Post # 1
THIS ENDED UP BEING WAY LONGER THAN I THOUGHT..SORRY!
I am not meaning to sound like a snot, because I understand that I am truly blessed for having a supportive mother and father who are excited for my hubby and I to have a baby. However, this will be the first grandchid in the family and my mom has gone a bit overboard and I am not really sure how to tell her. Here are some examples:
The other day we went to an event where we saw people we hadn’t seen in 5, 6, even 8 years. My mom was running around to everyone saying “I am going to be a grandma, I am going to be a grandma!!!!” before we even had the chance to say hi to everyone. It was awkward having people come up to us and hug and kiss and rub my belly when I haven’t even spoken to them in almost 8 years. I didn’t even get the chance to share our news with anyone because she made such a big deal before we even had the chance.
The other day she sent out a mass e-mail to all her friends and extended family and announced that “she had officially picked her grandma name” and she was going to be “nan” to our child. She never once consulted me, or even told me she was picking out a grandma name, but just threw it out there to all her extended fam/friends. People started commenting to me “oh, so you’re mom wants to be called nan?” before she even told me what she was doing..
I posted something on Facebook yesterday saying that we were excited for our little girl to come. Within ten minutes I had at least 5 people tell me that my mom had already called them and told them we were having a girl.
We are keeping the names we like secret, but somehow she heard of ONE of the names we are considering. THe other day she called on the phone and said “Hey, I was just wondering if you could not name your daughter Maxine.” Uhhhh… we will name our baby what we want!
She is taking so much excitement out for this for us because I don’t even have the opportunity to tell people anything because she does it first. Also, hubby and I like our privacy, and there are a lot of things we would have chosen NOT to tell people that she has already decided to tell them.
I just don’t know what to do… it is all getting really old.
Post # 3
Yeah, it would probably bother me too somewhat. I would suggest just keeping some distance with as much information as you can. There’s really nothing else you can do unless you feel you can have a talk with her over this. She’s obviously thrilled, which is great, but she’s definitely a little over the top. lol
Post # 4
Hahaha, I hear you! My folks are all over Facebook. They LOVE to share everything on there. I actually had to tell them that my photos were private – I have a few belly pics on there but they can only be viewed by like 8 people – please don’t share or re-post. My pregnancy/baby is something, someone, I’m very protective of. I understand people are excited, and I think it’s really sweet, I’m excited too… I just don’t want his little face out there for everyone.
My mother is trying to coordinate future holidays – like I won’t have a family of my own (very) soon that I’ll want to start new traditions with. My son also has another grandmother, DH’s mom, that we’ll want to include, too.
Post # 5
Sounds like a candid conversation is in order.
“Mom, I love that you’re excited to be a grandma and I know you’re going to be the best grandma ever. However, Darling Husband and I really value our privacy and we’d appreciate it if you didn’t share information about our pregnancy before we’ve decided if we’re comfortable doing so”.
That way, the “blame” falls on you (for valuing your pirvacy) and you don’t offend her. You could also mention the names and say that it’s a personal decision between you and your Darling Husband and you’ll let her know as soon as you have made up your mind, ie when your daughter is born lol.
Post # 6
Aww, sorry to hear this! Sounds like you need to have a chat with your mom about sharing all this private information and if she can’t respect that YOU would like to be the one to tell people the sex of your child and baby names, she’ll just have to be the last to know things from now on.
Post # 7
Ehh yeah that sucks…
My SIL was recently pregnant and Mother-In-Law announced it on facebook and then she miscarried and it was awkward at family gatherings.
Post # 8
I would have an honest discussion with her where you tell her that you’re thrilled she is so excited about becoming a grandma, but she is taking some of the excitement away from you and Darling Husband by telling everyone about the pregnancy, gender, details, etc, because that’s something you’d really looked forward to doing yourself. And that you like being le to talk to her about everything and be very open with her, but some of the things you tell her are meant to be private and it makes you uncomfortable when she shares them with others, and that you’ll start giving her a heads up when something you tell her is private and hopefully she’ll listen and stop sharing everything with everyone.
Her picking out a name would bug me. My cousin and SIL have both recently had babies and in my opinion have come up with some of the dumbest names…’grandpa jim jim’, ‘teetee’ for aunt (as in auntie), gigi for great-grandma, gamma instead of grandma. I will be having none of that, I hate the baby talk!
Post # 9
My Mom is the exact same way so I totally feel your pain (preemptively since I am not pregnant yet, lol!). That is exactly why I plan on waiting the full 3 months before telling her I’m pregnant and I will only announce other things to her when we are ready to announce it to everyone.
She totally stole my thunder for every other big event in my life: getting into college, getting my first job, getting engaged, etc. This is one thing I will finally know about well before she does so I can control when she finds out!
Post # 10
I had this, but on a smaller scale. I had decided to keep the pregnancy off FB, and had the thought of “hmm, mom’s on FB, I better tell her to not say anything.”
So I sent her a text and let her know that we’re keeping the pregnancy news off FB for now. Apparently she had already posted something and apologized for doing that without my permission. It wasn’t a big deal, I hadn’t even seen it yet, and gave an opportunity to have a quick chat.
For yours, I’d go with what the other ladies have said. “Mom, I’m glad your excited about the pregnancy, but there are some things that we’re keeping to a small circle of people for now. We’re really excited about sharing baby news with people and it makes me a little sad to find out they’ve already heard the news from you. Feel free to share with your coworkers, but for family I’d prefer the details came from me so I can enjoy the spotlight a little bit.”
And remind her that people don’t choose what babies will call them, it’s whatever the baby is able to say (at least in the beginning!).
Post # 11
The only way I have found to deal with people like this (aka my MIL) is to not tell her anything until you want everyone to know because no matter what you do she will spill the beans. When we told my Mother-In-Law that we were engaged we asked her not to tell anyone because we would like to tell SIL/BIL on our own. Well with in 5 minutes of leaving she had phoned SIL and said to her that we had big news to share with them. ahh I feel for you.