(Closed) Dealing with my Dad

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ugh… that sounds tough.  I’m not the type to avoid confrontation, necessarily, so if it were ME I would be direct and honest.

I would say something like “Dad, we  need to get together and discuss a few things about the wedding”- this gives him time to think about what issues he might want to bring up, versus being caught off guard if you were to just show up without warning.

Start the conversation, be calm, be confident.  “Dad, I know there are some issues with the wedding that don’t sit very well with you, and this is your opportunity to air your concerns with me.  Please be honest with me right now, because this is your one chance to bring up anything that’s bothering you.  We need to either be on the same page or at least agree to let certain things go by the end of the (evening/afternoon/conversation/meal/whatever)”

If you become frustrated, make sure you don’t say ‘you’, turn it around and say ‘I get upset when…’ because it will come across as less confrontational.  You don’t want him to be defensive since nothing will get settled.  Try to stay calm, let him be open with you, and then do the same for him.  Good luck 🙂

Post # 5
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Little_Nut88:  that is a tough one. I agree with PP that being open and honest is the way to go. My dad and I have been rocky over the years and so my approach has always been to be honest. Sometimes he gets upset but usually we’re able to get to a consensus.. eventually.

If you are comfortable, I would consider sharing how it hurts you to hear your dad’s true feelings being shared with your sister or step mom, and that it bothers you that you feel he can’t be honest with you. That would be my route – I know my dad would be upset to think that something he’s doing is unintentionally hurting me. 

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