Dealing with relapsing fiancé and erratic behavior

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

lportellnj :   One of the rare times I will say, either get help or go. It is not okay for him to talk to you and accuse you like that all the time, particularly when you haven’t given him any reason to. And he has seen her ill firsthand! His insecurities is crazy and you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells throughout. 

Post # 17
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lportellnj :  I would also suggest he is quite the guy for suggesting your grandmother’s illnesses are fake while he, himself, is gripped in an illness.  It is sadly typical for people who are in a haze.  He may be a great guy (or he could be a jerk, IDK) but the reality is…..he is a drug/drink addict.

Is he is trouble with the law?  Does it affect his employment?  If you answer yes….BIG RED SIGN!  If you answer no, get ready to answer “Not yet” as it will happen.

The only thing worse than being like this is being like this plus one day.  Get out now.

Post # 18
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

lportellnj :  I left. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. My ex was addicted to drugs and alcohol. Opiods namely. It destroyed our relationship. He took no responsiblity for anything, gas lit me, was abusive, manipulated me and ruined my life. 

Get out now while you can.

I tried getting him help too. People who are addicted to their DOC have to want help themselves. You cannot do it for them. If someone tells you they got someone to kick their habit, that’s a flat out lie. 

I can tell you from being in recovery for almost a year myself you have to want it. 

You can encourage him to get treatment but if he doesn’t want to go or see there’s a problem, it will only get worse from here. 

Leave while the gettin’s good and you still have your sanity. 

Good luck Bee. 

Post # 19
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

lportellnj :  Any update for us?  The thing to always remember is this:  Addicts are VERY good at manipuating and wheeling and dealing.  Everyone can be on board but when the addict smells the weak link, that is all you need.  If the apt or house is in your name, pack up his stuff and call the cops if he tries to come in.  Seriously, do it.

Post # 20
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

How would I handle this? I would forget his phone number.

Post # 21
Member
1073 posts
Bumble bee

I hope you’re okay, Bee.  I know this is probably one of the most difficult things you’ve dealt with.  I must echo the other Bees here… this is not your battle to fight; it’s his.  He’s not fighting for himself, he’s not fighting for you, and he needs help in a real way.  

He either needs to get that help or you need to leave.  

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