(Closed) Dealing with loss of a pet right before wedding

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
549 posts
Busy bee

I feel you bee and I am so, so sorry to hear about your fur-baby. I understand irrationally laying blame when you feel helpless, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. She might have escaped and gotten lost at the new house just as easily. I remember when we lost one of our doggies a few years ago. She had wriggled out of a loose window pane that no one knew was loose. 

She was missing for over 3 weeks and no vet or shelter had her. We kept up with the posters and offered rewards. Soon enough a local park ranger at a national park saw her living in the bushland! She wouldn’t go near him and we spent 2 days scouring the forest to find her after that sighting. But we did! Pets are resilient and it may seem they will be helpless without us, but there is a chance she’s ok! Don’t give up yet, keep checking in with your old home, she might have gone there because she misses you. 

You and your Fiance are in it together, he probably feels awful the poor guy. Good luck bee!

Post # 3
550 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Oh bee, how tough! I understand how devastating this can be. 

I would never supply you with false hope, but truly, your cat  may come back. Have you gone to visit where you lost your cat? 

Post # 4
3863 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

bawmed :  I’m so sorry that you are feeling so sad right before your wedding. Other PPs have said that she may come back and I agree. Just keep being persistent. Keep posting her photo to Facebook every day. Join local buy, sell, trade groups or other community Facebook groups and share her photo there as well. I think there is also a Tabbytracker on Craigslist for missing cats, so post her photo there as well. Drop her photo off at local shelters, with animal control, and with all local vets. Post flyers up everywhere, not just in the immediate area that she went missing. Spend an afternoon or a night after dinner and knock on your neighbor’s doors with a picture of her. Make sure you leave food and water outside for her as she may return when you are not there and if she finds food and water, she is more likely to return again and again. From there, you can reach out to local cat rescue groups about setting a cat trap. 

As for losing a pet, DH’s childhood cat died a week days before our wedding. This cat had been in his family since Darling Husband was three and it was in love with him. DH’s mom and step dad went on a two week cruise (returning one week before our wedding) and we were enlisted to watch the cat for those days. DH’s cat died two days after his parents returned and the cat returned home. Darling Husband was super sad, but his cat was quite old so it wasn’t unexpected. 

Bee, don’t lose hope and try not to be so hard on your Fiance. As bad as you are feeling, he must be feeling a thousand times worse and every blame you are placing on him, he’s probably laid it on ten times worse. Whenever we have to transport our cats, I always hold the cat carrier, because I am obsessive about making sure they can’t get out. 

Post # 5
4233 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I have two cats myself and would be devistated if something happened to them! I can’t even fathom how stressful that would be right before your wedding AND in the middle of a move! 

If it makes you feel any better when Darling Husband was a teenager his cat ran away. They lived neat a large wooded area where coyotes were, so after a week they kind of lost hope. Fast forward to two months later, they are driving home one evening from one of his Mom’s chemo treatments. As the car turns the corner the headlights flash over the edge of the wooded area, and there was the cat! DH’s sick Mom was so overjoyed she jumped out of the car and ran into the mud and the cat started meow-crying he was so happy! He was sick, he was weak but he was alive. The vet figured because he was an indoor cat he got disoriented and couldn’t find his way back the 10 minute walk to the house.

Post # 6
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

So sorry Bee! She can still show up. I recommend getting a big sign with her picture saying “I’m lost. Have you seen me? I live here.” And putting this sign in your front yard for everyone passing by to see.

She can still show up! Keep positive, and just know that cats are very resilient in nature.

Post # 9
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m so sorry this is happening!

I had a very similar year last year – we bought a house, went through all the stress of moving, and my cat became terminally ill with kidney disease, all right before our wedding. She passed away a little over a month before the wedding. It was hard, and my heart goes out to you.

Try to remind yourself that kitties are creatures of unconditional love, and they would not want us to suffer. You are doing everything you can to find her, but you have to keep living your life, and focus on the future ahead of you.

Also, try to remind yourself that times of difficulty are times when we need to pull together with our partners the most. Give yourself the comfort of being close with your Fiance right now, and know that he made a mistake because he’s human – blaming him does no good for either of you.

Post # 10
3036 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

OMG, I am so so sorry this happened to you. Our cat crate literally fell apart while we were moving recently and it was terrifying! Thankfully Darling Husband has super fast reflexes and our cat is a lazy overweight Senior girl, so we didn’t lose her. But sometimes crates fail and cats get out. 

Keep in mind that cats are natural born hunters and opportunistic creatures by nature, so there’s a good chance that she is fine. It can be hard to recover a lost cat because there are so many ferals and indoor/outdoor cats that they are rarely taken to shelters, though. 

I know this might sound extreme, but have you thought about hiring a trapper? My Dad did this to recover our family’s sweet, stupid Manx when he got out. Most indoor-only cats tend to hide in bushes (our Manx was literally next door), so a professional may be able to track her and use humane traps to catch her for you.

Post # 11
3863 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

bawmed :  I think your number one priority is to get to a place where you stop blaming your Fiance for this. It was a mistake. He did not fling the door open and and throw her out into the open. I’m sure he feels pretty terrible about it as is. It sounds like this was a mistake, plain and simple, and one that happened in the blink of an eye. The blame-game is a slippery slope and it could just as easily be flipped back to you (which isn’t right either). Put all of that negative energy into doing everything in your power to search for her and try to think positive thoughts. 

Post # 12
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

No additional advice, but I am so sorry that your kitty is missing. Best wishes for finding her soon.

Post # 13
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

So sorry to hear. This would be the worst possible situation. 

Unfortunately you are grevieing and you cannot change that. It is normal to blame your partner but try to realise that it isnt his fault. 

Just take it day by day. Put up posters and letter drop, whatever makes you feel best to try to get her or him back.  There is a chance she is around. Cats are very smart at surviving. 



Post # 14
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am so sorry! Does leaving a shirt or something else with your scent outside of where she was lost help or is that only for dogs? May be worth a try.

I hope your cat makes her way home! Im not super religious but I pray to St Anthony when I lose things and they usually turn up!


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