(Closed) Dealing with opposite schedules…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Darling Husband was 9 hours ahead of me at one time. Totally opposite. We found half hour increments in the mornings to connect via email/instant messenger and set aside some time Saturday morning. I can deal with the whole LDR style relationship if i get a day or even two a week where our lives overlap. In the meantime, I’d buckle down and stick it out for a little bit cuz the more you let it get to you, the faster and harder it’ll wear you down. You DO adjust. Promise. It’s just hard to go from time together a lot to suddenly nothing.

Post # 4
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

Do you have a lot of friends you could see? I would just try to have friends over for dinner, even if they’re couples, and work on some projects you don’t usually have time for. My dad works swing shifts and that seems to be the way my mom deals with it.

It’s not a great situation but at leas t yours is mostly temporary!

Post # 5
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I work 6-3 and the boy works 11-8, so by the time he gets home from work, I’m winding down thinking about going to bed soon.. It’s tough, but it helps if you have designated “couple time”.  For us, neither of us work on Sundays, so that is OUR day.  We plan all our errands or fun stuff for this day. Laughing

Post # 6
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

We work pretty opposite schedules.  I work Monday – Friday from 8-6, and he works overnights.  We get the weekend together.

However, he works out of state over the summer.

Post # 7
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My husband and I are on opposite schedules as well. He works in a restaurant from 4pm to 2am and I am a teacher 8am to 5pm. His days off are Mon and Tue and mine are Sat and Sun. I try to stay up on Fri and Sat nights to see him when he gets home and he wakes up with me on the weekdays and we have breakfast together.

Its a small amount of time, but we really appreciate the time we do have together.

Post # 8
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I work overnight 10pm – 7am and he works 7am until whenever he is done (usually around 6 or 7pm). We can usually have dinner together but there really isn’t time for much else. Luckily we are both off on Sunday so we do get that together. I work overnight Sat and have to sleep sometime on Sunday so that time is cut short too.

It is definately a struggle but for the most part we are making it work.

Post # 9
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I totally hear you… I start work at 5 am most mornings, I work then go to school until 5 pm.  Fiance works until 10 pm most nights, so when he finally gets home, I’m usually getting ready for/already in bed.  It’s difficult, but we have the weekends, and the nights where I don’t have to get up at 4 am the next morning, so I can stay up later. 

You’ll figure out a little routine so things aren’t quite as hard, you get used to it pretty quickly.

Post # 10
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I work 3rd shift Sunday-Thursday (10pm – 7am) and my guy works… Well, everything else lol. Depending on what he has going on his shifts can start anywhere from 0700 to 1600 and sometimes go as late as midnight. And there’s no predicting his days off – he has gone up to 10 weeks without a single day off. His schedule changes every week and we only know one month of schedules at a time. He also teaches private lessons – you know, because he doesn’t have enough to do ~insert eye roll here~. It makes life interesting to say the least.

The trick for us is to stay in communication as much as possible. We send emails & texts and call & video chat whenever we can. We also prioritize our time off as "family time". The house may be messy, the cars may need a good scrubbing and our friends might miss us but when we’re home we are home. Date nights are important when we have more than one common day off in a week too!

It is hard and there are plenty of times when it’s really tempting to just call in dead and spend the time together but we figure it’s worth it – especially as it means that one or the other of us is always home for the kids. No babysitters = happy family (and wallet!)

Post # 11
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I couldn’t deal with it….that wouldn’t be a relationship to me.

I hate to say that, but that’s how i feel. I’d rather be in a long distance relationship than be together but always apart. Just no way to live, life is too short.

Post # 12
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I am so over our messed up schedules and I have to sort of agree with fiya on this!

I work 5 days a week, W/TH off, and usually PMs (about 1-10 PM most nights, though it’s sometimes days) and he works a 9-5 M-F job.  It drives me nuts.  I have been looking into changing my position at work, but it’s been a slow process.  We don’t have days off together really, unless I make a special request for events/travel, etc.  It’s super lame, because there is no definite end to this totally blah schedule.

So, I wish I had something more constructive and positive to say about it, but it really is what it is.  The thing that makes me not complain about it, though, is the fact that I grew up around military (AF brat) and I remind myself that we should be so lucky to be together throughout the year, and even if I am lonely sometimes, we still get to snuggle up every night.

Post # 13
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

@fiya, gee, i hope you and your Fiance always work the same schedule. And LDR’s are “together, always apart” except worse lol

You compromise a lot of “other” stuff in life in order to be with the one you love.

Most of the time I think opposite schedules are temporary anyways–usually most people don’t do them forever.

Post # 14
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I am kind of in the same boat. I work consistently 7 – 4pm with an hour commute each way but the hubs has a weird schedule. He works 1 – 10:30pm, 5 days at a time (includes weekends but 2:30 – 10:30pm) then off 3 days but on the 4th and 5th week, he works works 4 days and off 4 days. Follow that, lol?

When he is working the consistent 5 days I see him when he comes home and that’s about it. Those times a little hard because I love spending time with him but it makes the time we do get to spend together that much more exciting. We are trying to make a point to have a date night here and there to make sure we get that much needed alone time.

 

Post # 15
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

 

@ejs4y8 – No, we don’t in fact work the same schedule. We have one day off a week together. We used to have 2 days off a month together and I found that to be almost unbearable. It’s not a matter of giving things up or compromising, or the unwillingness to do so. I simply, and it is my opinion, believe that its impossible to have a rewarding relationship while the individuals in question lead completely seperate lives.

It’s not a relationship i would choose to be in, or that I could maintain for any period of time. As I said before, life is too short. If you add children into the equation, naturally that changes things; sacrifices have to be made. But otherwise….if there was no end in sight, and no hope for things to change… i would have to say no, not for me.

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