Post # 1
My dad and I have had a very back and forth relationship but every time I give him a shot of redemption he blows it up in my face. I’m now 20 years old and very over giving him chances . I feel conflicted because he’s my dad but i know the kind of person he is. He is an alcoholic and wants to play the picture perfect daddy and he wants to look good for people and i know that he isn’t he wants all the rewards of being a great father but lacks the effort and motivation. He was absolutly awful to my mom when she was alive. to the point she could attend chemo somedays because he wouldn’t help her get there. I know alot of the reasons I dont want him to come is because of few instances in the past that were a while ago and i know i shouldn’t hold on to it forever but i don’t want to give him the oppertunity to ruin my wedding..
Post # 3
It sounds like you will regret any action you take in this matter. I think the question you should ask yourself: “Which one will I regret more? Inviting my father to the wedding of not inviting him”.
Follow your gut with this one.
Post # 4
I fail to see how inviting him could end anyway but badly.
Post # 5
I believe you may have regrets not inviting your father. I have experience with an alcoholic and I understand it can be really difficult. You may want to meet an organization that helps family members who know an alcoholic. I will pray for you! 🙂
Post # 6
I can’t tell you whether or not you should or not, but I will tell you that I didn’t invite my addict, abusive father and have zero regrets. I walked myself down the aisle, skipped the (imo) horrible father daughter dance, and had an amazing wedding. Tbh I’m not even sure if he knows I’m married, but I just dont concern myself with him.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
It’s your wedding. You now have an opportunity to fabricate your new life with your new partner and create the family you didn’t have. Your happiness is paramount, not his.
Post # 8
- Wedding: February 2018 - UK
My father is an awful man. I didn’t invite him, didn’t even tell him I was getting married, and I have zero regrets. My wedding day was a happy day of celebration, having him there would have made me sad, so there was no chance.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
Don’t invite toxic people out of guilt. I had a similar situation with my sister, and ultimately decided not to invite her (despite the suggestion that I do so from my grandpa) because she’s hurt so many people in my family. She would only cause difficulty if she was there, and she has never made any attempt to reconcile or build a healthy relationship, so I decided not to include her.
Post # 10
I have a similar on/off relationship with my dad and I too struggled with what role he would play in my wedding. I know it feels useless to hear, but there really is no right answer here. When is your wedding? Give yourself time to decide. Unless you’re getting married in a couple months, you don’t have to decide right away. Feel things out. Visualize how you would feel on your wedding day with him there and without him there. How will you feel after? Will not inviting him put a definte end to your relationship, or just turn it back “off” for awhile? Would he show up anyway if you didn’t invite him?
Sure, yeah, he’s your dad, but you didn’t choose him and you certainly don’t have to have him in your life if he’s toxic. My dad is not a huge part of my life, but I decided to be limited contact with him because going full no contact caused me stress.
I wish I had better advice for you bee, but I know it’s not that simple. Just know you are not alone and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for whichever choice you decide. It’s not their business and they don’t have to live with the consequences.
Post # 11
I know people will have varied opinions here, but for me, what stood out in your situation was this:
“every time I give him a shot of redemption he blows it up in my face.”
If this is the case, then your wedding will most likely follow the same pattern. Seems a part of you already knows how this may go. If there’s one day of your life you do NOT want something blowing up in your face, it’s your wedding!