(Closed) Deciding on a Maid of Honor

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hey, welcome to the Bee!

You don’t have to pick someone just because they picked you.

As for your friend, you should ask her – and be up front with your concerns, she will likely appreciate it. If you’re very clear what you need her for and when, that will help too – for example, it might be hard for her to do a dress fitting for a Bridesmaid or Best Man gown in the weeks before her wedding. Communication is probably key here.

Post # 4
6019 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

i agree that you do not need to pick someone simply because they picked you. I think you should ask those that you would most like standing next to you on your day, regardless of anything else. I do feel like communication is key and that you should be very up front about your expectations and what you will be willing to do to help ease the stress since your choice Maid/Matron of Honor is also planning.

Post # 5
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I was on the fence about asking anyone to be my Maid/Matron of Honor because I don’t have sisters and actually all my BM’s have sisters and have or will have used their sisters as MOH’s. I decided that my friend I’ve known the longest and the one who has been through everything with me is my Maid/Matron of Honor and my 3 other friends will be BM’s.  I did choose one girl inparticular because she has always been the “older sister” type to me and I look to her for advice and wisdome even if we don’t hang out that often.  I felt it was important to have a girl like that stand beside me when I don’t have any real sisters.

Post # 7
1089 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013


I would ask the friend that you really want to have. I would explain to her that she doesn’t have to say yes if she thinks it will be too much for her.

I have asked 3 of my best friends knowing that they probably will not be able to come to my destination wedding. I am ok with them saying no and I explained that they should not be pressured in anyway. I still asked them because they are my best friends. It at least gives them the option to choose.

And never picked some one because you feel you should.

Edit: Just read your last message.

That is good you are going to pick the one you wanted. I wouldn’t explain to the other girl why you didn’t pick her persay. I would just say something along the lines that you guys decided that you are only going to have 3 people in your wedding party. I would apologize for not asking her but I would stress that I really value her friendship.



Post # 8
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think you should definitely choose your friend as your Maid/Matron of Honor.  I was actually in an almost identical situation.  My Maid/Matron of Honor got married six and a half months before me, and I wasn’t in her wedding (she has four sisters, plus she asked her SIL and her one very best friend).  I had some of the same concerns as you – time, money, etc. – but I asked anyway, and she accepted.  I think she was surprised that I asked her, but having her as my Maid/Matron of Honor has been one of the best parts of the wedding so far.  I don’t regret my decision in the least.

You don’t have to ask your other friend to be a bridesmaid just because she asked you, and you don’t have to explain yourself.  If she asks why, just tell her that you wanted to keep the wedding party small, so you could only pick family and the one friend.

Post # 10
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Cryssieshine:  So glad to hear the good news!  Good luck with asking your FSILs, and I hope things go smoothly with your other friend!

Post # 11
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Cryssieshine: I’m glad your Maid/Matron of Honor accepted!

I wouldn’t say anything to the girl you don’t want in the wedding party. You don’t need to justify your decision to anyone. Just don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, and leave it at that- don’t bring it up to her that you DON’T want her there. If she asks, say you wanted to keep the wedding party small and you’re sorry, and leave it at that- no explanation necessary.

Post # 12
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s normal to feel as if you need to repay the favor and have that person on your bridal party. I just wouldn’t bring it up around her at all.  

Congrats on having your Maid/Matron of Honor accept, Yay!
Happy planning. 🙂

Post # 14
132 posts
Blushing bee

@Cryssieshine:  I wouldn’t say anything to her.  You don’t need to go around telling people you haven’t asked that they aren’t being asked.  They will figure it out.  If she asks you about it, you can say that you wanted to have a small bridal party. 

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