(Closed) Decided I'm done if he won't talk about the future by Christmas….

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 32
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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gagal2016:  yeah that makes sense:-) I understand what you’re saying about the questions.

 my thinking was it might help him if you guys talked about this specifically with solutions and options in mind. Then you would both know exactly what was doable and if he then didn’t want to get married, it would be because he doesn’t want to get married, not because he is concerned about his independence or situation.

Then you could simply tell him the truth, marriage is really important to you and you can see he’s not going there with you currently so you need to move on. 

good luck bee, I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. 

 

 

Post # 35
Member
1321 posts
Bumble bee

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gagal2016:  

If his health problems are fairly new then he likely is struggling to visualise any future; he possibly just needs time to adapt to his own future before he can visualise your place in it. 

I say if he doesn’t propose within your timeframe (by Christmas) the why don’t YOU propose? No reason to wait for him to do it if you’re the one who has thought of it first, there’s always the chance he doesn’t have the right frame of mind to take the initiative himself right now, but might be excited by the idea if it was presented to him. 

Just an opinion.

Post # 36
Member
11385 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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gagal2016:  exactly- If you guys are a team then you can brainstorm solutions and options together. It could just be that he can’t picture how this would work.

But take care of yourself, too. 

Post # 38
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

Hm. i wonder if he feels like he would be irresponsible and tying YOU down if you got married? Perhaps he feels guilty on top of that, and perhaps ashamed he can’t take care of you (many guys do feel this way if something is preventing them from doing so). There are many complex issues here. I suggest you speak to someone who has specialised in psychological help for life issues of people with permanent medical needs – you seem to know what you want in terms of his condition but do you kno how he feels about it in this context? 

Post # 39
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

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gagal2016:  Sounds to me like you have sound judgement and it’s not too much to expect at least a conversation about the future. If he can’t offer up a serious conversation, I would seriously be considering moving on as well. I’m not a fan of wasting time in limbo. I think you have thought things through and stick with your gut.

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