Post # 1
I was good friends / best friends with a girl from grade 8-age 25.5. She got engaged in August 2013. I was ecstatic for her and I was asked to be a bridesmaid. This friend was stressed about numerous things going on and I found she was starting to take a lot of stress out on me / always have issues with me. She was always very frank with me but we’d usually just duke it out and things would be okay. I met my now Fiance at the time she got engaged and was finally really happy with everything in life but I felt she was almost less happy for me.
Anyways! To make a long story short we went to a bridal show and I had been working a lot and watching my parents house and my grandma was admitted to hospital while my parents were away ( My grandma depends on my parents for everything) so at the bridal show I was so soooo stressed and I guess seemed distracted and I also mentioned a few times that I liked certain ideas for my own wedding (huge mistake). I feel awful about that now and she sat me down and had a long talk with me about it and I said sorry but felt I was walking on ice.
Anyways a few months later I went out with my other best friend (who I’ve known since I was 3) who’s also her bridesmaid and we didn’t invite her. I didn’t invite her because it was my coworkers going away at a bar that my other best friend lived right beside so I invited her last minute to come with. After the bride found out we went out without her she de friended me and de bridesmaided me. She invited me for coffee twice after this to talk which I agreed to but she cancelled last minute both times.
Her wedding is tomorrow which I’m not invited to, but I’m genuinely excited and happy for her. Do I say anything to her via facebook or text? I got engaged this past December and she sent me a nice Facebook message congratulating me. I don’t think I’d say anything tomorrow because I might upset her on her day but what about in a few days?
This topic was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by xyl123.
Post # 2
So much drama! In your shoes I would be more upset so take it with a grain of salt. Btw- who canceled coffee? I would wait until she came back from the honeymoon to approach mending the friendship. Although, for me, the friendship would be over
Post # 3
theatrejulia: she asked both times for coffee and cancelled both times. I don’t think she’s going on a honeymoon but maybe I should just leave it alone.
Post # 4
Good friends are hard to find and as your planning your wedding you will see how stressful it can be. Sometimes emotions get the best of us and we can’t see things clearly. Your decision can’t be reversed so if your ok with not at least wishing your childhood friend congrats you have to live with that. I would at least say I’m happy for you and wish her well even if you don’t repair the relationship she was your friend for most of your life.
Post # 5
Her behavior isn’t ok. But send her a text and a best wishes card.
Post # 6
What she did is not ok and I’m guessing she will regret being an immature child once the wedding stuff settles down. However, you need to assess what it is oyu actually want to get out of having a convo with her. If it was me, I would stick a card in the mail with a gift voucher or something and wish her a fantastic wedding and leave the door open for her to contact you if that is what you desire. PErsonally, I wouldn’t want a bar of someone so rude.
Post # 7
She sounds incredibly manipulative and self centred. That being said, there’s two sides to every story. Based on what you say though, nuts to her.
Post # 8
What a narcissistic weirdo. To hell with her.
Post # 9
wait she de-friended you, seriously? like, real life dump or just facebook de-friend? you know what– I would shoot her a text tonight saying “Am I really not invited to your wedding anymore? we’ve been friends since 8th grade 🙁 I love you and I’d still love to be there but I hope you have a beautiful wedding:-) I know you’ll look amazing!” and see if that changes anything, if not then forget she exists
Post # 10
I think it’s way too late for an invite this all happened quite some time ago. She actually said “I don’t want to be your friend anymore” and then hung up on the phone after finding out I hung out with our other best friend without inviting her. My other best friend didn’t get into any trouble and is still a bridesmaid but the bride always liked to seem to find issues with me / have a problem with me / pick on me so of course I got blamed. Anyways I got ostracized from our group of friends who are all her bridesmaids too after she defriended me so I don’t see any of the girls that I used to except for the other best friend I went out with that night who’s actually my MOH! But it’s sad I lost like a best friend and a whole group of girls.
Post # 11
I don’t understand why she expects to be in on every invite in your life? You were going out with co-workers and invited a long time friend to come along, it seems irrational that she would de-friend and de-bridesmaid you over this. Normally I’m a fan of having a chat with someone to clear the air, but her ‘chats’ seem like another opportunity to beret you from someone who always has an issue with someone about something. Consider the cancelled coffees a bullet you dodged. If you’re going to her wedding, just keep it simple and classy & write a nice congratulatory note in her card. Then, in your shoes, I would seriously distance myself from her afterward, she sounds more self absorbed drama queen than sincere friend.
Post # 12
NBee: Damn, apparently when I hang out with friends and don’t invite every single other friend in my life, I’ve been doing it wrong! Smh.
This girl sounds like a heinous bitch and having taken away my friends I doubt I’d want to have any correspondence with her at all, but this at the same time you want your behaviour to continue to be above reproach so that she cannot lay claim to any actual wrongdoing on your part. So send her a simple congratulations and best wishes, then be done with her forever.
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2017 - Walloon Lake Inn
It sounds like she just used the fact you didn’t invite her out that night as a “reason” to de-friend you. Going by what all you said before that, she was just waiting for a reason to dump you. That way it would “seem” like it’s all your fault and not hers. I can imagine how hard losing a lifetime friend must be. But honestly, I think you’re better off not having all that negativity and always worring about whether she’s going to be upset about something or other. As far as the other girls, they’re probably just trying to not get de-friened as well and make it through the wedding. Give them time. They should come around once this wedding isn’t hanging over their heads anymore. Send a card if you want. But I’d leave it alone & try to move on.
Post # 14
Sounds like a silly little girl who still wants to feel like ‘queen bee’ the other side of high school. And if other adult women seriously push you out because they’ve taken sides, then it really sucks for you but they are sheep.
Personally, i don’t think that could be repaired other than being able to go out as a group and be civil. Send a card to be the better person (& because if you don’t no doubt she’ll have a melt down and bitch about you to mutual friends).
Post # 15
Her behavior seems to indicated that she no longer wants to be your friend. I wouldn’t make any attempts to reconcile. Just move on with your life and let her reach out to you if she changes her mind. I’m sorry that the split with her is affecting your friend group. I don’t see any reason you can’t continue to hang out with the other girls. If they are truly your friends then your relationships with them should continue. If they are ostracized you as a group without cause then I would move on from the whole group, enjoy being engaged and find some new, nicer friends