(Closed) DEALING WITH PARENTS W/ TOO MANY OPINIONS… HELP!!!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
12955 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would ask each set of parents to give you a tiered wish list of guests (Must Invite, Should Invite, Would be nice to Invite, etc) and say you’ll work off of that, but that you will also have your own list.  In the end, you’re paying and it’s your wedding, so you get the final say.

Post # 4
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@abbie017:  My thoughts exactly.  Allow the parents to make requests but remind them that at the end of the day you are paying so you get final say in regards to what happens with the wedding budget.

For guest lists, create your own first with your FH and then have the parents send in a tiered list.  A list equals absolutely must invite, B list equals want to invite if there is room.

Post # 5
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

To me, there should be no question if you’re paying for your own wedding.  Your money, your decisions!

That was my attitude with our wedding, which we funded on our own.  I was paying for it, so I had the last say on everything.  If people wanted something in particular for the wedding (extra guests, etc.), then they were welcome to chip in for it. 

We dealt with guest list issues like that: we agreed to pay for a certain number (fair for both families).  If parents wanted additional friends or family invited, they were welcome to pay the price per head of each of those guests.  This worked really well.  Since none of them were paying for the wedding, there were no objections. 

Post # 6
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you are paying for the wedding, no one else gets any say.

The next time one of them brings up an opinion, especially one that is going to add to your costs, reply with a smile and “I appreciate your opinion, but that is not in the budget.” Repeat as many times as necessary. I know that some people will tell you to tell them to pay for extra people etc. if they want them, but I wouldn’t even give them that. That’s meant to deter opinions, but sometimes it backfires and people really will offer to pay.

Post # 7
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@vorpalette:  “I know that some people will tell you to tell them to pay for extra people etc. if they want them, but I wouldn’t even give them that.”

And typically when they offer to pay it’s only for the cost of the meal without regard for the additional costs incurred by adding another guest.  For example, favors or a candy buffett or wedding cake would cost a bit more for each person added.

Post # 8
Hostess
2640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@inloveweddingfever:  I say they shouldn’t get any guest request (unless reasonable, very close family member who was involed in you Fiance life). You can kindly ask them if they wish to have other people outside your list then they are free to pay for their seats at the wedding!

I am in the same situation…my usual reaction is “i will think about it” but I really do not. I am lucky my Father-In-Law and my family are not THAT pushy so they don’t push us…if they did..I would follow my own advice above. 

Post # 9
Hostess
2640 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@beachbride1216:  thats true never thought of that…so the fix here is to calculate the WHOLE cost per guest and have it available. .

@inloveweddingfever:  You parents must also know that they do NOT get the presents from those particular guest…thay still coming to YOUR wedding afterall.

Post # 10
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@KingsDaughter:  I tried the “We’ll think about it” when we were being pushed to have FI’s nephew in the wedding and use the officiant his brother used. It didn’t work. I had to pull out my bridezilla for those two. “I’ll think about it” is not an invitation to keep pushing me on it, as was apparently thought.

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