Debating divorce…again

posted 1 month ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

 I think you have to realize that your husband is likely feeling hugely betrayed by your actions. I don’t blame him for not wanting to be intimate with you yet. I know I wouldn’t if I was in his shoes, and I’m also a person who really needs the sexual intimacy to feel loved as well.

Reading your post I think you are mentally done with this marriage. I’d complete the divorce and move on.

Post # 3
Member
3760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Heads up, you’re not going to like this answer. Although I understand your love language, needs, etc., thats not an excuse for your extremely selfish, cheating behavior which you have the gall to consider repeating. Yes, divorce him. But do it for him bc I think he deserves better. Do it for the both of you bc you clearly aren’t compatible and it sounds like you were never in love with him.

Post # 4
Member
3406 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Your entire post is about you. What you want, how you cheating was his fault, how he’s not fixing things…what are you doing other than harping on him? 

It sounds like you are far too selfish, and as a couple you aren’t compatible. 

Post # 5
Member
5512 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Hold on…are you blaming your affair on HIM?!?! And you’re starting to consider cheating on him again but only don’t want to because of the guilt you felt last time…what?!

If you keep debating divorce over and over in your head, you should do it. 

Post # 6
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee

daisy8812 :  I’ll be honest, you do not sound like you’re in this for the long haul and probably should move forward with a separation or divorce. You delivered a huge blow to him by being unfaithful in the first place and going forward with the wedding…and then re-entering the relationship wanting to work it out, after moving out. And your demands are frequent intimacy?! Of course he’s struggling in that department, who wouldn’t? If you’re not in love and already contemplating yet another affair, just end it.

Post # 7
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

I stopped reading at “affair.”

You shouldn’t have even gotten married to begin with. 

Post # 8
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2019

Divorce. You have to understand you betrayed him, it isn’t fair that you seem to think he is at fault for not trying hard enough. You need to improve yourself, and let him find somone who will treat him with the respect that he deserves.

Post # 9
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee

So much I WANT to say but discretion prevails. so all I can say  WOW,  I feelbad for the husband.

Post # 10
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You had a year long affair during your engagement and surprise surprise your husband is probably disgusted and betrayed, therefore leading to a lack of intimacy.  

Do this guy a favour and leave, do not stay and make this worse for him because you’re scared to be alone at 30. You ruined your marriage before it even started.  People who use the ‘lack of sex’ excuse for cheating are douchebags. 

Post # 11
Member
667 posts
Busy bee

I have never been married and will be 30 this year. I plan to marry my SO but if it did not work out I would accept it and move on… not stay because I am almost 30.

Beyond that… there is nothing to debate or think about. Get the divorce. Nothing about your story is marriage material nor was it ever.

Post # 12
Member
499 posts
Helper bee

 I have to ask.. how the hell did you manage to look him in the eyes and exchange vows on your wedding day? 

 

Maybe this makes me particularly angry because a very similar situation happened to a family member a few months ago, but ffs…. I literally can’t fathom how someone cheats on their fiance and then has the balls to marry them anyways.

Post # 13
Member
96 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I found it quite odd that you stopped going to therapy after a few sessions because YOU didn’t feel like its was benefitting HIM. Isn’t it his call to decide whether or not it’s benefitting him? And what about you? What have you been doing to rebuild his trust, be a better wife and make him feel loved?

Post # 14
Member
3349 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I, too, have been a total asshole in a relationship. I have cheated. I have been cheated on. I have been divorced. I took a big ol time out to fix my own shit. Which is exactly what you need to do. You need to let this poor guy go. And fix yourself. 

And here I am, totally faithful and happily married and just so damn cozy and happy and content and healthy at the absolutely ancient age of 36… so contrary to popular belief, life does actually still keep going after 30. In fact, it can be pretty good. 

Divorce this guy. Divorce is not a freaking death sentence. Life goes on. But get to the real root of not only why you cheated, but why you are totally able to justify cheating, which is pretty unjustifiable. And take steps to assure you don’t put yourself in that position again. 

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