Post # 1
I’m having a hard time explaining to Fiance why I don’t think that his brother is the best candidate for giving a long, deep, moving speech at our wedding. That a simple toast to us is more then fine.
I’m wondering what you’re gals’ thoughts on this is….here’s the back ground. So before you think I’m just a jerk that doens’t want his bro to speak….read on….
I don’t know Future Brother-In-Law, I’ve met him once or twice, attended his wedding,but never spent an actual 5 minutes talking to him EVER. He doens’t know me, or anything about me, let alone me and Mr S together. What’s worse is Mr S has maybe talked to him a total of 10 times in a year and a half, mostly about Call of Duty 4 and his views (and his views only) on the president.
I’ve expressed that I’ve nothing against his brother, from what I know I like him – but I can’t imagine what he could stand up and say at the wedding that would be truthful and about me and Mr S, or even just Mr S seeing as he’s not been a part of his life for the past 10 years or so in a significant way. He doens’t even come home for holidays.
Future Father-In-Law has offered to help him write a speech, but still it’s a "put on" I mean, it’s not actually coming from Future Brother-In-Law and would be weird to me for him to get up and recite some scripted lines.
I feel like the speeches should be heartfelt and honest. About who we are apart and together and I don’t feel like Future Brother-In-Law can do that. I think that asimple toast to us on our day will suffice.
I should mention that Future Brother-In-Law is Bridesmaid or Best Man, but mostly because in Mr S’ first wedding he wasn’t, and he felt guilty – plus he had a hard time choosing between his 2 best friends for the duty of Bridesmaid or Best Man.
In all fairness I’m willing to cut out the speech from the bridesmaid side too.
Post # 3
Its his brother. Don’t know what there is to understand.
Post # 4
I think I’m with MissRojoOso too-
if you want someone to give a nice second little toast that maybe knows you better as a couple, then ask them to give a brief toast too
Post # 5
I think that if the FBIL is left to his own devices he will come up with something lovely to say. It may not be incredibly moving or anything but it’s better than a long rambling drunken speech full of nonsense that we have all had to hear at weddings.
Post # 6
I understand your thinking. It does seem like someone who knows the two of you better would be a better candidate. However, I think that you get to choose someone from your side of things to give a speech and/or toast, and your Fiance gets to choose someone. Unless you think Future Brother-In-Law is going to be drunk off his ass and say something horribly inappropriate, I’m not sure you have a good reason to veto him.
And the thing is – guys don’t always talk the way girls do – at least not in front of girls. Maybe talking politics and video games is how they relate a lot of the time. Maybe they talk about other things when you’re not around to hear them. I know my Fiance seems to mostly talk golf and make really inappropriate jokes with his friends, but apparently when I’m not around they have had some deep talks about life and love and our relationship – I mostly hear about those from his friends’ wives.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country
If his brother wants to give a speech on his brothers wedding day, I cant imagine how bad it would look of you to "axe" a speech, you know? Just because he needs help writing a speech doesnt mean he wants to give one any less. If he’s looking for an "out" and expresses the desire NOT to give a speech, then by all means, dont make him, but if it looks like he wants to do it, you should definitely let him. Anyone who wants to give a speech should really be able to give one. Its a day to celebrate life, not to squash peoples requests because you think someone could do a better job at a particular task.
Sometimes you just have to live and let live…it will make it better for your future united family if you dont try to control every detail.
Post # 8
Does your Fiance want him to do it? Like everyone said, its not like he’s going to insult you or anything. maybe he’ll mention the fact that they haven’t been as close as he would have liked, but he can’t wait to get to know you as a couple…..I have a worse story – my Fiance did the speech for his brother’s wedding. He had plenty of time to think about it, and planned one out. however, he is horrible at those things, and completely screwed it up. He ended up saying about the bride "I have never seen you happy"….dead silence. everyone then kind of uncomfortably giggled, and he said, "well congratulations". Now, this may not have been a big deal, but the bride really was a miserable person, and no one wanted them to get married, including the MOG, who was sobbing during the ceremony. Since then, she has gotten a million times better, and people really like her. But, they still bring up his speech at every family dinner (probably once a month), and that was 3 years ago….he made a mistake, it didnt’ mean anything, etc. BUT, now is brother is doing a speech for our wedding, and keeps threatening to asy something on the same lines…..thank god I am not miserable, and they all like me! But he does seem to think I am controlling – mainly because my Fiance always says "talk to the boss", as a freaking joke though! I really really really don’t want him to give a speech….but what can I do? He is my FI’s twin brother. SO, when it comes down to it, who cares? If he were to say something, I am sure I could come up with something right back.