Dealing with jealousy over my younger sister being married & pregnant before me

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

As pps have mentioned, it is not a competition and everyone works according to their own timelines and the opportunities and experiences they go through in life.

I got married at 22, I have a stable job that pays relatively well, and so does my husband, and we are renting and living on our own. My parents were relatively strict up until the point when I got married. My husband and I enjoy our own time, doing what we want to do when we want to do it.

My sister got married at 27, she became a mother at 29, she works with my parents and earns less than I do, her husband covers most of their expenses and they live with my parents. My sister is extremely close with my mother and my Brother-In-Law is very comfortable with my family, this is why this works for them.

My sister is happy, I am happy, that’s what is important. 

Post # 17
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I get this. There were a lot of people younger than me who got married and started having babies. I felt ridiculous in comparison.

However, since then some are struggling financially, some are divorced, and one is divorced with a child from her ex and a new boyfriend and child with him, and is unhappy. Some are also completely happy. But that’s just to say that reaching milestones by a certain age does not guarantee success or happiness. Rushing into things solely to reach a milestone almost certainly will end in the opposite though. 

I didn’t meet D.H until I was 26. Didn’t get married until 27. That felt really late, and I was way behind people several years younger than me. I felt jealous and insecure about it. However, I’m so happy with D.H, our life together, the financial security we were able to gain before we met, and our lives together as a whole. He’s perfect for me. 

Your SO may end up being that guy for you, but give time. And for now, just enjoy all the wonderful things you have. And aunthood is fun!

Post # 18
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

everybody is different and the grass is always greener. 

When I feel jealous, I just remind myself that it’s not healthy, everyone has their own timeline and I’m sure she has problems/will have problems that you aren’t OK with tackling right now, like literally giving up your life to raise an infant and having no sleep. 

So there’s always that. 

Post # 19
Member
1503 posts
Bumble bee

I’m your age and my brother is the same age as your sister, he got engaged before me and he will be getting married before me. I understand the feeling of “I’m the oldest so should be doing this first”, however, to be jealous is really not healthy. Of course I have had a few moments where I thought, I should have hit these milestones before him, but I can honestly say I have never been jealous. I have my own life to focus on and have had my own amazing experiences that others have not had yet, such as travelling around the world. For me, life isn’t all about weddings and babies, they’re just one aspect of it and there really is nothing to be proud of in doing them first. 

I know people say jealousy is normal, but I really don’t think it is, it’s a very negative unhealthy emotion. You should be grateful for your own successes and realise life is not a competition, you can be happy for someone and look forward to doing what they have done without being jealous. 

Post # 20
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

knotyet :  But that’s just to say that reaching milestones by a certain age does not guarantee success or happiness.

This right here!

Stay supportive of your sister! One of the nice things about not being the first one to marry is that you learn so much. There’s plenty of headaches that you don’t need to repeat.

Focus on you, your relationship with your Boyfriend or Best Friend and the experiences that will be more difficult to have whenever children come around. Once your sister is overwhelmed with feeding and changing and expenses and the occasional discomforts in marriage that come with raising kiddos, she may be jealous of the life you are living! The grass is always greener, bee. Now is the time to become the best person you can be and part of that is being as supportive and loving as possible to your sister.

Post # 21
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Canada

My little brother married three years ago and is having his first baby next month. 

When I’m feeling blue or a bit envious of his or someone else’s life, I look on the bright side.  I can take myself out anywhere I want to go on a whim without having to worry about childcare.  I can sleep in as long as I want.  I don’t have to prepare meals or clean up toys or watch kid shows. 

Is there ANYTHING more satisfying than having the house to yourself, an endless assortment of your fave foods and snacks, your own choice of Netflix shows to binge on and no responsibilities to attend to?  Ahhh, the LIFE.  Enjoy every sweet moment because someday you’ll be married with babies and will long for one of those nights!!

Post # 22
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Some of my friends who got married when we were in our mid-twenties were divorced before I got married at 30. Just saying!

Also, don’t let your jealousy about where your sister is at in her life cause you to put artificial pressure on your boyfriend to catch up. I’m sure you won’t, but just a suggestion to keep an eye on it – it won’t be good for your relationship and he will feel like the one who happened to be there, rather than “the one”.

Post # 23
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

Enjoy the freedom of being childless while you can. Once you have kids, you’ll never get that freedom back. Just wait, after your sister’s baby is born, she’ll be telling you that she’s jealous of your life 😉

Post # 25
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

I am 28 myseld and I’ve been with my SO for 3 years. He has an amazing career, not a worry in the world (knock on the wood) but no ring yet…6 months is nothing…and your guy is young…don’t think about your sister and friends. I have friends who got married and got divorced…you never know what the future has in stock for them. good luck bee!

Post # 26
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!

I just wanted to say it’s totally normal to not have started family at 28… If anything, I think 25 is a little young (but everyone goes through life at a different pace). Like others have said, it’s expected for millennials to finish school and work for a while first before starting a family… It’s the only way most people can afford to be stable nowadays! Just don’t rush into things with this guy for the sake of marriage. After all, at 6 months, you’re neurologically still in that honeymoon phase! 

Post # 27
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

count your blessings and book a vacation because you have no baby holding you back. thiink of all the things you can actually get to because you are only worried about yourself. im sure you have been loving your alone time.

good luck bee.

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