Post # 1
My Fiance and I both came with a lot bagage. He was divroced with a child and I have a lot of pretty intense familial issues. He also had boat loads of debt that has been quite crippling from before he knew me. I am still getting through college which is a huge financial burden.The list goes on for both sides.
We have both talked about resentments for the other person. I am proud to say that it has been in the manner of heart-to-heart conversations, and not fights despite how honest we have been with each other. But open honest talks don’t actually fix anything in practice.
Anyone go through issues with resentment in their marriages or long term realtionships have any tips for getting to the other side of it without becoming mortal enemies?
Thanks you guys!
Post # 3
@freshflowers: this may not be what you want to hear, but it sounds like you both have a a number of serious issues that you need to work on individually before coming together as a couple. you shouldn’t be entering a marriage worrying about “getting to the other side without becoming mortal enemies”. I would put any marriage plans on hold and maybe even take a break from the relationship to work on your individual issues. Then you Can either get back together with a much sturdier foundation for your relationship or go your separate ways, but at least you will both be in a stronger and better place.
Post # 4
@freshflowers: for me, the biggest resentment in our relationship is “our” dog..
In college, my gf and my insecure and lonely roommate (she just broke up with her boyfriend and decided a dog was the best way to go) decided to buy a dog from the local animal shelter and then made an announcement to me after I got back from a work trip. They already picked out a name, collars, and toys. But hadn’t discussed a single thing with me. They did take me to the pound and provided me a chance to pick out a dog, but I was still like WTF are we doing here.My gf and the roommate swore they would take care of it and everything!
We got the dog home and it was horrible, it crapped and peed all over the house, scared the cat we already had and ate shoes and I had to clean it up. I was so resentful of both of them. But it gets worse, once it was time for us to move out and seperate, the dog became “OURS” and my roommate was able to walk away even though she was the one who wanted the DOG! Now I’m the one buying food, walking her, and picking up the crap when I didn’t even want her. my gf has gotten so attached to this dog she can’t even see how this is an issue.
the dog used to bring up a lot of arguments for my gf and I (and still does from time to time) but I’m trying to get over it by just not thinking about how they left me out of the decision. I like the dog, but I wish I would have been there to say NO before their minds were made up.