Post # 1
So…being engaged for less than a week has proven to be a fascinating social experiment, because never in my life have I received so many unsolicited comments/questions that are incredibly rude! 🙁 The one that takes the cake today has to be a much older coworker of mine…he came to my desk and was talking to me, and noticed my ring (I never said a word about it) and gave me this hard look. He was like, “so what happened on your birthday?” in this really accusatory tone, which confused me, because I got engaged a few days after my birthday, so it took me a sec. When I realized what he meant, I was like, oh, this, yes! I got engaged. And he said, “I’m against that at such a young age.” I was really taken aback, but he continued on, saying “you’re going to miss out on so much, don’t get married just because you don’t think you have other options…you have a lot of growing to do in your early 20’s…” I tried to laugh it off, but he was persistent and said “no, no, soon it’s not YOUR money, it’s OUR money, and you won’t get to travel anymore or do anything fun.”
I was so bummed by this, because I don’t really make a big show or anything in public but I’m very happy to be engaged, and I’m confident in my decision. To top it all off, he said, “I don’t mind if you want to be engaged for like four years, but really think about what you’re doing.” I was floored and had no idea what to say!
I’ve gotten similar comments about being a youngish bride (just turned 24) but to be honest I didn’t think it was so unusual…where I went to high school, I knew people married as young as 18, and I have tons of friends who got married anywhere between 18-30 (my mom just got remarried at 47, so there you go! I didnt think there was an age limit to being a bride!)
What do you ladies do to deal with the unsolicited negative comments? Don’t even get me started on the nosy ones (“when are you having kids?” “uh…never.” “what?! you can’t do that! does he know?!” “…no I let him agree to marry me without disclosing that. *sigh*”) It seems kind of uncalled for to rain on someone’s parade without them even asking, no? Or am I just going to need to get used to it? xP
Post # 2
I definitely don’t think 24 is too young! It sounds like your coworker is a grump who’s not happy with his own life so he wants to rain on your parade. And you can’t travel or do anything fun after you’re married? What the heck?! I don’t really have any advice besides try to tune it out and enjoy this very special and sweet time with your fiance.
Post # 3
I know, right? I was like “oh, thanks for reminding me I’m not allowed to travel after getting married, I forgot that was still a law in this state” and tried to laugh it off…he didn’t find it very funny. 😉
Post # 4
Wow!! Crappy comments are awful, sorry you’re going through that bee. 🙁 I too was a ‘young’ bride. But around here, I was considered OLD at 25. I should have had atleast 2 kids by then. Sigh.
You ca power through it!! I just either shrug it off and say thank you for the advice or snap a crabby comment at them… depends who it is and how frustrated I am lol.
Post # 5
Just be all “stepford wife”–smile and say some version of, “Well, nice talkin’ to you!” and move on. It’s pointless to bother with these kinds of people.
Post # 6
I got so many negative comments! Everyone basically told me I couldn’t enjoy life, I would hate making that decision…blah blah blah. Even my own mother told me I was too young. And my grandma told her to talk me out of it. No one was on board. We are two months away now, and everyone is so excited! I think a lot of it was fear and shock, and everyone got over it after some time. I was 18 when I got engaged, and I will be 20 when I not only become a wife, but also a step mom. I am making the greatest decision of my life, and I am confident in that. If you feel the same way, just don’t let anyone bring you down. This is your special moment, and anyone who has something negative to say about it can go elsewhere!
Post # 7
This would happen at any age. At 35 a coworker told me “I’m surprised you found someone so old. You should have married younger”. Thanks buddy. You can’t fix stupid. Just brush it off
Post # 8
omg what a dumba$$ people say the most ignorant things!
She’s right, OP. Sadly for the rest of your life, people with no filter I’ll be dropping judgment on pretty much everything you do. Best to learn now that their feelings about your life are not your problem.
Post # 9
Opinions are like…elbows;) Everyone has one! I like to challenge where comments like that are really coming from….” Oh did you get married too young and regret it?” lol
Post # 10
…I always heard it as buttholes, every one has one and they all stink.
Post # 11
Haha me too but I thought I’d try out a less ‘offensive’ version. I like ones that you can tell any audience.
Post # 12
I let the negative comments roll off me like water off a ducks back…
The best worst comment I received was “You’re engaged!! Congratulations on making the worst decision of your life!” I COULD have taken a stab at the guy and his broken engagement… but what I did was ignore the comment, and changed the topic. I don’t care if it made me look rude – his comment was uncalled for.
Post # 13
Im sorry this happened to you :/ Trust me I can relate. When I got enagaged I had a co-worker tell me that I should have made him spring for a solitaire because its worth more when we divorce and that by me accepting the ring it was equal to my Fiance buying me as his property… So lovely right?
I have learned to just brush it off. The way I look at it is that I am happy and confident in my choice, and if others feel the need to judge or comment, then they must not be too happy in theirs. It’s their problem not yours! Don’t take it personally 🙂
Post # 14
People always like to stick their noses in other people’s business. Just ignore comments like this and move along. It’s the comments from your loved ones that should matter the most. I’m in a very similar situation being engaged at 21 and will be married at 22 everyone likes to give their opinion on why you shouldn’t be thinking of marriage at this age instead of being happy for you.
Post # 15
Always evaluate the source of a negative comment. ALWAYS. Too many people project their experience (positive or negative) onto others.