- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Hey bees – I’ve been following these boards all year up to and after my October 13 wedding this year, and just reading about the stress and craziness a lot of you have gone through has been a big support for me, which is why I’ve decided to write this post. I was enormously stressed and anxious leading up to my wedding, and as everyone said, the day ended up being beautiful. Yes, there were a few hiccups (the bouquets didn’t end up the way I wanted them to, the cake arrived late and my caterer almost ran out to get an emergency sheet cake because we thought it wouldn’t arrive), but otherwise the weather was perfect, everything was happy and wonderful.
We’d already gotten through most of the reception (dinner, first dance, father/daughter dance, bouquet and garter toss, cake cutting) and were in the middle of fun, free dancing, when something I would have never imagined in my life could happen at my wedding happened. I was dancing with my 75 year old grandparents to “Dancing Queen” by Abba and turned around for a second and when I looked back, my grandfather was on the floor with a heart attack. The next few minutes were a blur of calling ambulances, my grandmother yelling, me holding him until my planner pulled me away, fire trucks arriving, changing out of my dress into leggings and rushing to the hospital, where it turned out that he passed away. I had a very different wedding night than I could have ever imagined – my new husband carried me into our suite where we were joined by friends all night giving us so much love and support, continuing into the next morning, when we were supposed to go on our honeymoon. We ended up postponing the honeymoon just a few days after the funeral and redoing plans even while we were there (luckily a bunch of stuff was refundable) because we knew we needed it after everything we’d gone through. We’ve now been back and doing what everyone else does after a wedding – photo albums and sorting gifts and such, though also things most of you aren’t doing – vendor emails offering things in the future, wondering how to end those albums without the getaway moments we planned with a vintage car, sorting congratulations and condolences cards. Everyone keeps saying how beautiful the wedding really was, and that my grandfather died immensely happy, so much so that his body just couldn’t handle it. I’ve tried taking this to heart, though I’ll admit I have to force it to so I don’t look back on my special day with too much sadness and the selfish “why me/us” feelings, wondering if there really is such a thing as a happy death, if that’s what he would have really wanted or if that’s something we just all have to tell ourselves to feel better about it all.
For me, I’ve also been scouring the internet to see if anyone else has gone through anything like this, someone who would understand. At one point I found a post where someone said their distant cousin’s dad had passed away at her reception, and I contacted that person but they had lost touch with that cousin and she encouraged me to post on here. I’ve finally decided to do that – NOT for pity, not to scare anyone, but to see if anyone else out there has ever dealt with a situation like this and how they handled it. My dad and others have wanted me to have a closure ceremony to finish everything the way we should have, has anyone done anything like that? Any ideas would be welcomed.
Thank you in advance, I’ll say that even writing this out has been a really helpful thing for me to do, so I already know this must have been a good decision to do this.