- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I know this is not a huge problem as compared to some other FMIL stories but I just wanted to get a little advice since I can’t really ask anyone IRL about this (for fear of being perceived as ungrateful or silly). And I just feel like venting this morning.
FILs have contributed to our wedding, and are paying for what amounts to be approximately 30% of it. Therefore, obviously we want to include them in planning (we’re including my parents too, even though they are financially unable to contribute anywhere close to that amount).
FMIL has been so excited (this is her first child getting married and she doesn’t have any daughters). FMIL is sweet, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes can be a little passive aggressive.
For instance, we were discussing DJs yesterday and mentioned we think we’ve found who we want to go with. They are reasonable ($875 for 6 hours, including additional speakers and subwooofers) and come very highly recommended both by personal friends and online reviews). We also discussed flowers, as FMIL knows someone who does flowers and told us her name so we could contact her.
FI and I received 2 back to back emails today – the first with the florist’s name and phone number and that she called her to let her know about us and inquire when we should be setting up a meeting. The florist (who works at a grocery store but is very good, but reasonable cost-wise) penciled our wedding date in and told her that we should call her around mid July to set up a meeting. Ok, that’s fine I emailed her back a thank you.
The second email is what rubbed me the wrong way – she emailed us and said that FFIL’s friend is friends with owners of a DJ company (hope you followed that) and gave us their phone number and said for us to call and mention his name to see what price they can give us. I’ve heard of this company through our research but they were one where we weren’t that excited about – we’re open but not necesarily that interested.
I guess I just get a little perturbed with the emails. She has been emailing us about 3-4 times per week (she emails during the day when she’s at work) about this or that vendor, or honeymoons, or venues (before we picked ours), etc. I know she’s trying to be helpful, and we are not going to just tell her to stop because we want to include her and we feel its the respectful thing to do since we are accepting their monetary gift. However, it’s a little overwhelming.
The other thing that really got me is she knows my mother is paying for my dress. I have not discussed anything regarding a budget with her obviously because it’s really none of her business on that particular issue. I’ve discussed with FI that my dress budget is under $1000 (reasonable, I believe). I’m not sure if that got back to FMIL. She has made a comment a couple times of how her wedding dress was only $150 and maybe I should look into renting a wedding dress. I just smile and say thanks for the suggestion.
Any advice on how to handle a situation like this?