Post # 1
Hi Bees! Advice, suggestions, stories on your significant other using the silent treatment. Personally I think its a form of abuse and very damaging to a relationship.
My ex always did this and it bothers me everyday looking back. His mom did it to him even as an adult.
I would then get so upset and try anything to break the silence which ended up making me look like a lunatic. So everything got deflected back on me like I had the issues. He would then say “look at how you’re acting – and you wonder why I don’t want to talk to you” It was horrible. He really thought that since he wasn’t yelling or saying anything that his behavior was fine. It made me feel alone, helpless and worthless.
Post # 3
Is someone you’re currently dating giving you the silent treatment?
Honestly, I’d either just give it to them right back and go about my life or tell them that they’re welcome to come TALK to you about the problem as soon as they’re ready to be an adult/stop being a child.
Post # 4
12 year olds give each other the silent treatment. Not adults and definitely not to someone you care about.
Post # 5
Yeah I don’t do relationships where the guy gives me the silent treatment.
I have no problem with a guy telling me he wants to be alone for a while and to give him time after an argument but ignoring me and pretending like I’m not there is behavior appropriate for a 4 year old not a grown adult!
I already have to deal with having a mother who gives the silent treatment and so no way am I voluntarily allowing another passive-aggressive person into my life!
Post # 6
@calichamps4: I think that sometimes people really do just need a little break from their SO during an argument. If you’re not getting anywhere, you want to calm down and be less angry, etc. That’s okay.
Actively seeking to punish someone by refusing to speak to them for hours, days, weeks, not okay.
Post # 7
It is very immature. Adults communicate and resolve their issues. The silent treatment never fixes anything.
Post # 8
@calichamps4: Yeah… my ex would do that (like ignore me for days on end)… it isn’t right. It’s one of the most frustrating things possible.
There is a difference between taking a break from arguing and giving someone the silent treatment!
Post # 9
Definitely not ok for me. My ex used to do it to me and I hated it. He would ignore me for days and then all of a sudden start talking to me again. Then he would get mad that I couldn’t just start being all nice to him. So he would start ignoring me again.
I would never be with someone again who treated me like this. I walked on eggshells in my own house for 15 years never knowing what I would say or do that would make me get the silent treatment. It’s a horrible way to live but I didn’t really realize how bad it had been until he moved out and I had so much peace in my life and my home was a calm, relaxing place.
Post # 10
I lived with 2 other girls in college and shared my bedroom with one of them. They conspired together to give me the silent treatment for 3 months straight. I agree, it is emotionally abusive. The only communication I got from them was nasty notes calling me names left all over the apartment. Since it was 2 against 1 I was effectively ostracized in my own home without even having my own personal space. It was horribly stressful. At one point I tried to talk to the one who shared my room and had up till then been my best friend, but it ended in a nasty argument about the internet and I gave up. They had made up so many horrible things about me that they told each other that no one would listen to my side of the story.
I lived for the day I could move out and comforted myself with a sort of petty revenge:I moved out early and took all of my stuff. I owned all of the cooking utensils, the dining room furniture, the TV, and a lot of the other furniture (the only things not mine in the common area were the couch and coffee table), I also paid for the internet which they refused to pay me back for. I moved out almost a month before the lease was up and cancled the internet the day I moved because I had to return the equipment. Since the were both in LDRs that depended on internet chats and one was addicted to WOW I hear they were very upset about the internet going away. I also wonder how they managed to prepare any food.
Post # 11
@calichamps4: Read Love and Respect. It covers how some men become withdrawn when they feel they’ve been disrespected (which is an innate need in men); and how you can help combat this.
Post # 12
The silent treatment is hostile and immature. I would never date someone who did this. Needing space after an argument is not the same thing. When I need space, I say I love you, but I just need some time. Marital experts seem to generally agree that the proper, non abusive way to get space is to say, I need space and ill be back in an hour. Or whatever time frame. The person who takes the space is also responsible for initiating conversation to resume conflict resolution.
Post # 13
@calichamps4: I take the silent treatment as permission to have a conversation with myself about what an asshole the silent party is being at this moment in time, how his stupid face makes me wanna puke, and how I’m going to cut all of his pants off at the knee….when the silent party starts to talk because they’re angry about what I’m saying…I shush them, because they wanted play grumpy mime and god damn it, you have to commit to that choice!
Post # 15
I agree that the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. When an issue gets heated I am all for taking some “cool down” time to process your thoughts before talking it out, but punishing someone with the silent treatment is awful. Good for you for getting out of that relationship!
Post # 16
Very simple. I will NOT deal with it. My Fiance used to do this. I escalated my response to it until it came down to me going to my parents’ house until he was ready to act like a grown effing man. I was perfectly honest with my parents about why I was there, too. I will NOT sleep in the same bad as a little whiny baby who feels like he has to punich me by ignoring me.
This is how I handle everything I won’t deal with. I will simply not put up with it and he gets to choose whether or not he wants to stop and have me in his life. It’s been rare that I have had to do this, but it’s worked when I have.
The silent treatment stopped entirely when he was told under no uncertain terms that it is a form of abuse and entirely inappropriate in a Catholic marriage. That helped a lot for him to hear that it wasn’t just merely a quirk of his but VERY frowned upon. Thank you, Catholic Church!! It really helps to have backup, you know?