(Closed) Dear Prudence chimes in on the “no kids” policy

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I love it!

 

Post # 5
Member
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can’t believe a mom would refuse to atten her own son’s wedding.  RUDE.

Post # 6
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Holy karp! I personally do not agree with the no-kids-allowed scene, but this reaction was pretty ridiculous!

Post # 7
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Personally, I think “no kids” policies are ridiculous, but I do agree with her that the mom shouldn’t have boycotted her son’s wedding because of it!!  It’s crazy what weddings can do to families.

Post # 8
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2010

We’re having a child-free wedding mostly to keep costs down, but also because our reception is in an art museum. Little fingers around priceless art leads to an evening that the parents will inevitably spend eagle-eying kids. I see absolutely nothing wrong with child-less receptions, as long as everybody is included or excluded evenly. This mom was crazy!!

Post # 9
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i wish i could find a martha stewart article stating that it is ok to not have kids at a wedding. we don’t want to have kids and my mom thinks that is horrible. she told me to find out martha’s opinion and she might reconsider. I haven’t been able to find anything yet!

Post # 10
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I definitely think that there are places and events that are inappropriate for children. While there are exceptions (breast-feeding mothers, kids with special needs perhaps)- there’s no reason that parents can’t be away from their kids for 4 hours during a reception.

Post # 11
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

@ mskalinin and PeytonL79 you say that you don’t agree with childless receptions and they are ridiculous, why do you say that?  I’m not looking for a fight, just curious as to why you feel so strongly that others should not get to have the wedding of their choosing?

Post # 13
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m curious… Why do the people who think “no kids” is inappropriate feel this way?

Post # 14
Member
11324 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@summergirl- thank you!!!

@teaadntoast- my mom had a bunch of reasons. First because she thinks weddings are “family events” and its rude to exclude any family members. Second because everyone else in our family has invited kids and she’s never heard of a wedding where kids arent invited. Third because we shouldn’t expect families to have to hire babysitters for their kids (I told her that we’d get a babysitter on-site; she told me no decent parent would leave their kid with a babysitter someone just hired for the day). 

Post # 15
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

it always so confusing to me when people get offended that their children are not invited. i had a NO KIDS wedding and a couple of people brought their children anyway…and then commenced to complain all night about how “little joey” couldnt eat this and “little joey” didnt like that.  thats why he wasnt invited.

Im throwing a party.  your kids ARENT invited.  if you cant bear to spend 4 hours without your kids, dont come.  Whats the problem?  just because you feel weddings and receptions should be “family friendly” events, doesnt mean everyone else does.  my ceremony didnt start until 8 pm and my reception was VERY cocktail focused,  Not appropriate, In My Humble Opinion, for kids.

and to think a MOTHER convinced her whole family to boycott because a 6 year old wasnt invited… people are so selfish.

Post # 16
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m not saying that others shouldn’t have the weddings of their choosing, but I do think no-kids policies are taken to the extreme when the result of the policy is to, for example, exclude neices and nephews of the bride (i.e., the bride or groom’s siblings’ kids), or other children with whom the bride and/or groom have a close relationship.  For example, if the bride/groom has a close friend who has children and the bride/groom personally knows and spends time with those kids – try explaining to a child who truly loves the bride/groom why they can’t attend the event. 

I am admittedly a little biased because I have a daughter, and I don’t see children as the wedding-plan destroying tikes that some brides do.  I’ve attended a couple of weddings with my daughter when she has also been included, and I’ve left her at home (with my ex) for a few weddings, most recently one in which I was Maid/Matron of Honor.

I think that if a couple is going to have a no kids policy that will wind up hurting the feelings of the people who they are closest to (i.e., siblings), they seriously need to reconsider that policy.  To perhaps change it to – only children of family members included – or something similar.      

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