used to take this sort of stuff to heart. Growing up I was the pretty one and she was the smart one. I was never uber confident, but I was more confident than I feel these days.
I just don’t feel confident overall, and I want to change that. I am tired of feeling the way I do. I want to be one of those people who radiates confidence… who are truly secure in themselves and believe they have a lot to offer, and don’t care what others think. I sometimes feel like I go one step forward then two steps back.
Oh and I did see a counsellor a few months back when I was going through a stressful time, and we touched on some of this. She didn’t think I was depressed, but she came to the conclusion that I need to develop better coping mechanisms to deal w. stress.
I guess this is getting pretty long… I’ll end this post with this:
How did you reach the point where you genuinely liked/accepted yourself? Where you were secure in your choices, your looks, your actions? Basically where you’re at peace with yourself. Sometimes I just feel like a weirdo or an outsider even though people seem to like me. Ugh. I like the quote “You can be the ripest, juciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches” by Dita Von Teese. Basically you can’t please everyone so be secure in yourself. I want to do that.
Thanks for reading. Any advice would be much appreciated! 🙂