(Closed) Dealing with Jealousy

posted 10 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
1019 posts
Bumble bee

You work past this by getting over your insecurities. He isn’t your ex. He’s the man that loves you. I’m sorry but you’re jealous of his job (that he LOVES) and that is unreasonable.

Post # 4
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It isn’t easy to be cheated on and I sometimes have the same feelings because my ex cheated on me.  Being insecure is the effect that happens after being cheated on.  Unfortunately, t isn’t something you can just get over. It takes a lot of evaluating and healing. 

Also, you need to learn not to punish your DH for things that your ex did.  He was out at a meeting, he called you and told you his plans, and he was home shortly after he called.  That, to me, sounds like a man who is faithful to his wife.  I think you need to explain to him that you have these feelings, but make sure you are rational when you talk to him about it.  Let him know that you are insecure about these types of situations so that he understands and can help you heal yourself. 

Have you thought about individual counseling?

Post # 5
3467 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

COMMUNICATION is the ONLY way this will be taken care of. Belive me, having heart hurts from past experiences requires affirmation to heal, even when your actions are a little “irrational”

You HAVE to remind yourself when those thoughts comes up that your Husband is NOT your ex.. He doesn’t act like, talk like, or think like your ex.

I know that the love he has for you will keep him open to understand your insecurity.. that he shouldn’t get offensive b/c you yourself knows that this is due to PAST experience and nothing He’s doing now.

Just stay open about it… the easiest thing to do is close up, and do like you did…. DON’T DO IT!

When those fears come up.. talk them out immediately… not in accusation, but in knowing that you need to heal from the past so it doesn’t damage your future.. that you know you DH is a GOOD man and loves you well.

You affirming that and not letting the thoughts from the past take hold is a process but DOES work!

It will bring you two closer together and your DH will understand more of who you are… Sometimes we just have to hear that from them… their heart that wants to be good men to us and not hurt us like others have in the past 😉

Praying for you two that you will grow together and that your heart will be healed =)

Post # 8
1524 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@soon2bS:  I think the best way to open up the conversation is to make it clear fromthe get-go that you know that he did nothing wrong and would do nothing wrong.  ie: That you’re experiencing some painful feelings and would like his support, but are aware that the feelings themselves are completely irrational.

eg:  I love you and know you would never do anything to hurt me.  You’re a great man and I trust you 110%.  Last night I was behaving strangely because you coming home late triggered a lot of old anxiety and insecurity left over from my first marriage.  It’s not your job to fix this, but it would mean a lot to me if you could be extra affectionate just for today while I deal with this.

And, yes, hie thee to therapy.  The feelings won’t quit until you deal with whatever leftover juju is causing the,.

Post # 9
3467 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@soon2bS For sure… Just know that I’m praying for you two and especially your heart! It took some time for my heart to heal from the abuse I took from my ex-husband… especially in some areas of intimacy. I know that Jesus is awesome at things like this so I’m just believing that He’s going to hold your heart and speak His love to you in a way that really restores you! 😉

Post # 10
4560 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have also had to recover from my fair share of cheating and lying. What got me through it and helps me continue to get through it is 1) learning to trust my instinct. It may take a  little while, but I can usually differenciate btw my fears and insecurities and my woman’s intuition. If my little spidey sense starts going off , I know to listen and take it seriously. And 2) I learned the person I have to trust the most is myself–I trust that even if my DH does cheat, I will survive. Just that knowledge take edge off the overwhelming panic and fear (which makes it hard to listen to your instinct).

Good Luck!

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