(Closed) Death in the family, sending out invites today – what's the etiquette?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Which envelope should I use?
    Both names - Mr. & Mrs. Mickey Mouse : (9 votes)
    23 %
    Just her name - Mrs. Minnie Mouse : (24 votes)
    60 %
    Other [Please explain!] : (2 votes)
    5 %
    Mrs. his name - Mrs. Mickey Mouse : (5 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4439 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

    @PrincessBride27:  It sounds like your mom is also a bit distraught… obviously he needs to be off the guest list because you KNOW he won’t be attending.

    Post # 4
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I would probably hold off sending the invite for at least a week or two.  When you do, I’d just put Mrs. Minnie Mouse

    Post # 5
    Member
    248 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    That is a tricky situation. I would go with the invite with just her name.

    Post # 6
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I thought a read somewhere that a widow should be mrs and her husbands name. So,  Mrs. Mickey Mouse. Can anyone confirm that?

    Post # 8
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @PrincessBride27:  I agree with PP. She just lost her husband, wait to send out an invite for your wedding for a few weeks, but when you do send it only to her.

    Post # 9
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m with your mother – I think the magnitude/flood of emotions from him already being off (“this is my new life – every future invitation will only be adressed to me”), vs him still being on (“i’ll have to go to this event without him”) is worse. and if you get them out today.. who says you didn’t drop them off yesterday? 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2070 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Whatever you do, don’t use her maiden name – she keeps her married name as a widow.

    🙁 I’m sorry for your loss.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    Etiquette Snob here…

    OK I’ll answer the Question about titles of address first:

    Mr. & Mrs. John Black = Married

    Mrs. John Black = Widowed (Traditional)

    Mrs. Jane Black = Widowed (Modern)

    Ms. Jane Black = Divorced

    *NOTE – The choice of a Widow to go by her Hubby’s Name (Tradtional) or her own (Modern) is one that she should decide.  If in doubt go with the most formal / traditional format.

    Now as to the issue of the Death…

    In this situation no matter what you do is going to be a difficult choice for you… and painful for the Grieving Woman…

    Here are suggestions…

    Either put them into the mail IMMEDIATELY so they are post-marked today.

    OR

    Wait a week or two (depends I suppose on how much leadtime you have to play with in regards to the RSVPs)… two weeks would be better… in which case it would be addressed to only her.

    The latter would be my first choice in this situation.

    However, be aware that your Aunt may altho be quite grateful for the Invite, she may choose not to attend… many a Grieving person although in modern life choosing to get back into a social setting more quicker than in past generations, still often find larege events to be too overwhelming for a few months.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    10453 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I would just put her name. It would just be awful reminder to see his name and know he can’t obviously come. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    345 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    When my Pap (Grandfather) passed away last year my Nan got upset very easily seeing his name on things, I bought him a magazine subscription for his birthday and she asked me to change the address on it so it came to me instead as she found it too hard.

    so I would say, post your other invites and post the one to your Great Aunt at a later date, only naming her on the invite dependent on what your mum thinks at that time, when everyone is so early on in the grieving process it is difficult to get rational answers, so just give them all a bit of time

    Post # 15
    Member
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    How about “The Mouse Family”?

    This way it avoids conflict, especially if they have no children living with them.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2401 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Personally, I would send out all of your invitations to everyone but her and her immediate family. Maybe have your mom hand deliever it in a week or two without her name addressed. 

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