Post # 1
Ladies, I need advise. Or maybe just sympathy. My fiance’s cousin P, who we’re very close to, lost her oldest son T in a boating accident last night. Our wedding is on Saturday and we both feel horrible. T was only 15. We obviously don’t expect P, her husband, and other 2 sons to come to the wedding. As far as we know the other cousins, aunts, uncles on that side of the family are still coming. P has been such a big part of our lives. She was the first famiy member I met aside from his parents. She lives in the same town as FI’s parents (about 4 hours from where we live) so we see them several times a year. She helped organize an engagement party for us and has just generally been a wonderful person. I guess my question is, how do we be happy in 4 days knowing that this horrible thing just happened that’s impacting so many in our family? And what can we do for P to express how sad we are since we can’t attend the funeral and won’t see them in person for a couple weeks at least? I don’t feel it’s appropriate to do any of the honoring of family at the wedding that I’ve seen here. It’s still too raw and he was too young. We weren’t planning on doing anything special to honor other older relatives who have passed so doing anything for T would just highlight that. But at the same time I don’t want to just pretend nothing happened. What do I do??
Post # 2
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Honestly, I think your wedding will be a nice & welcomed “happy” celebration in the midst of all of this. I don’t want to say, pretend nothing happened, but I think offering personal condolensces to the guests that will be attending in private will be enough. “Aunt Sally, I am so sorry for the loss of T but I am so grateful that you were able to come celebrate with us anyhow. Please give P & her family a great big hug for me as I won’t be able to see her for a couple weeks & let her know that I am thinking of her.” That was choppy, but you catch my drift!
So sorry to hear about this tragedy though :[
Post # 3
I think it might be nice for at some point in your wedding to have a moment of silence for him… other than that I am not sure what to do.
I am very sorry for this loss… so sad. 🙁
Post # 4
MrsSmitty: Send a handwritten letter of condolence to P. Share some of the memories you have of her son.
We all worry about what to do when a death happens close to the wedding. In most cases, I think we are safe to assume that the person who died woud wish for life to go on for everyone else and for them to be happy.
Post # 5
MrsSmitty: We had an unexpected death of an immediate relative exactly two days before our wedding. It was devastating, and certainly changed the tone of our wedding. So, I am really sorry that you are also having to go through this during an otherwise happy time.
I can tell you that it gave a few hours for our family to “escape” the reality (our grieving). However, we also made sure our Pastor said something in honor of our loved one during the ceremony. I cried during that moment, as did my family. However, it was such a special moment that I would not take back.
We personally felt like it was necessary, given the timing, to have a moment for this particular loved one. However, near the ceremony site, we also had one candle per family member that had passed, beautifully displayed as part of our decor. It was our way of not forgetting them on our special day, without it being distracting or somber.