Post # 1
So I had two baby showers to go to this weekend (Was someone punishing me?)….
Fiance is 31 and I’m 28 – we have throughly discussed the situation that we are NOT going to have children. If it happens, then yes we will keep the baby and love it and all that good stuff. However, we are not actively pursuing parenthood and don’t plan on doing so. At first I always thought I wanted 2-3 kids but over the last 3 years I’ve discovered I love other people’s children, but don’t have the patience to raise my own.
Well today at a baby shower for my cousin, EVERY SINGLE female there said “oh wait until you have your own” OR “When do you guys think you will start your family?”. I smile and politely say “I lvoe my dogs and I will gladly hang out with your children but it is a no-go for us”. To which they all respond – “Oh you’re young, you will change your mind” OR “You say that now but everything changes”.
NO IT WILL NOT! Please stop assuming I will change my mind or just patronizing me. We get this all the time and I just want to scream!! Why can’t people understand that some people are not wired to have children? I love my friend’s children – I will do anything for them – take them anywhere, buy them anything – but to be honest – I like giving them back at the end of the day!!
Post # 3
Ugh I hate how people bug newlyweds (and not so newlyweds) and engaged couples about when they will have kids! IT IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS SO BUTT OUT! My husband and I aren’t sure about kids either. We had people asking us at our wedding when we are going to have kids. Geez, we just got married can we take a minute?!
Personally, I think it’s so rude for people to ask since some people have reproductive problems and might not be able to have children and it could upset them to keep asking.
Post # 4
Just go, “What an inappropriate question. You must be so embarrassed.” Substitute “How rude of you,” if it’s not a question. Repeat for the rest of your life because people will not stop.
Post # 5
ugh, I HATE that!! It doesn’t help that I’m in my 30’s and people have seriously told me that I need to hurry up. Glad I’m not the only one!
Post # 6
I thought I would kill someone the next time they asked me if/when I was going to have kids. Not that we didn’t want any as I am currently preggers, but hubby and I lived together for a couple of years before we got married and people JUST KNEW I would end up pregnant at some point. Then we got engaged and everyone would quietly whisper that “well, accidents do sometimes happen”. Then I turned 30 and people speculated whether we would “just happen” to get pregnant on our wedding night. Then after a couple of months people wondered if we were “having problems” getting pregnant…I was like REALLY?!?!?!?!? How about we just decided we were going to have kids at a certain time and it didn’t fit into any of your timeframes…UGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 7
I kind of know how you feel. I’m 21 and got engaged 2 weeks ago. Pretty sure my family is waiting for me to announce a pregnancy and have a shot gun wedding. I’m not pregnant, and I don’t plan to be for atleast another 5 years! But I know as soon as I’m married my grandma will start asking for great grandchildren…sigh.
Post # 8
ugh i hate when people ask that. And it seems that people who are new parents are the most common offenders. Its just not appropriate to say “when?” I think its ok to inquire of a good friend if they want to be parents one day – but if the person says no then don’t push!!!! We had a work dinner last week where a guys said he and his wife said they had no intention of having kids – and I was so proud of everyone (most of whom are happy parents) for not pushing at all.
Post # 9
@chicagobride – you’re back! yess. I like your answer – that would really, really cause someone to reflect on their questioning.
I went to the pool this weekend and there were so many screaming kids that my timeline went from 5 years to maybe never. I tell ya – there has been no greater birth control or deterrent than being a newlywed and receiving this questioning, combined with early summer in Florida and seeing bad kids running around.
Post # 10
@Melissabegins I work as a nanny. BEST.CONTRACEPTION.EVER. Every teenager should spend a week doing my job, and teen pregnancy rates would drop so quickly.. lol.
Post # 12
My guy and I were asked this a couple weeks ago. We were both floored.
#1 – I have three kids.
#2 – My guy has a hereditary condition that he does not want to pass on to a child.
#3 – I have three kids.
#4 – We have been together for nearly seven years. If having a baby was something on our “to do” list I think we’d be there by now.
#5 – I have three kids.
Oh, and my “baby” is nine. Diapers again? Fuggedaboutit.
~sigh~ People are insane. Just tell them that you’re not planning on having children and walk away if they don’t have the common sense and manners to let it go at that point.
Post # 13
Oh man.. we are not officially engaged yet and everyone tells me I wil want kids someday. I just want to scream back MY SO GOT A VASECTOMY! But it’s none of their business so I just say “We’ll see…”.
Post # 14
@Roux…oh my gosh. I laughed so hard at your response. I work in my church’s primary and teach the little ones…cute kids, love them, but I agree..best contraception ever. lol
Post # 15
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
We’ve dodged this so far but I think once we’re married it will be a different story. We’re totally undecided but I don’t want anyone to think that’s an opportunity to give me the rundown on the joys of being a parent. blah.
Post # 16
We are like you – we’ve decided not to have kids for personal reasons and every time we share that with someone they tell us we’re totally wrong and will end up having kids. I’m usually like, “Well, if you insist then you can raise them!”
It’s annoying, so usually I just lie and say “If we are blessed with children then we will have them.” It shuts people up b/c it sort of alludes to the fact that you might be having reproductive problems or something and what an uncomfortable convo!