(Closed) Deceitful In-laws

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

oooo. dealing with this is your fiance’s job. you need to tell him what your concerns are and he needs to have this conversation with them. as long as he is on your side, everything will be ok–they can hold a venue for a thousand people, you two still have the last word.

Post # 4
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

stand your ground. call your venue and tell them exactly what you and your Fiance want. tell them that your in-laws are wrong and that you and your Fiance are the ones they should listen too. dont let them conrol your life. it will only make things harder. i know you dont want a bunch of conflict but they have to learn sooner or later that you and your Fiance have your own lives to live. they cant live it for you. stand your ground when they try to get their way. its not about them. its about you. sorry if i sound harsh. i’ve dealt with similar situations but with my family. not my FI’s.

Post # 6
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

Regardless of who is paying, WHOSE NAME IS ON THE VENUE CONTRACT?  Basically, if your venue signed a contract with YOU and your FH, then they cannot listen to your inlaws, since they would be breaching the contract.  Remind them of that!  Tell them you are having issues with your inlaws, but at the end of the day the contract is with you, so they need to ignore communication with the inlaws or risk breaching the contract.  Finalize the 2/3 venue that you planned with the venue.  Put it in writing, solidify it, ensure that it can only be changed if YOU or your FH sign something to that effect.

After you have dealt with the venue, THEN sit down with Fiance and his inlaws and explain to them that while you appreciate their financial assistance, they need to respect your decisions in order for you to stay within budget.  Let them know what you have decided with the venue, and that you will not be changing that.  It may cause some friction in the moment, but better that they back off now!

(If on the other hand they signed the contract, then unfortunately the only thing you can do is plead with them to respect your wishes and as a last resort, cry.  Seriously tears work wonders.)

Post # 8
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would definitely get the contract and all agreements in your name with the stipulation that you are the only ones allowed to change that contract.  Are you able to afford the smaller venue and wedding expenses with financial contributions for your parents and yourselves?  This would allow you to have much more control over the decision making without having to bend to your FI’s parents due to money contributions. 

You really need to get your Fiance to stick up for your (plural) decisions with his parents.  This really will set the tone for how involved in your life decisions they are. 

Post # 9
Member
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Talk to your Fiance and tell him that you feel his parents are manipulating you, your wedding, and being disrespectful to your parents (who are paying half and presumably on your side).  

Tell them if they won’t play nice, then you’ll just elope.  

Post # 11
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

First:  Take a deep breath!  🙂 

Second: A heart to heart conversation with your Fiance is probably the best place to start.  You both really need to be on the same page when approaching this problem. 

 

Post # 13
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Wow.. they suck. If I were you, I would cancel the wedding and elope 🙂 Take that overbearing, controling in-laws.

 

  My in-laws do similar things.. I’ve learned instead of letting it make me mad- to retaliate. My in-laws and I are traveling to see my husband (he’s in the military) located in Newport at the moment. We purposely booked a different hotel, my Mother-In-Law found out about this and her game started.. when she found out our hotel she booked a room right next to ours. I know my mother in law, and i know she’s going to say something like: “We have a room right next to yours!!” and I’m going to say: “That’s awesome!! You can listen to us have sex!”

  It’s sad I have this planned, but it keeps me sane.

Post # 14
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

It’s not right for them to make a financial decision which will also affect your parents.

Call all your vendors- not just the venue because if they do this once they’re likely to try it again- and put a “password” on your plans.  Tell them that no matter what if someone calls and doesn’t know the password, they are not allowed to make changes.  This will prevent them from calling and pretending to be you and changing things around…

Post # 16
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

this is definitely something you need to talk to you FIANCE about. it’s his parents and if you’ve already tried to talk to them, he needs take decisive action!

im so sorry that you have to deal with this kind of behavior… it boggles my mind the things that parents/in-laws do sometimes.

The topic ‘Deceitful In-laws’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors