Post # 1
I had a miscarriage in September at 9 weeks. After about a month I was doing a lot better, but in the past few weeks have backslid a bit emotionally. I think the holidays have made it worse – seeing everyone’s family Christmas photos, knowing this was when we were going to find out of it was a boy or girl, that kind of thing. I’m spending a week with my husband’s family over Christmas and am just dreading it. His sister had a baby two weeks before my miscarriage, so on top of it I’m going to be with an infant 24/7 – not to mention dealing with random extended family members asking us why we don’t have kids yet. (His sister has also not been very gracious about the situation – she made it clear that her #1 priority after my miscarriage was that it not interfere with her “enjoying her new daughter.” Very sensitive).
Any tips for getting through the holidays? I just want to sleep until January, and/or contract a nasty flu so I don’t have to go.
Post # 3
She said WHAT after your MC?!
I think I would have lost my mind. I definitely wouldn’t be visiting her for Christmas!
So clearly you’re a better, more mature person than I am.
Anyway, I’d come up with a one-size-fits-all comment to any comments about your lack of a child/pregnancy. You could go with something serious (“When God decides the time is right, it’ll happen”), or something flippant (“We’re still enjoyimg being MARRIED! And we’re planning a trip to…”) or something dirty (“We may or may not be having unprotected sex. How about you?”)
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
@MeghanV: sister in law needs to be slapped
Post # 5
@MeghanV: I’m in the same situation as you. I miscarried in September and have slipped right back to rock bottom emotionally because of the holidays. I just went to a Christmas party where there was a couple who got married just a few months before me and Darling Husband. She was 14 weeks pregnant and it was like opening the wound all over again trying to be happy for them. Its just awful to say, but I can’t help feeling that way. I miss our baby so much!
Darling Husband and I are trying to find a way to honor our angel baby this Christmas. It might be helpful to hang a special ornament on your tree or something to that nature. I hope you can find some peace. Hang in there <3
Post # 6
I am so sorry for your loss. And sorry for her bad behavior! Did she even tell you she was sorry you miscarried?
@BrandNewBride: I love those responses!
Post # 7
@MeghanV: Well, apart from the fact that you should punch your SIL in the face for being such a dumb ass with her words, I understand why the holidays are tough.
While you may not be able to avoid family, the best you can do is well, make the best of it. I am having a really rough time right now (unrelated to your situation), and while I want to hold up and pretty much not come out for a long time, I know I can’t. I would think of things to say back when people ask. Like a PP suggested some comebacks. Otherwise, get through how you need to and rest.
I’m drawing a blank on real advice because your SIl has really struck a nerve with me.
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Except I wouldn’t say more mature. I’d say more TOLERANT. Not wanting to spend time with someone like THAT wouldn’t make me immature! More like it would make me sick. -_-
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site
I’m in the same boat. I miscarried two weeks ago, I was almost 8 weeks but we hadn’t told anyone yet, so they’re still asking why we’re not pregnant yet. It’s driving me crazy. I didn’t go over to my husband’s family’s house last weekend for supper, but it comes up every bloody time we go over, and I’m still hurting. I’m 99% sure someone will bring it up and have me in tears over the holidays 🙁
I’m sorry your sister in law is an asshole, that’s awful of her 🙁
Post # 10
Thank you all for the responses! Some of these comebacks have made me smile for the first time today.
SIL has apologized… kind of… I don’t think she’s necessarily sorry for what she said, but I believe that she knows she shouldn’t have said it. I suggested to my husband that we just get a hotel room. He was open to it if the first night is uncomfortable, so knowing that’s an option is making me feel a little better.
@Purple_Bride I’m really sorry for what you’re going through… trust me, I know. Would you consider telling your husband’s family? For all I know that may be a bad idea, but it might force them to be more sensitive with their comments.
@mariwithani You’re not the only one having trouble being happy for others. It sucks… it just seems so easy for everyone else.
Post # 11
@mariwithani: Just want to say I love your idea of commerating your angel at Christmas. Beautiful!
To OP and all bees suffering losses…we are thinking of you and sending all the love we can.
Post # 12
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m in the same boat, miscarried this month. I’m trying to focus on the good parts of not being pregnant at Christmas (read: christmas cocktails) because otherwise its so depressing. I would have been 12 weeks yesterday. It’s so hard. I think your SIL’s ignorance is incredibly hurtful and I’d do my best to avoid her…
Post # 13
@MeghanV: I don’t have any tips or advice, but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone–I had a MC back in October at around 8 weeks, and we were planning on telling family at Christmas. I’ve been okay about it for the most-part, but am finding it hard to not slip back into the sorrow the closer the holiday gets…
Post # 14
I am so sorry for your loss.
My advice to you would be to make a plan with your husband to take things as they come- and to have him help protect you. The fact that he would be willing to go to a hotel if it’s too much for you is a GREAT sign. Let him know you’ll need extra affection and attention from him this year. That will give you more strength I believe.
Sending you hugs.
Post # 15
Just support to say I am sadly in the same boat, so misery loves company… We lost our daughter at 21w just this past Tuesday. My best friend is 36w pregnant and I can’t wait to see her, but I am also dreading it. I’m so up and down on emotions right now, I just don’t know how I will react or deal with anyone or anything. I want things to be normal but I’m not able to control a lot right now. Good luck to you.
Post # 16
@MeghanV: My biggest thing is that people don’t get it and tell you you can get pregnant again. It’s ok to mourn this baby. I think finding a way to honour the baby at this time is nice. I’m also trying to surround myself with the right people as much as possible at the moment. Don’t feel guilty for saying no to invites and sod them if they don’t get it! I hope you have some fun over Christmas but I know it’s hard xxx