Post # 46
svwedding: I understand what you mean. I suppose it’s just like I said, send texts letting her know that you’re thinking of her. Call her if she is up for it. Maybe in another txt ask about the baby. She might reply with things you can reply to and then you go from there. You’re a good friend, so as long as you stay in touch, let her know you care, don’t talk too much about the wedding, and allow the friendship to evolve with your friend (ie. don’t expect it or her to be the same necessarily), then I think you’ll be fine. Best wishes.
Post # 47
svwedding: thats great to hear, you are doing everything she needs of you. You cant help her overcome the grief, she needs to do that on her own, but she knows you are there for her. follow her lead, if she demands wedding stuff, talk about wedding stuff. If she starts texting you about mundane stuff, text back (and every now and then start the conversation of mundane stuff). It seems like shes opening the door.
It seems already like she wants to move forward which means while shes still sad, shes out of the initial shock. This is good. She will now go thru a whole host of other emotions, as she moves on. from what you say, you have so far already been doing everything you need to do for your friend, so just keep doing it. time will bring back normal.
Post # 48
svwedding: I wouldn’t bring up the wedding at all. Honestly, find someone else to help, hire a wedding planner. Your wedding is the very last thing she needs to be concerned with right now. Especially with her being pregnant. My best friends sibling commited suicide and there are so many emotions that go along with it. It is very up and down. Just be there for her. Text her and let her know you are here for her. Its ok to say.. ” I don’t have any words to comfort you but just know that I love you and am here for you.” Trying to find the “right” words end up hurting or upsetting the person grieving more. Also, check in periodically. A lot of people are there for you before the funeral but after its over they move on and forget that the family is still grieving.
Post # 49
Cait2007: I read that it can take years to “get over” it, though I don’t think any of them ever really will get over it. I know she will never go back to the way she was before this, and I don’t know how it will change her, but she knows I’m there no matter what.
I wish you had somebody too, I imagine it’s even more tough on child survivors because none of their friends know how to be about it and they might not be old enough to understand, and the adults are probably so consumed with their own grief that the child might get overlooked.
I’ll look that forum up for her and see if she wants to even hear about it.
Post # 50
mrs.stormylove: Please read the rest of the thread. And no, I will not be hiring a wedding planner, that’s way too expensive and in my opinion a waste of money. We’ll muddle through somehow.
Post # 51
svwedding: you hit the nail on the head really thank you for being a great friend.
Post # 52
Cait2007: I try! 🙂 We’re slowly approaching a new version of normal, we talk about her sister a little, we talk about her grief counseling and pregnancy and how she decided to go back to work already because it keeps her busy, and we talk about my wedding and her wedding (hers helps me figure things out for mine), because, as she puts it, “Don’t feel funny for talking about your wedding to me. It’s nice to hear about other things. Happy things. Things that make other people happy.” So there’s that, I guess.
I’m so glad her daughter is too little to be sad or understand what happened. (Her grandmother told her her aunt was sleeping, and the baby looked at grandma like she was stupid, so she understands some.) It’ll be easier for her to process when she’s older because she won’t be connected to it the way her mom is, at least I think so.