(Closed) Debating on Buying a Home With My SO

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 3
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We bought a house before becoming engaged. I always told myself I would not live with someone beore an engagement and I did anyway because we had discussed that it would happen. I became very paranoid that he wouldn’t propose (it took 10 months after moving in). That paranoia probably made me a tad bit crazy. You have to decide what’s right for you and what you can handle! It’s worked out fine for us but that 10 months was a bit annoying! 

Post # 4
2142 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Are you planning on staying there after graduation? How many more years till you graduate?

How long has he held his full time job? (could affect loan approval)

Can you afford more than 15%? Most loan nowadays want 20% minimum unless you can qualify for other non conventional loans.

How’s the market in your area? Will that 15-20% get you a home that is “move in ready” and not need alot of updates? If not do you have the funds for updates or home maintenance issues that WILL come up?

I don’t know if utilities are included in your rent now. If not can you afford the extra utility bills? Not just electric, gas & cable. Water, sewer, school taxes, county taxes. Homeowner’s insurance, etc etc.

I don’t know you and your SO so if YOU feel it’s a sure thing not being engaged before buying a house would be the least of my worries. 😀

Post # 6
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Ask for the ultiliy bills for the last year on any property before you put in an offer (water, electric, gas, trash, etc).

The biggest trade off in my  mind to buying is that you will lose the flexibility to move easily for a better job.



Post # 7
634 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Personally, for me 2 years isn’t long enough to buy a home with someone. I couldn’t do it, I would either need to be together longer or need engagement/ marriage. BUT that’s me, if you think it’s the right thing for yourself personally/ financially and your relationship, go for it!

Post # 8
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

we bought our house before we got engaged.

i am still at uni and have a part time job, he works full time.

i knew i wanted to be with him for the rest of forever and so we started to save up to put a deposit down on a house after we were together for a year. we bought our house, knowing we could manage the payments while i was still working part time and at uni, as when i graduate and get a full time position we will have evenm more left over at the end of the month.

we got engaged the first christmas we were in our new home together.

i wouldnt have changed the decisions we made for the world.

things like this are hard to make decisions on as you can only truely speak for yourself and how you feel. i knew i wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, so i knew that i wouldnt regret buying a house with him as for me it was the right decision.

fingers crossed for what ever decision you make!


Post # 9
13251 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be pretty hesitant to buy a house with someone I’d dated for two years without any sort of engagement or future commitment.  It’s a fun idea to think about, but when it boils down to it, it’s a big gamble.  Houses are expensive – not just the initial costs, but the utilities, upkeep, HOA fees (if applicable), renovations, decorations…  If you don’t like the current situation in your apartment stemming from the students, maybe move to a new area that has fewer students.

Post # 10
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t buy a house with someone without a comitment. It sounds like you may be engaged soon, but what if he has some problem or hang-up? While you may be spending a bit more money to rent for one more year, think of how expensive and complicated selling a house post break-up could be. I hope that doesn’t happen but it’s something you should think about. 

Edit: Something else I just thought of – if he puts all his money towards the house, it will probably push back buying the ring for another year or so. This may cause a lot of friction in your relationship, I know it would mine! 

Post # 11
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

We bought a house and got engaged 6 months later. It maybe even sped up the process!

Post # 12
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@abbie017:  “I’d be pretty hesitant to buy a house with someone I’d dated for two years without any sort of engagement or future commitment.”

I agree.  I’d at least want one ring on my finger (if not two) before taking that step.

Post # 13
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We bought a house after we were engaged but it was a long engagement.

But you might want to wait until school is done.  Because we bought before we graduated college, we ended up having to move and have the home up for rent now.

Post # 14
6573 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

We bought a home and didn’t get engaged for another 5 years. We’d been together for about 6 or 7 years at that point. 

Only you are going to know if you want to take that step without being engaged/married. It worked for us, both our names are on the house so if (gosh forbid) we were to split up it’s not like either of us would have no claim to the home.

As for money, we got the first time home buyers long and only had to put 3% down. Yes, there are always going to be random things you’ll have to fix and pay for along the way. We bought a newer home, to hopefully minimize that. Of course, in the 5+ years we’ve owned our home we’ve had some repairs needed but (thankfully!) nothing major. 

Post # 15
1543 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I bought a home with my SO after a little over 3 years of dating. We got an apartment together at after 1 1/2 years and we originally planned on buying a house but we were new to the area so we did the whole apartment thing. Apartment life wasn’t for us. We love our new house and my dog is in seventh heaven with her big yard all to herself.

I was hesitant about buying a house without the ering but he said he’d only be buying a house with me if he was going to marry me. And I ended getting the ring on the day we closed. 🙂

I think the questions you really need to ask yourself is what is your 5-10 year plan. You really shouldn’t buy a house you don’t plan on staying in for a minimum of 5 years. Are you going to want to move after you graduate? You have to look at the monthly payments (including property tax and homeowners insurance) and make sure your boyfriend can afford to make the payments on his own even if you don’t have a job or are only bringing in very little. Remember to only buy a house you can very easily afford. Don’t risk foreclosure.

Our home only costs us 70 dollars more a month then our apartment and that includes insurance and tax. If one of us were to lose our job – it would be tough but we’d atleast be able to still pay the bills.

Also remember you have to keep enough in saving incase something breaks on the house and the cost to maintain it. A house is a lot more expensive then just the initial payment.

Post # 16
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I know it’s not very romantic but you can have an attorney draft a document stating what would happen to the property if you two were to break up. I would highly recommend speaking with an attorney, you may even be using one for your closing, that could create this type of legal document for you. This way it’s clear how to assets would be divided if you were to split before marriage.

I have seen it buying a house together before marriage work out great for some people and ruin couples that didn’t make it to the alter.

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