- 4 years ago
Regular bee going anon here (sorry!) So my younger sister and I have always had a difficult relationship, we are three years apart, but were raised as if we were twins if that makes sense. What is weighing heavily on my heart now is the pure hatred she has towards me.
So my sister and her boyfriend were together for 6 years, they were supposed to get married, but he cancelled the wedding about 18 months ago. They officially broke up last winter and after that my sister was casually seeing a string of men (she always brought them into our house!), whilst still being in contact with her ex and his family.
My sister wanted to get pregnant by any means and was having unprotected sex with these different men and taking prenatal vitamins. She eventually conceived with one of them earlier this year and is pregnant. She is now going around to all her friends and her ex’s family crying that her ex doesn’t love her and why won’t he support her pregnancy and claiming that she was raped as a way of shifting the blame away from her for the pregnancy she doesn’t want.
I have been with my fiancé for just over 2 years now and are engaged to be married. However we had our cultural marriage earlier this year, and since we announced our intentions to get married my sister has been horrible. It started off as having massive blowouts about him staying at mine during the weekend or not cooking for her when I cook for him (my sister and I live together and she is over 25) to her spreading lies and trash about he and I in our family and amongst our mutual friends.
Before my fi and I went to have our traditional marriage she started telling people that she hated my fi and I, that she couldn’t stand him that she would hate me for the rest of my life and that if she could choose her family she would never choose me as her sister. She said she would not come to our traditional marriage (she eventually came the day before) and that the only reason he even proposed to me was because she convinced him to (this is obvious nonsense).
Since our cultural marriage there have naturally been many family and friends calling and congratulating us and sometimes when her friends visit they also congratulate me and ask ‘how’s married life?’, before I can even respond she interjects and rolls her eyes and comments such as “Annoying, they get on my nerves. She has no time for me all she is interested in is that guy. She only cooks for him. When he stays round they have sex and it’s disgusting.” Even when watching one born every minute last week she said when I eventually get pregnant and am in labour he will be annoying so he should roll over and die. Who says shit like this? Yet she is supposed to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and complains that I am not involving her in the wedding planning and she wants to coordinate the whole day. For example “is X your Maid/Matron of Honor now, why are you calling her all the time to talk about the wedding?” meanwhile friend X is a bridesmaid!
It’s like I am not allowed to be happy and enjoy this period of my life and no one should be happy for me because she isn’t happy in her life. She has told me not to talk about my relationship because how can I expect her to be happy for me when her life isn’t where she wants it to be.
It has now gotten to the point where she spews hatred and lies about me on a daily business (I have people that know us both asking me why she hates me so much, I don’t know), she talks badly about him and about his relationship with his mother and his younger siblings! She has only met them briefly and his younger siblings are kids!!!
Despite all this she expects me to be at her beck and call because she’s pregnant and ‘broken hearted’, cook for her and not allow my fi to visit me on the weekends because she ‘doesn’t need to see us together.’ She tells anyone who will listen that I have no interest in her life and that my only priority is my husband. (In my culture my Fiance is referred to as my husband as we have had our cultural marriage ceremony).
I am now emotionally exhausted and I have spoken to my fi about taking her down from being my Maid/Matron of Honor as I can’t deal with her anymore and her bitterness is affecting me and his relationship, because I can’t tell him the things she says, he would lose his mind understandably and he thinks I’m keeping secrets from him. I have tried to speak to my parents about it on several occasions and they always respond with ‘just ignore it, she’s upset about the break up, it’s ok’ It’s damn well not ok and I can’t take this anymore. Because my parents don’t live in the country anymore and I am the eldest, in my culture I am responsible for anything that happens to her, I was even blamed at first for her falling pregnant. I really don’t know what to do now, I’ve been asking my church group how to deal with a negative family member and they have said to love from a distance, but how do I do that when it’s my sister and it’s just me and her in this country together? Just abandon her? I have less than a year before my church wedding and will then go and live with my Fiance, do I just shut up and bear it till I move? I don’t know what to do now.
Please forgive me for the extremely long post.