Post # 1
Hi Bees! Fiance and I have been on the fence about whether or not to have a flower girl and ring bearer in our wedding. One, we don’t have any close family members with children. Two, our wedding is pretty non-traditional anyway so it’s not uber important to either of us.
That said, some of our close friends have children who could potentially do the job, but we aren’t super close to the kids. I don’t want it to feel disingenuous or that they are used for props, either.
What are the pros and cons? Bees who did not have them…how did you decide? Did you regret it? Bees who did have them but didn’t want to or were on the fence…how did it go?
Thanks in advance! I appreciate any advice 🙂
Post # 3
@Skittles131: It wasn’t important to us. We only had a ring bearer, and honestly, I liked it that way. I really didn’t want to deal with kids in the wedding, but my godson is super important to me and I felt he was old enough to handle the task. Plus I bribed him with a toy, lol.
Flower girl–we had a few in mind, but after mulling it over, it really wasn’t an important role to us. We didn’t want petals all over that we’d have to pick up, and I figured one child to deal with up there was enough. Plus all the girls we considered were pretty young-under 3. Mother-In-Law tried to get us to ask her step sisters daughter, and we immediately shut her down. We didn’t want to ask just to have a Flower Girl. That isn’t what it meant to us.
Post # 4
I had a Ring Bearer & Flower Girl for my First Marriage (circa 1980)
The Ring Bearer was a little boy that I babysat regularly… the Flower Girl my Cousin’s child
The kids were cute as could be… and the photos AMAZING
BUT there was an added expense for sure:
1- We took care of the entire attire for the kids (not necessarily required) BUT it is the polite / considerate thing to do, as now you aren’t just inviting Adults… you are inviting “a Family”
2- We provided each Child with a Thank You Present (normally done)
3- We Invited each entire Family … including Sibs to the Rehearsal Dinner & the Wedding Reception
4- We followed “traditional” Etiquette and provided Hotel Accommodations (in our case just one family… as the other on lived in town) for the Entire Family for 2 Nights… Rehearsal & Wedding.
So as you can see TONS of PROS… CONS are strictly the fact that it is a “Luxury” and added expense.
Hope this helps,
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I just couldn’t be bothered.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
Based on your comments, I would skip it. If you’re not close to the kids, why should they be in your wedding party?
Post # 7
@Skittles131: I had two flower girls (my 4 year old sister and 4 year old neice) and my nephew who is 6 as the ring bearer. So, we were very close to them. I don’t regret it at all.
Coordinating the flower girls dresses with my SIL was a nightmare though…really.
If you aren’t close with anyone, I don’t see why you absolutely have to have them. If you want petals you could make a flower aisle runner (which kind of makes the flower girl null) and then completely forgo the ring bearer. Or if you have a dog/pet you could use them for the ring bearer! 🙂 It’s all up to you. No one is going to freak out if you don’t have them.
Post # 8
@Skittles131: In the UK the best man traditionally looks after the rings. I’d never seen a ring bearer before the bee so naturally I find them a bit superfluous. We had DH’s niece as a Flower Girl. She was 3 and DH’s mum made her dress so it didn’t cost us anything. She didn’t sprinkle petals but carried a mini bunch of flowers and then handed out (with SIL’s help) cones of petals for the guests to throw when we left the church. She was adorable and very well behaved.
Post # 9
There is no requirement even in a regular wedding to have a flower girl or ring bearer. Since we have a nice and nephew of the appropriate age, we will have one. If it wasn’t for the niece and nephew, even with all of my cousins having at least a dozen kids of the appropriate age, we wouldn’t have either.
Your wedding party should be who you are close to. If you have kids that you are close to, then invite them. If you don’t, don’t invite kids that are not well know to you to make up the gap.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2017 - Baton Rouge, LA
we’re asking my 2 grandmothers to be our flower girls & my nephew is my ring bearer. I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
We didn’t have a wedding party (although our siblings walked down the aisle), but we did have a ringbearer and two flower girls. They were adorable, easy, and everyone loved them. It also added some nice depth to the processional.
BUT, I probably wouldn’t have done it if we weren’t close with the kids. All three are kids of different good friends of ours, and we’re like unofficial uncle and aunty to them. I hear ya about feeling weird about using kids as props if you don’t really know them well. Also, the kids were actually nervous about it, but excited to be involved in their friends’ big day… if they didn’t know us, I feel like it would have been asking too much of them. So I’d probably skip it, in your shoes.
Post # 12
I am leaning towards not having either. I have a niece that is 3 1/2, and could be the flower girl, but I really don’t see the need to have flowers all over the floor considering we’re doing the ceremony and reception in the same ballroom.
Post # 13
@Skittles131: I’ve been to like 4 weddings this last months. Organized the ceremony for two of them. If I’ve learned something out of this is that I don’t want children at my ceremony! AT ALL.
They nag, cry, they do what they want when they want it. They can’t follow instructions properly most of the time (they are kids!).
My Flower Lady will be my 18 years old sister, and no ring kid.
Of course, children look super cute in photos. But that’s about it for the pro side.
Post # 14
@Skittles131: I loved our ring bearer and flower girl they were so cute! They were my nephew and my husband’s god daughter. That being said though, if we didn’t have any kids close to us we wouldn’t have had one. My husband has tons of little cousins who could have done the job, but we wouldn’t have randomly selected 2 of them.
Post # 15
Thanks everyone for your advice! The more I hear from you, the more I think we shouldn’t have any. Mostly because there isn’t a kid or two who I am thinking I want to have that role and if we aren’t thinking of anyone in particular, then why do it? Thanks again!
Post # 16
The kids in our wedding party were so cute! We had our 2 nieces & nephew. We just had them be Junior bridesmaids/groomsmen though because I didn’t want to choose one niece over the other for flower girl.