(Closed) dear FMIL, you had your wedding… Now let me have mine!!!!

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

You need to put your foot down!

Don’t let her force tou to make a decision about anything right away. If she ‘suggests’ something, thank her, but let her know you need to think about it.

If she brings up the fact that you can’t change the date again, let her know that you those who are invited will be getting invitations anyway, so they will have plenty of notice on the corrected date anyway so it’s not a big deal.

The picture of the chapel is beutiful! Don’t let her bully you out of that. Keep repeating ‘Thank you, but we’ve already made a decision.’ 

It’s YOUR wedding.

Post # 4
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@futureMrsMason: I think the key is to give her as little information as possible so you don’t open a door into giving her an opinion.  Stick to “yes” and “no” as much as possible.  If she’s not paying, she doesn’t have to know.

You can’t really go back on the flower girl drama it seems, but just avoid talking about wedding stuff with her.  You can tell her your wedding date after you book the venue that YOU want. 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

ps – just buy the flowergirl dress that you want. ‘Accudentily’ ruin the other one if you have to. 

Post # 6
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It’s nice to please parents and parents-in-law but ultimately the decisions are yours, especially if you are the one paying!

As for the wedding date, I’m sure guests are going to come to the church based on the date listed on the invitation, no matter what she [done] told them! If she continues with rude and bossy comments, I recommend you have your Fiance speak to her, he will know how to deal with his mom.

Post # 7
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

Ok first, the chapel is amazing, don’t let it go. Secondly, eventually you’re going to have to say that this is going to be one of the most important days of your life and that you appreciate her input but it is ultimately about you and your Fiance.

Post # 8
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would tell her to kick rocks.. but the main reason Im writing this is to let you know that $200 is a great deal for a chapel.. her church is probably NOT free..its costing me $1000 to get married in my own church with all the fees they charge.. so shes probably wrong about that

Post # 9
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@futureMrsMason:  I second the PP about the price issue … I am getting married at the church I attend and it’s free for me but you are still expected to make a donation (and pay the organist). It’s discounted, but definitely not free (more like $500!), for “inactive members” such as children of members, which would be the category you fall into. It would probably be something like that are your MILs church. $200 is not bad at all, and that chapel is BEAUTIFUL. Seriously gorgeous. Stand up for what you want, you deserve it! You are paying and none of the “objections” she raised are insurmountable.

Post # 10
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Quit telling her details:) Book the places you and Fiance want, when you want them and buy your own $27 flower girl dress. This is your wedding and if you don’t take the initiative to get the things that are important  to you , she is going ot run you over like a train. If things don’t get better I would have Fiance talk to her about “being a little ovewhelming”, is how I would put it, so she will back off.

Post # 11
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@futureMrsMason: Honey grow a backbone NOWbecause one year will pass quickly. I went through the same thing. My aunts “planned” my mom’s wedding 30 years ago and wanted to do with same with mine.

Needless to say, I did what I wanted to do.

Do you want that little girl as a flower girl? If not, you need to call the fg and let her know that your Mother-In-Law jumped the gun, went behind your back, and you have chosen to use someone else. It is not your fault. Place the blame on your Future Mother-In-Law.

Second, buy the dress you want. Do you really want to look at that 2nd dress for the rest of your life in your wedding photos? Because photos are forever.

Third, keep all details to yourself. As a PP said, just say “I’ve already handled that thank you”.

Get ready for a battle over the guest list because it is coming.

Post # 12
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I assume that telling you to put your foot down is going to be sound advice, but were it that simple…it would have been done!

I agree, unfortunately she can’t handle being included on planning.

and when that guest list happens let her give you all the guests she wants personally I’d invoice her for each invite/plate…but again not you.

once the invites go out there’s nothing she can do other than be embarrassed when her friends have no where to sit and nothing to eat

Post # 14
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with PP.

What I ended up doing was keeping my mom and aunts out of my planning. I had to do it for me emotional sake. All they did was make me cry and hate all my ideas. I signed contracts without them knowing and kept my answers at  “I alraedy did that” thank you.

Since you are paying, you have the leverage. You can call the gf and tell her your Mother-In-Law was wrong and you have chosen another flowergirl.

That dress she bough you can donate it to the thrift store and buy the one you want.

You do not have to answer her calls. You can even be gracious and give her 5-10 peole she can invite to the wedding. Anyone else she will have to cough up the money.

 

 

Post # 15
Member
46404 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

At some point in every young couple’s life, they have to decide to stand on their own two ( or four) feet.

People can only do to you what you let them. “Thanks for the input Future Mother-In-Law. I have a different vision” or ” I will let you know our decision”.

She needs to learn that you are a couple and that you are capable of making your own decisions. If not, this could be a lifelong pattern.

 

Post # 16
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee

I’d just like to say that Darling Husband and I were telling a lot of people that our wedding was going to be on December 10, then we changed it to the 3rd so we could use the venue we wanted. No. Big. Deal. They got the invite with the right date on it and made the decision to come or not after that.

Put your foot down. Do it the way you and your Fiance want. Take other’s opinions (including your FMIL’s) into account, but in the end, the decision’s of how the wedding will be is yours and your FI’s to make.

Good luck!

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