(Closed) Dealing with my future family…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Trust your Fiance since he knows his mother best. If he feels she is toxic and not worth maintaining a relationship with then that might be for the best. He always has the option to re-open that door if he feels she deserves it. You have enough to deal with in the situation without adding the Future Mother-In-Law drama.

Plus if you keep pushing to keep that door open your Fiance might grow to resent you. This happened to me once in a past relationship and it was a good if not tramatic lesson for me to learn.

Post # 4
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly, my advice it to leave it alone.  She isn’t obligated to pay for anything (neither is anyone else including your mom) so I don’t quite understand why your Fiance is mortified by the situation and willing to cut ties with her.  I know it sucks that she is trying to take credit for things, but I really think you shouldn’t worry about it.  It sounds to me like something else must be going on (or went on) between your Fiance and his mother for him to want to completely cut his losses with her.  I hope it works out for you and that things get better!

Post # 5
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree with shay.  Unless something bigger is going on, I don’t see quite what the big deal is.  Sure I can see being annoyed by this stuff.  But to cut ties?….

She’s not required to give money, even if your mom is giving money with a lower paying job.  I have no idea about your family’s finances.  But maybe your mom is giving too much, more than she can afford.

I don’t know what’s going on with the other wedding.  But if she was looking forward to going (maybe she was chummy with the ex gf’s parnets?) I could see being bummed that she can’t go.  It doesn’t mean she’s not excited about her own son’s wedding.  But it kind of sucks when you’re looking forward to multiple events, and they happen on the same day, and have to choose. 

Sure she has crazy ideas of not wanting her ex to attend.  That’s not uncommon.  But these situations with divorced parents causes them to go off the deep end sometimes for weddings.  Just be the beacon of reason.

Good luck.  But if she has typically shown kindness and you’ve had a nice relationship, I’d just ride this one out, and not do anything drastic.

Post # 7
348 posts
Helper bee

There’s surely a middle ground between cutting ties and letting her have control over the wedding that she’s not paying for.  However, it may take some serious boundary-setting now, which may mean taking a breather from talking/interacting with her very much for awhile.  Not in a permanent way, just because it’s clearly stressing everyone out.

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