Post # 1
Hi bees! I need some advice from a third party and I would love to hear what you think:
My SO and I have been together for about two years now, we know that this is a for sure thing. We live in a college town and our apartment is not great. We recently had our car broken into, people puke on our doorstep, smoke right next to our bedroom window, etc. We recently decided we wanted to move into a bigger and less college-y place, but the houses out here expect a bunch of students to be living together and as a result charge way more for rent on a whole place.
SO has a lot in savings, and he works full time. I have a pretty decent amount put away myself, but I only work part time and go to school full time. Together we could afford to put down around 15% on a house that covers our needs and has a good monthly payment, and still have a safety net. Both of our credit scores are in good shape. His job is a solid one, and mine has a good chance of leading to a salaried position once I graduate.
It makes me a little nervous to buy a home without an engagement, but we talked about it and he pretty much laid out his basic plan to me. I’m not worried about that as much anymore, it just makes me nervous to put my name on a mortgage when I don’t work full time and haven’t graduated yet.
Have any bees gone this route? Were you glad you did?
Post # 3
We bought a house before becoming engaged. I always told myself I would not live with someone beore an engagement and I did anyway because we had discussed that it would happen. I became very paranoid that he wouldn’t propose (it took 10 months after moving in). That paranoia probably made me a tad bit crazy. You have to decide what’s right for you and what you can handle! It’s worked out fine for us but that 10 months was a bit annoying!
Post # 4
Are you planning on staying there after graduation? How many more years till you graduate?
How long has he held his full time job? (could affect loan approval)
Can you afford more than 15%? Most loan nowadays want 20% minimum unless you can qualify for other non conventional loans.
How’s the market in your area? Will that 15-20% get you a home that is “move in ready” and not need alot of updates? If not do you have the funds for updates or home maintenance issues that WILL come up?
I don’t know if utilities are included in your rent now. If not can you afford the extra utility bills? Not just electric, gas & cable. Water, sewer, school taxes, county taxes. Homeowner’s insurance, etc etc.
I don’t know you and your SO so if YOU feel it’s a sure thing not being engaged before buying a house would be the least of my worries. 😀
Post # 5
@MrsElopement: Haha, I know that he wants to buy the ring towards the end of the year so I actually feel way better about waiting now that I have more information! Even if we don’t end up with the house that clue has already made me way less “itchy”. 🙂
@regberadaisy: I graduate in about a year and a half. SO is slowly finishing up his own degree in order to stay at his job (which is also in his field), so we will be here at least 5 years. Probably a little more than that because we also plan on having our first kid at around that time and I don’t want to move with a newborn!
He has had his job for 3 years in September, so loan approval isn’t as much of an issue. Our area has a lot of incentives for first-time buyers, we know a couple who just bought a home with only 2% down (which would make me too nervous personally). We could really afford around 17%, but we cut out about 2% from our math to hold back for those inevitable emergencies that come up with homes.
All of those extra monthly expenses are part of what makes me nervous, it seem like you can never account for all of them! We know a lot of homeowners so we will be asking them to give us a ball park on what they pay a month beyond their mortgage before we really seriously consider anything.
Thank you guys for listening to me, I’m a total planner and I’m trying to give my SO a break! The thought of a buying a home is both exciting and terrifying!
Post # 6
Ask for the ultiliy bills for the last year on any property before you put in an offer (water, electric, gas, trash, etc).
The biggest trade off in my mind to buying is that you will lose the flexibility to move easily for a better job.
Post # 7
Personally, for me 2 years isn’t long enough to buy a home with someone. I couldn’t do it, I would either need to be together longer or need engagement/ marriage. BUT that’s me, if you think it’s the right thing for yourself personally/ financially and your relationship, go for it!
Post # 8
we bought our house before we got engaged.
i am still at uni and have a part time job, he works full time.
i knew i wanted to be with him for the rest of forever and so we started to save up to put a deposit down on a house after we were together for a year. we bought our house, knowing we could manage the payments while i was still working part time and at uni, as when i graduate and get a full time position we will have evenm more left over at the end of the month.
we got engaged the first christmas we were in our new home together.
i wouldnt have changed the decisions we made for the world.
things like this are hard to make decisions on as you can only truely speak for yourself and how you feel. i knew i wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, so i knew that i wouldnt regret buying a house with him as for me it was the right decision.
fingers crossed for what ever decision you make!
Post # 9
I’d be pretty hesitant to buy a house with someone I’d dated for two years without any sort of engagement or future commitment. It’s a fun idea to think about, but when it boils down to it, it’s a big gamble. Houses are expensive – not just the initial costs, but the utilities, upkeep, HOA fees (if applicable), renovations, decorations… If you don’t like the current situation in your apartment stemming from the students, maybe move to a new area that has fewer students.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t buy a house with someone without a comitment. It sounds like you may be engaged soon, but what if he has some problem or hang-up? While you may be spending a bit more money to rent for one more year, think of how expensive and complicated selling a house post break-up could be. I hope that doesn’t happen but it’s something you should think about.
Edit: Something else I just thought of – if he puts all his money towards the house, it will probably push back buying the ring for another year or so. This may cause a lot of friction in your relationship, I know it would mine!
Post # 11
We bought a house and got engaged 6 months later. It maybe even sped up the process!
Post # 12
@abbie017: “I’d be pretty hesitant to buy a house with someone I’d dated for two years without any sort of engagement or future commitment.”
I agree. I’d at least want one ring on my finger (if not two) before taking that step.
Post # 13
We bought a house after we were engaged but it was a long engagement.
But you might want to wait until school is done. Because we bought before we graduated college, we ended up having to move and have the home up for rent now.
Post # 14
We bought a home and didn’t get engaged for another 5 years. We’d been together for about 6 or 7 years at that point.
Only you are going to know if you want to take that step without being engaged/married. It worked for us, both our names are on the house so if (gosh forbid) we were to split up it’s not like either of us would have no claim to the home.
As for money, we got the first time home buyers long and only had to put 3% down. Yes, there are always going to be random things you’ll have to fix and pay for along the way. We bought a newer home, to hopefully minimize that. Of course, in the 5+ years we’ve owned our home we’ve had some repairs needed but (thankfully!) nothing major.
Post # 15
I bought a home with my SO after a little over 3 years of dating. We got an apartment together at after 1 1/2 years and we originally planned on buying a house but we were new to the area so we did the whole apartment thing. Apartment life wasn’t for us. We love our new house and my dog is in seventh heaven with her big yard all to herself.
I was hesitant about buying a house without the ering but he said he’d only be buying a house with me if he was going to marry me. And I ended getting the ring on the day we closed. 🙂
I think the questions you really need to ask yourself is what is your 5-10 year plan. You really shouldn’t buy a house you don’t plan on staying in for a minimum of 5 years. Are you going to want to move after you graduate? You have to look at the monthly payments (including property tax and homeowners insurance) and make sure your boyfriend can afford to make the payments on his own even if you don’t have a job or are only bringing in very little. Remember to only buy a house you can very easily afford. Don’t risk foreclosure.
Our home only costs us 70 dollars more a month then our apartment and that includes insurance and tax. If one of us were to lose our job – it would be tough but we’d atleast be able to still pay the bills.
Also remember you have to keep enough in saving incase something breaks on the house and the cost to maintain it. A house is a lot more expensive then just the initial payment.
Post # 16
I know it’s not very romantic but you can have an attorney draft a document stating what would happen to the property if you two were to break up. I would highly recommend speaking with an attorney, you may even be using one for your closing, that could create this type of legal document for you. This way it’s clear how to assets would be divided if you were to split before marriage.
I have seen it buying a house together before marriage work out great for some people and ruin couples that didn’t make it to the alter.