(Closed) Debt on top of debt on top of debt

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 62
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsBeck:  My Brother-In-Law is like this.  I just limit my contact with him as much as possible.  People like this are infuriating if you are a practical person.  I say just change topics then around them or cut them out of your life.  People like this are toxic and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad that you have different values.  And they always shoot themselves in the foot.  Most of BIL’s friends are now divorced, unemployed and broke etc etc.  Not that you’d wish something bad on someone but when they spend and have no regard for savings, or they value the almighty dollar over their families that is what happens.

In my own personal life I’ve seen that the people with the newest gadgets, biggest houses, cars etc.  usually don’t have very much to show for it.  Like you say about your friends and their big houses my husband and I are in a studio apartment while his brother and friends own houses.  Sometimes he gets mad and desperately tries to move us out.  One time he went crazy and went house shopping in the ghetto.  I tell him to just be patient.  We don’t need more space and there’s no sense in paying and extra 400 a month for another apartment with an extra wall.  I just don’t see the sense and I refuse to finance that right now especially when I don’t have a job I’d be pissed off to be out extra money for an extra wall.  We don’t spend much time in here anyway and all the money we save in rent has allowed us to pay off our credit card debt, build savings, travel, he was able to get a new car after his broke down etc etc.  

I think he’s really affected by seeing everyone else with “things” and wants them too and doesn’t realize that keeping our rent low in a decent neighborhood is a blessing.  I feel bad that due to my temp job situation we can’t really afford a house right now.  He talks about just upgrading to a bigger apartment and it makes me mad.  If I’m paying more to have a roof over my head then I want to at least own that roof.  It’s a stalemate discussion at the moment but I don’t see myself in an apartment forever which is why I think we should stay here and build up money to get a house instead of crapping it out in rent and seeing nothing for it.  Only time will tell though.

Post # 63
Member
8440 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I just chalk it up to some people being savers and some being spenders.  The only spending I care about is my household, as long as I’m not paying I don’t care.

Post # 65
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I have to admit buying myself something does make me happy (c’mon cooler weather I want to wear my new wool socks), but that’s because for the last 5 years of so I’ve bought myself stuff only when I really need it. At this point my wardrobe is getting pretty ragged so buying new underwear or t-shirts is a big treat for me. Overall though I am a major money hoarder. I make myself savings goals and then feel proud of myself for surpassing them (what can I say I was raised by accountants). Fiance and I are currently supporting ourselves in what we consider a very comfortable lifestyle that honestly only differs slightly from the way we were living in college in that we buy a bit better food at the grocery store, go out to eat slightly more often, and don’t feel bad for going to the movies on a whim. Fiance has modest student loans from his family that we’re working on and a car loan because we could not wait any longer to replace his 22 year old car. It completely broke down 2 months after we got his new car. I think we are doing very well for a pair of 23 year olds. I’m a year out of college and Fiance is taking his final course this semester. We are completely self suffcient and should be able to pay for our wedding by ourselves.

Post # 66
Member
7780 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

As a PP mentioned- if you have great credit you can get a car loan for 0% APR.  Why NOT do that instead of handing over $50K for a car in one sitting?

Post # 67
Member
10651 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

@eeniebeans:  I read a good article about that.  Usually, the interest is already factored into that price.  If you pay cash chances are the car will have a lower price.

I don’t think that’s even what the OP was talking about though.  Being able to afford something up front but choosing to use credit is one thing, not being able to purchase it without the credit and going ahead is something else, especially when on already has debt.

Post # 68
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think people right out of college with good jobs are just excited to have some real money for the first time in their lives.  

It’s great that you and your husband are able to save, but I think that settling down at a young age makes your priorities different than if you were single.

I have never, NEVER been able to save because I have always worked jobs (not-for-profit) where I could barely make ends meet.  Only since I married H do I have any money at all put away – together we have some savings, but our first priority is paying off debt.

 

Post # 69
Member
7780 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

eeniebeans Yes- I do think you are right about what the OP meant.  I just think it is dangerous to assume you know someone’s circumstances.  Although it seems like the OP’s friends share their own too readily.

 

Post # 70
Member
2705 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsBeck:  I think the reason people push you to buy stuff because it will make them feel better if they aren’t the only ones with debt and/or limited savings.  At least, that’s usually the impression I get.

Post # 71
Member
794 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest

There is a difference between living responsibly with debt, and just spending like crazy.

We all have different values, for some it is having a huge nest egg to hatch when you …retire and that means living on a super tight budget, having money for rainy days and emergencies. 

Some people like to live in the now, enjoy their lives and are comfortable taking on debt to do so. 

As a Canadian, I’d say this is generally a similar attitude as well. When I was ‘fresh’ out of school I did spend my money a lot, I wracked up some credit card debt and also bought a car through financing. 

I learned my lesson on the credit cards pretty quickly and have  been working hard to pay that off, which has been a lesson in itself. I still enjoy my life at the same time. I manage my debt very well. I have never made a late payment and have excellent credit. 

I think it’s all about balance… and what works for YOU. 

I really think you are being a bit harsh and judgmental towards your friends. They are just living and enjoying their lives. They value having a nice car, and willing to pay a little more in the long run to have it. I don’t see anything wrong with it if you have a stable job and are responsible with your payments. 

It would be much different if they were paying credit cards with credit cards and getting into crazy debt that they’ll never get out of. 

ETA: @LadyBear:  I agree – that if your friends are complaining to you about their debt and are extremely stressed about it, it’s a different story there too. 

Post # 72
Member
2776 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsBeck:  That’s a nice picture.  I think I’m going to tell Darling Husband to envision that anytime he brings up paying an extra 400 a month for a one bedroom.  We have two dogs and he didn’t train his very well to be on leash so its a pain to get the dog to poop while on a leash.  Letting him out into a back yard would be much easier.  We could just take that 400 each month and at the end of the year we’d have 4800 enough to fill a house will some nice appliances.  We don’t need a downpayment because he can get a VA loan and he has a part time job at Home Depot so we’d get discounts on everything.

Yea don’t let it get you down, I just try to remind my husband of how miserable those people are everything he complains.  It seems to help.  He doesn’t like talking about money all day either. 

 

Post # 73
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee

@mypinkshoes:  the only money i worry about is my own.  i have no idea, nor do i care what other people do with it.  everyone has their own priorities i guess.

+1,000,000 on this.
 
So you’re curious why people spend their money and use their credit the way they want to….
 
*blank stare*
 
 
 
 

Post # 75
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsBeck:  I was going to ask you how you know their financial dealings but since they divulged, I think you’re not in the wrong to be a little judgy.  In your case, it’s really hard not to! 

I have friends and friends who do this as well.  What I learned is to try to zone them out or to tell them, “I’m so happy that you’re doing x, y and z but I’m not comfortable knowing how much $ or knowing the finances.”

ETA:  I have little pangs of jealousy of these people and their spending habits.  I can’t do it knowing how much debt I’ll accrue when it is all over but to each their own, right? 

Post # 76
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

And this is why you keep your finanical business to yourself as much as possible. Even with friends. Once you share, people don’t forget. I’ve certainly done it. 

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