- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
Bees, I could really use some advice on this.
I have been considering “calling a talk” with my dad. We haven’t had the greatest relationship in recent years, and the wedding planning has kind of brought that into the light, and I just want to make things better.
My dad can be very aloof when it comes to showing emotion. He also had the tendency to pretend like he is okay with a situation but in reality he is angry. For instance, when my Fiance and I moved in together a few years ago, my dad’s exact response was, “oh, cool!” but then I found out from my sister that he was pretty mad about it. Likewise when Fiance and I got engaged, we told my dad that we wanted to only invite first cousins, aunts and uncles to the wedding, and none of my second and third cousins. At the time he said that was a really good idea and made sense. Then a few weeks later I find out from my sister that he is really mad that I’m not inviting them, and that he is going to try to convince me to invite them. That was in November and to this day he hasn’t even mentioned the subject to me. Just last night I brought up the subject to my stepmom and she said “yeah, your dad is probably going to talk to you about that”… well when??!
Honestly, the whole situation just makes me really sad that my own father won’t just be honest with me, or even try to talk to me about these issues that are bothering him. Likewise, last year I was going through a pretty rough time at work, and really wanted to talk to him about it, but never felt like I could. It feels like we are just at a stalemate. The worst part is that as much as I hate to admit it, I still really care about his opinion.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and managed to improve it? I might just stop by his house tomorrow or invite him over for lunch and just lay it all out there. I just don’t want to make things worse or say anything I will later regret. And advice would be appreciated.