- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
We used a similar wording to the one in your initial post. It says you and your families are hosting, but doesn’t make it sound like the late parent is hosting–just clarifying who is who. I really liked honoring my dad by including his name in the invitation in more of an “I’m his daughter” way than in a “my deceased dad is paying for the wedding” kind of way. We put mothers’ names first so that “late” was in front of my dad’s name only.
The other way I incorporated my dad was having his wedding ring pinned inside of my dress as a something borrowed. It was a way to privately acknowledge him without any public display (which would have made me uncomfortable, but it comes down to what’s right to you). One of my favorite pre-wedding photos is my mom’s hands (wearing her wedding ring) clutching mine (holding my father’s ring and the rings for my husband and me).
I do agree with PPs about rewording so it’s more clear that his mom is still alive. Maybe “Son of Molly and the late Arthur Weasley”. Also, if your wedding is truly in May 2018, I recommend not rushing a decision on wording or any displays in his memory. See how your fiance and his family feel in a year. Of course he’ll still be hurting, but he will likely be in a different place in the grieving process and have a different perspective than he does now when it’s so fresh. There’s no benefit to settling on something now and it might seem to some people that you’re seeing the death only in context of how it affects your wedding. I’d let people focus on their loss and only start factoring in the wedding when that time comes closer.
Just wanted to add that to “tweak” the wording so that it doesn’t seem as if both in-laws are deceased, you could simply say:
son of Molly Weasley and the late Arthur Weasley
Along with their Families
We are lighting a candle at the ceremony and having a photo of our deceased family who could not be with us (My Mom, Grandparents, FI’s Grandpa) at the reception.
The way you have it worded sounds like both FH parents are deceased. If you do go with this wording I would put the mother’s name first then the deceased father.
I appreciate all of the input bees. Thank you!
I echo all the other bees about the placing of the word ‘late’ ,and of course the manner of memorialising your late ffil with your fmil wishes in mind.
I just wanted to add, that in your suggested invitation you call your parents by the very formal and patriarchal mode of ( I hate it for feminist reasons personally ) Mr and Mrs John Lastname, but his parents by the Femalefirstname Lastname and Malefirstname Lastname mode. I think it needs to be the same for both , regardless of the ‘late’ issue.
For the invite, I’d just say ‘together with their families’. It would have been heartbreaking to be reminded of his passing everytime I looked at the invite on the fridge…
For my wedding, I am having a seating plan with old photos, and I’ve asked mum if I can put a pic of her and dad on their wedding day. Nothing annoys mum than people assuming she’s divorced, and I sort of feel the same… I don’t want to leave him out, but I don’t want to specifically mention that he’s not there… cause we all know that. And if people don’t, I don’t want sympathy on my wedding day. Maybe check with all immediate family to see what they think?
Sorry- I know the idea is so, so lovely… but yeah. Some of us love it, and some don’t.
I think the way you have worded it is fine, but I would list FH’s mother first to avoid confusion. You don’t want it to seem like “late” applies to both of them.
I’m sorry for your and your FH’s loss.
Together with their families,
daughter of Molly Weasley and Arthur Weasley
son of Lilly Potter and the late James Potter,
request the pleasure of your company at their celebration of marriage,
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