(Closed) Debt on top of debt on top of debt

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 32
Member
9184 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@MrsBeck:  I honestly believe that people have lost what it means to be happy. We are too consumed by what others think and how society percieves we should be. You can clearly see it here in the hive. Where a dress becomes more important than the person wearing it etc.

I think it is a sad world to live in and is one of the reasons why we are CBC. When I was a kid we played outside with a ball or nothing at all and made up games with other children, now a child feels abused or mistreated when their parents wont buy them the latest toy/gaming system that they sit inside and play with on their own because they don’t want to share (using generalisations here of course).

People look down on other brides for buying a chinese replica instead of paying out thousands of dollars for a dress that will be worn on one day for 6-8 hours. We pay photographers thousands of dollars to try and capture emotions and even go as far as trying to recreate those moments sometimes to have visual evidence. Why can we not just be satisfied with the knowledge that the emotion was there?

Why is it that we have to buy a $300 pair of shoes for one day? When a $25 pair of shoes will carry out the same function and often look just as good?

Consumerism is out fo control for sure but i think we are too far gone as a society to wind it back. It doesn’t matter that in the very near future we will not have the amazon forest anymore, that so many animals will no longer exist outside of zoos, that so many other natural wonders will be lost, just as long as we have the latest iphone or biggest TV.

 

Post # 34
Member
5398 posts
Bee Keeper

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@dannielle89:  I think she was just trying to set the stage for a discussion 😉

 

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@j_jaye:  I SO agree with you! Too many people think stuff=happiness and success. Although, I can’t say I would be mad if all the anacondas in the world became extinct lol!

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@MrsBeck:  re: has it always been like this? I think it’s a very American mindset of buying stuff=success that has been around for a long time. If you watch old shows, (I Love Lucy for example), you will see that people have always viewed their success in relationship to their purchasing power, with luxury purchases being dream goals {this is more of a human instinct though, to be the biggest provider of the tribe, the “alpha.”}

But I think the big difference is that before the extreme media influence and mass production of goods took off, people didn’t equate their happiness with stuff. 

Post # 35
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MrsBeck:  I think people try to keep up with the Jones’. If they can’t afford it, they go into debt to get it. That’s how important materialism is (apparently). I don’t believe in living outside my means or having champagne taste on a beer budget (okay, fine, I do have expensive taste but that doesn’t mean I indulge in it all).

Post # 36
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Most people are way worse off than they look. I.e. in debt bc of a home(I think this is the most acceptable debt bc it’s your home), have new cars with huge car notes and insurance bc they need to be fully insured. I can get your frustration it seems you are irritated. We work hard and both have cars that are 12 yrs old, rent from a family member who is cutting us a good deal, live below our means by not going out to eat or pretty much at all. It’s lame but its what we need to do in order to save for our wedding.

I have no idea how one of my co-workers and her bf afford any of their expenses but really to me if people like to throw their money away good for them. I do judge them privately bc I think it’s dumb of them to blow money away. BUT who is really the smart on when all my credit cards are paid off, my wedding is saved for and eventually my mortgage will be less than people I know pay for rent…. me. I learned a long time ago to not have pride when it comes to money or lack thereof. It’s all about priorities to me.

For me its more about not trying to keep up with the Jones’s. I tell people flat out in sorry we don’t have money for that and I don’t feel bad about it. My priorities are save for wedding then save for house. I have lots of loans for college and there’s no friggin way I’d be buying a new car right now or probably ever til we have kids or maybe later than that.

Now this may sound kind of all over the place, but the other night I literally started to cry from looking at family pics of my mom’s family. I was crying bc my uncle was  only 4 when my grandpa died and my mom was only 11. My gpa died at 45 from cancer and it was 3 months from diagnosis to his death. But looking at the pics made me think this is what life is about and even tho my poor grandmother had to feed 7 kids and after being an upper middle class housewife, she had to go on food stamps. My mom had social workers come to their house but still…they had those pics of the last Christmas that my grandfather was alive and the picture captured that memory forever.

I was also feeling bad bc I realized that the major differences between my family and some of my FI’s is that this type of happiness isn’t important to them. It’s like there no substance to some people. I am NOT SAYING EVERYONE who has newer cars or spends all their money are devoid of substance. It just seems to me too many people are caught up in their things.

Do I like designer clothes and purses? Of course. But I realize there are more important things in life. And a lot of those people are trying to fill voids of unhappiness in their lives with things when things cannot give you a hug when you are crying. And a lot of the people’s cars will be impounded and houses foreclosed bc that’s what happens when you live totally above your means.

Post # 37
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsBeck:  a friend of ours owes us $600 that he “can’t afford to pay” I suggested he make up $50 a month payments till its paid off but “things are just really tight right now” I heard him bragging recently that he’s about to buy a BMW from his friend.

 

i don’t understand people

Post # 38
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

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@renwoman:  +1

Post # 39
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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@Ninteenthchance:  Ugh seriously screw him. That would make me so mad that I would cut ties with him. I never loan anything to people after not getting clothes and money back from friends I let borrow from me in high school and college.

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@MrsPanda99:  You hit the nail on the head.

Post # 40
Hostess
7547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I agree with your Fiance, it’s the American condition. We are trained to spend money don’t have. I have friends like this also. It never really bothered me that they spent money UNTIL they started making fun of me and DH for saving. As in this conversation started happening over and over:

 

Friend: Do you want to go to the concert?

Me: How much is it?

Friend: Only $50

Me: Oh I don’t think I can, the budget’s a little tight this month because we’re saving up for a new car.

Friend: It’ll be fine.

Me: Sorry, I don’t think I can go. Thanks for the invite.

Friend: Come on, you make me so depessed with all this budget talk.

 

Did I mention this person is over 100k in debt? I love my friend but it’s hard to keep quiet when she alternates between crying to me about debt and making fun of me for saving.

 

Post # 41
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m not sure it’s uniquely American or even that widespread.  It’s so easy to get over your head, though. 

However, it’s also easy to plan ahead.  We live in a condo in a nice neighborhood but I drive a 10-year beater and DH’s care is only 6 years old but paid off.  Our only debt is student loans.  We put a high priority on saving because we both know from experience that things can go bad very fast (he spent a year unemployed right after landing a super-sweet job right out of college and before we met, and I had a lifetime of “lean” years).  Sure enough, we started our marriage with empty bank accounts, saved like mad, and 7 months later I was unemployed.  But because we had created a marriage budget (we didn’t live together until we got married) that included significant savings, we super-tightened our belts and weathered my five months of unemployment without a hitch.

I don’t know if doing reckless spending/debt is “shallow,” but it’s definitely unwise and I think demonstrates a kind of immaturity.  Perhaps so many people on this board are seeing it because most are of a 20-something demographic?  (Not calling 20-somethings immature, just noting that there will be a higher PERCENTAGE of immature people at younger demographics).

Post # 43
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@AlwaysSunny:  This happens to me all the time! I feel like it’s a faux pas to talk about money and budgeting in this country. It’s so ridiculous. DH and I make plenty of money, but we would rather be smart with our money and save up to buy a big house, or to just have savings in general, than spend it on frivolous things. Some of our friends really like to eat at nice restaurants. While we can definitely afford it, we don’t like it. It’s so annoying that we have to spend $100-$150 every time we want to hang out with these people, but I feel like talking about wanting to go to a cheaper place is not socially acceptable.

 

Post # 45
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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@MrsBeck:  OMG don’t know how I missed the post talking about how much they make. That’s annoying. Can you tell them it makes you uncomfortable? It sounds like me they are trying to be the Jones’s!!! 

I hate this behavior and when FI’ s friend was bragging about buying something that was $800 while he was ripping off the gov’t and selling oxy, while his fiance was partly reason why we were struggling so much at the time. I told my Fiance that I don’t want him hanging out w/ him at that point bc we have too much to lose. I also don’t think it’s acceptable to be selling drugs like wtf! We def are not drug dealers haha.  I do not need to be around that and they could have lost their home and child if caught.

They are the same people who criticized a black and white(she likes black guys was the exact wording) interracial relationship in front of us and we are white(me) and Fi is Puerto Rican. I wanted to lose it. Fi said well what about us!!? These people totally sound like your asshole “friends” like that couple is for us…. even tho I’m not friends w/ the girl but I “play nice” bc I love my fiance. It is so hard bc I usually cut people who treat me the way this girl did out of my life, act like they don’t exist, and I have to see her from time to time. 

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