(Closed) Deceased Parent Invitation Wording

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

 

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nickkifu84 :  My biggest piece of advice is to please discuss all “memorial” ideas with those who would be the most emotionally affected, ie your husband and his mom. While its great to remember those who cant be there, seeing an empty chair, etc. could be too much on an already emotional day. While you may think it would be a nice way to remember his dad, his mom may not be able to handle something and lose it. 

Post # 18
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

We used a similar wording to the one in your initial post. It says you and your families are hosting, but doesn’t make it sound like the late parent is hosting–just clarifying who is who. I really liked honoring my dad by including his name in the invitation in more of an “I’m his daughter” way than in a “my deceased dad is paying for the wedding” kind of way. We put mothers’ names first so that “late” was in front of my dad’s name only.

The other way I incorporated my dad was having his wedding ring pinned inside of my dress as a something borrowed. It was a way to privately acknowledge him without any public display (which would have made me uncomfortable, but it comes down to what’s right to you). One of my favorite pre-wedding photos is my mom’s hands (wearing her wedding ring) clutching mine (holding my father’s ring and the rings for my husband and me).

Post # 19
Member
6185 posts
Bee Keeper

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nickkifu84 :  My dad passed away before our wedding and with my mom’s blessing we included his name with no “late” attached to it. Everyone knew he had passed away so no one was confused. It worked for us. It’s best to ask the surviving spouse what they want as well. I’m sorry for your loss. Hope this helps! XO

Post # 21
Member
9263 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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nickkifu84 :  Your wording is perfectly fine. It tells guests that you and your fiance are inviting them to a wedding and in case anyone isn’t quite sure who either of you are, here are your parents’ names to spur their memory. It does not suggest that a deceased person is hosting.

I do agree with PPs about rewording so it’s more clear that his mom is still alive. Maybe “Son of Molly and the late Arthur Weasley”. Also, if your wedding is truly in May 2018, I recommend not rushing a decision on wording or any displays in his memory. See how your fiance and his family feel in a year. Of course he’ll still be hurting, but he will likely be in a different place in the grieving process and have a different perspective than he does now when it’s so fresh. There’s no benefit to settling on something now and it might seem to some people that you’re seeing the death only in context of how it affects your wedding. I’d let people focus on their loss and only start factoring in the wedding when that time comes closer.

Post # 22
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Just wanted to add that to “tweak” the wording so that it doesn’t seem as if both in-laws are deceased, you could simply say: 

son of Molly Weasley and the late Arthur Weasley

Post # 23
Member
1894 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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nickkifu84 :  My mother is deceased and I dont speak to my Father. Rather than leave it off, I am saying

Ginny Weasley

&

Harry Potter

Along with their Families

We are lighting a candle at the ceremony and having a photo of our deceased family who could not be with us (My Mom, Grandparents, FI’s Grandpa) at the reception.  

Post # 24
Member
2314 posts
Buzzing bee

The way you have it worded sounds like both FH parents are deceased.  If you do go with this wording I would put the mother’s name first then the deceased father.  

Post # 25
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Holly Hedge Estate

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nickkifu84 :  I think 
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chigirl217bride :  had some very good wording to offer you. I second her suggestion if you are 100% certain you want to include him on the invitation.

Post # 27
Member
10690 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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nickkifu84 :  

  I echo all the other bees  about the placing of the word ‘late’ ,and of course the manner of memorialising   your late ffil  with your fmil wishes in mind.

I just wanted to add, that in your suggested invitation  you call your parents by the very formal and patriarchal mode of ( I hate it for feminist reasons personally ) Mr and Mrs John Lastname, but his parents by the Femalefirstname  Lastname and  Malefirstname Lastname mode. I think it needs to be  the same for both , regardless of the ‘late’ issue.

Post # 28
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

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weatherbug :  I was going to say the same thing… my dad passed away 6 years ago, and although we talk about him a lot in our everyday lives (‘dad would have loved that!’ sort of stuff…), it’s still heartbreaking to be reminded.

For the invite, I’d just say ‘together with their families’. It would have been heartbreaking to be reminded of his passing everytime I looked at the invite on the fridge…

For my wedding, I am having a seating plan with old photos, and I’ve asked mum if I can put a pic of her and dad on their wedding day. Nothing annoys mum than people assuming she’s divorced, and I sort of feel the same… I don’t want to leave him out, but I don’t want to specifically mention that he’s not there… cause we all know that. And if people don’t, I don’t want sympathy on my wedding day. Maybe check with all immediate family to see what they think?

Sorry- I know the idea is so, so lovely… but yeah. Some of us love it, and some don’t.

Post # 29
Member
625 posts
Busy bee

I think the way you have worded it is fine, but I would list FH’s mother first to avoid confusion. You don’t want it to seem like “late” applies to both of them.

I’m sorry for your and your FH’s loss.

Together with their families,

Ginny Weasley,

daughter of Molly Weasley and Arthur Weasley

and

Harry Potter,

son of Lilly Potter and the late James Potter,

request the pleasure of your company at their celebration of marriage,

etc.

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