December 2017 Babiesposted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
- 2 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
ClaudiaKishi : Hey, you! How are you doing these days?
I think baby stores, especially the big box stores just really go against my whole baby-having mentality/hopes. First, you have all of the stuff that is either really frilly or a lot of cheap commerical stuff with TV characters and superheroes, and then there is just the shear amount of random odds and ends that you get distracted by when you’re looking at something basic… Do I need this? Is it worth the money? What is that and why don’t I know about it? Why don’t I like any of these x, y, z?
For all of these problems, I find going to small, quiet boutique stores and just shopping online with reviews helps me keep focused on my more minimalist, edgey agenda.
Mainly though, I get stressed watching other people shop around me. I mean, of course you have the screaming babies and kids running the aisles, but the parents just look so angry, zombie-numb, or just frantic and exhausted… So, I am thinking, “is that going to be my life from now on?” My husband and I tend to lead a fairly easy-going, loosely structured lifestyle where we adapt happily when needs be, and I hope we similarly adapt to baby’s needs without forfeiting our nature for x amount of time, but you just never know.
Then there are the Type-A shoppers who are there with lists in-hand, confident and focused on what they’re there for, diligently testing out products that they want to assure are precisely as perfect as they could hope for. These parents (or soon-to-be parents) make me think I need to go my full Type-A self and try to be perfect too–a habit my husband has been gently helping me to break for sometime now.
Youcan’t be a perfect parent, and it is going to be tougher sometimes than we know, but my goal is to just go-with-the-flow and keep relaxed rather than go in with all of the pressure and expectations… And honestly, I just don’t want to put so much stake on making sure I have precisely what I need. I research things that are expensive or important to me, but not every little thing like some do. We’ll do our best to be prepared with the basics and get whatever else as we go; but in saying this, seeing highly prepared parents in stores makes me second-guess my approach and wonder if I’m doing my kid a disservice.
I dunno, I guess I just get really sucked into looking at how everyone else is doing at different stages of parenting and trying to guage where we are in that mess somehow, but I think it is the blatant lack of blase shopping in the big stores that makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong and also makes me think about how life might be changed for the worse irrevocably. I figure I am no different to the average parent-to-be, so looking at my peers living life differently by choice or by the natural way of life with kids makes me get anxious about how unprepared/unrealistic our mentality with this just might be.
Eh, I guess for whatever reason, being around people in a similar life-changing boat makes me think of all the new parent insecurities at once. I have literally had to leave a number of stores to get sick from the nerves, but do just fine otherwise. Sorry about my huge reply, but it’s something I have been trying to figure out for awhile myself, haha.
- 2 years ago
LIKE-A-BOSS : I think I’m at the “I ate too many cheeseburgers stage'” but I’m really hoping not to gain lots of weight overall. I was overweight going into pregnancy (I gained most of the weight in the past year and was hoping to loose it before TTC but then we had a careless night happened and here I am). I finally gave in the other day and went and bought a pair of maternity shorts – I’m feeling the same thing as you with the no bands or tightness around the belly. Most of my jeans are stretchy and sized two sizes to big and my shirts are fairly baggy (My work is casual dress). We’re in the midst of a mini-heat wave here and I just can’t seem to cool down – cold showers and ac barely work in the afternoon – it’s like insta sunstroke.
I haven’t been to any baby stores yet just a few used clothing stores with my mom. We find out the gender in two weeks and just bought a house that’s under renovations so I think when that’s said and done I’ll be more inclined to check it out. I do feel like I’m going to get the same anxiety as you. Our new neighbour has a newborn and it cries ALL the time. It started out making me wonder if our child is going to be like that and now it’s making me worried about how I’ll feel if our child is like that because right now I literally want to storm into their house and slam the nursery window shut and just walk out. It also seems like the baby never leaves the house – is that really what my life is going to be like? UGH.
- 2 years ago
Also, this past week was pretty rough. I had my first work project re-assigned to prepare for my mat leave. It’s a large project that I executed amazingly last year so I know it’s not performance just the situation. I knew the time would eventually come but I found out about it in such a shitty way without notice and I literally cried in my car for 30 minutes after work. I’m having a difficult time coping with preparing to leave – I almost feel as if I don’t want to take any time off at all. I’ve worked so hard to get given the opportunities and projects and earn rapport with my boss – I’m concerned this is going to go away when I get back. All my hard work and overtime in the last year to do this and it could all be gone.
- 2 years ago
- Wedding: July 2015
clovesa2015 : You have sooo much going on in your world right now… New house and renovations? Baby? A scary break in the job that you obviously excel at? Plus, it’s extra hot! Yeesh. No wonder you had a little breakdown (as we prego people tend to do). I feel for you, but it will all come together in the end 🙂 Pretty soon you will be all settled into your comfy new home with new baby, and then you might just have a harder time leaving him/her to go back to work.
I promise, though, everything with your job–if the worst case scenario comes to fruition–can all be rebuilt. When I was working in an engineering office during school, there were two women there that waited as long as they could to have kids and still had a very, VERY hard time leaving because of the same fears you have (and in a male dominated field/office). Today, though, those women each have two kids and are owners of the same company, one of which I am sure will eventually be the first female company president. If you are good at what you do (which it sounds like you are!), they’ll remember your value and be ready to have you once life is settled again for your new family.
There is still a lot of work to do with getting men (and many women, too) in the workplace to understand that if they want women to have families with them and be happy/as productive as possible, then they need an atmosphere that promotes proper work-life balance–which means that they need to make special considerations for the job security of women in their maternal years. However, the good news is, many men and women that are of the experience of a superior, are not too far from having been in our position now with nervous wives and the inconveniences of sick kids that need picked up last second, etc. And don’t forget, the laws are on your side in most western countries, and your colleagues know it!
So, keep your chin up about work. Know your value in the workplace, and keep a healthy self-confidence while you’re away. No matter what, if you rock, then you will easily get back to where you are and surpass it once you’ve come back chomping at the bit to be out and independent of baby for a while. Plus, you can always keep checking-in with email when you have time, and I am sure you will have little threads of your work that seap into the workplace during maternity leave that remind everyone there of how awesome you are.
Oh, and as for the crying newborn next door–I am seriously going to get a pair of noise-cancelling headphones that I just keep around my neck to put on once baby starts crying (and off once she stops). I don’t like loud noises, so I have had this plan for a while, ha. We’ll see how it goes.
Are you hoping boy or girl, p.s.?