(Closed) Dear MIL, NO YOU CANNOT WEAR THAT

posted 11 years ago in Dress
Post # 17
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with the posters who say you can’t really dictate what your Mother-In-Law wears. You can’t make every guest wear what you want them to wear so that your wedding “vision” is exactly what you want it to be. If she’s going to stick out like a sore thumb, and is doing this on purpose, then let her! She’ll be the one who looks overdressed, and if people want to talk about it, then let them! What matters is that you are the bride, and everyone will know that. She’s not goign to be able to steal your thunder on your wedding day…so just embrace it.

Post # 18
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

Repeat post

Post # 19
Member
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I wouldn’t try to upset to many people – esp with things you can’t control – like their clothes.  I would remind her that it’s not black tie and semi casual.  In the end you can only be happy with what you’ve planned for the wedding and hope the guests have fun.  If the photos look bad – print them in black/white!

Post # 20
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Most MOB’s or MIL’s would NEVER want to outshine the bride but they do want to look their best.  This could be the first time that she is meeting some of your family and friends.  Its a big deal to have your child get married and its a happy day, everyone wants to look at feel and good, it has nothing to do with outshining or one upping the bride.  I tend to be on the dressy side as well but when I go to a casual weddding I still want to look my best because it shows that I took the time to put myself together because I care about the bride (or groom).  I have been to plenty of weddings with the bride in flip flops and I have worn heels and there have never been whispers about trying to one up the bride.  In a way a wedding is the Mother’s day as well as she gets to show off her “little boy” and new DIL.

 

Post # 22
Member
3997 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

My first reaction was that she’s gonna ruin her manolo’s at an outdoor wedding.  That would be a tragedy to me, I heart shoes.  Anyway, I’d let this pass.  As long as she’s not wearing white, I’d be ok.  She won’t attract much attention.  It’ll be that everyone looks at her as she passes but the focus will be on you and your groom. 

Post # 23
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I totally agree with Dandelphia. You should choose your in-law battles and this is not worth it. Your Future Mother-In-Law has a totally different taste in style than you do. And she will never upstage you no matter how hard she tries, even if she shows up in a full on wedding gown. She can only make herself look ridiculous, not you.

Post # 24
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Are you planning on checking what all of your guests are wearing prior to the day?  It’s unlikely that everyone is going to fit into your “vision”.  Wedding guests are people, not decorations.  Your wedding day is as much of a day for your Future Mother-In-Law to celebrate as it is for you, that’s why she’s invited.  Let it go.

Post # 25
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

nobody is going to care what she is wearing… and you should not either. 

Post # 26
Member
5150 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I say choose your battles. If you MUST do something ask your fiance to talk to her…but please be aware that it might make things awkward. You could also compromise and say “wow I like the gold dress! Maybe you and I can go shopping for some flipflops that will match”. I say keep the peace and if she looks inappropriate it isn’t on you, it is on her. 

good luck 🙂

Post # 27
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I would let it go.  If she wants to be the one person way overly dressed, let her.  It is not any shade of white right?  I wouldn’t let this create a riff between you and her – most people will be thinking the same thing as you anyhow and knowing that you had the decency to NOT say anything will give you the upper hand.

Post # 28
Member
324 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@secretlittlebee: Another thing I thought about is that some people, especially older generations will think that you are suppose to put on fancy clothes for weddings. She may think that flip flops at a wedding is unheard of, maybe she does not know or care for the idea of laid back attire at a wedding. Let it go. 

Post # 29
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

really? a 60 y/o woman is going to upstage the bride?? I just cant see that.  i think it’s a little dramatic to worry about the mob or mil upstaging the bride on her wedding day.  i went to one wedding where a 20-something beautiful friend of the bride actually wore a sparkly skin tight pageant dress…and guess what? she still didn’t upstage the bride.

Post # 30
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

In a way, I understand PART of where you’re coming from.  The outfit looking over the top and far, far out of place amongst what sounds like a laid-back informal occassion.  That’s what I understand and can sympathize with due to my FIL’s who will want to wear dressy clothes to our wedding that will be more a party than a wedding.  (15 min ceremony, buffet-style reception, and no arranged seating with the list topping at 130 guests including children.)

If my FI’s parents (his mom, especially) come dressed in their “Sunday best” (as everyone around here calls it, lol) then they’re gonna stand out like a sore thumb amongst people wearing casual street cloths and costumes (yep, we’re encouraging fantasy costumes for our fantasty-themed wedding… hense the ‘no dressy clothes’ request).

however, like a lot of the others, I don’t get the fear of people upstaging the bride.  everyone there is to see YOU and to socialize (at least around here… funerals and weddings are where the seldom-seen family memebers get together to gossip and chat and catch up with each other…).  Unless you have someone else wearing a gown, veil, etc, I don’t think it’ll be a problem figuring out who the bride is.  And even if someone did, the guests would 10 to 1 only question that person and still seek the newly married couple out.  After all, YOU are who the guests are coming to see and watch get married. 

Post # 31
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I would have your Fi just remind her of the feel of your wedding and that she might be overdressed. If she is adamant about wearing the dress, then you have to drop it I guess!

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