- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Sorry just a vent. I love my father, but let me start off by saying he is a man of very few words. We live 3,000 miles apart and I can barely get him to stay on the phone with me for 5 minutes. He doesn’t e-mail, or text or anything else.
My dad also has 9 siblings and he is the second-youngest. All of his older siblings still boss him around like he is a little kid. Knowing this, when planning for the guest list his bossier siblings got extra people of their family included because I knew that my dad would just cave and say “okay” if questioned about our decisions. Better to account for them now than have to add them later when my guest list is full.
Last Monday, (after the worst day of work ever), my uncle told my dad that he couldn’t officiate our wedding and my dad just said “okay”. He didn’t even ask my uncle to call me and discuss or ask him if he had any other solutions to offer. Just “okay” and hung up the phone!
A few months ago, we decided “no cousins” because of our huge family. Just Aunts and Uncles only. Well, at a family party (which I did not attend), my aunt asked about my 19-year old cousin attending with his girlfriend and my dad goes “okay”. Umm, doesn’t he realize that saying yes to 1 cousin means that all 52 of my cousins have to also be invited? And their dates? That is 104 people added to our 75 person wedding! My cousin didn’t even realize that I live in Arizona- we literally never speak and he has never met my Fiance. I’ve lived here for 4 years. No, I did not send invites to the other cousins, I’m just crossing my fingers that no one else finds out.
Today, my mom informs me that my dad approved another one of my cousins and his wife to bring their 6 month old baby to the ceremony. My fiance and I had a specific plan regarding children and my dad didn’t even ask us- he just told my cousin “okay”. My Fiance is pissed and he wants to fly to Michigan to have a meeting with my parents. Baby is really not that big of a problem- we will just pay for childcare for the ceremony, but the point is my dad keeps saying “yes” and now we have to go back and explain why there is no baby allowed.
I don’t want to make my dad feel bad- he doesn’t know any better or understand the implications okaying 1 little baby or 1 cousin and his gf or my officiant cancelling. Weddings just aren’t that big of a deal to him. My mom told him about me being upset about the officiant and having to scramble to find someone else and he felt terrible. How can I ask him to forward all questions to me without his dignity and position in his family suffering?
Is anyone else having problems with their parents making decisions on their own regarding the wedding without discussing with the bride and groom first?
PS- yes, my parents are paying and their opinion matters. But I am the only person who seems to care about the budget that they set and knows how much it costs to add extra people. How they possibly expect to stay within $5k is beyond me when we continue to add every relative who asks?