- 7 months ago
- Wedding: August 1983
I had none. No fuss, no trouble, no expense–perfect.
I had none. No fuss, no trouble, no expense–perfect.
It depends a lot on A) your relationship to and with them and B) what kind of wedding party you want to have.
Do you want them all to wear the exact same thing? How flexible will you be with their budgets? Will you be upset if some of them can’t come to pre-parties participate in other activities? The more rigid you want the bridal party to be, the fewer people you should choose.
I had 7 which was a LOT, but I was very easy going with what they wore and with bridesmaid activities. They chose their own outfits so that they could fit their very variable budgets and body types/personal styles. And our pre-parties were very chill, cheap and 100% optional. (Husband and I have 5 sisters between us plus my 2 best friends and I didn’t want to leave anyone out)
I did want everyone in the same dress but I sent around 12 options from Azazie via email and everyone sent me their favorites. I foot the bill for 6 samples and me and two of my local friends came over and we took pictures of all of us in the dresses and sent it around to the other bridesmaids and collectively came to a decision. Told them all any neutral shoes they want.
My bridesmaids are my closest friends and family, I just want people next to me to celebrate with me in whichever way they choose. There really wasn’t anything to have drama over.
Hi bees! Thanks for all the advice so far. I should have added in the original post that we are having an Indian wedding so the bridesmaid role will be a little different. Typically the bridesmaids don’t take part in the ceremony, it’s more for the camaraderie (spell check). We’re about a year out. I don’t even know if they’d be wearing matching dresses for the ceremony or reception yet. Our ceremony and reception will be on separate days. Also, they are local and without children except for my sister. I also think I’ll be okay if everyone can’t make it for the bachelorette and/or shower (if there even is one),
I guess my main issue is that with a smaller bridal party, 3 of the bridesmaids would be our sisters. One of his sisters introduced us to each other and was also my close friend before we even started dating. If we did do a smaller bridal party, I feel that it would be hard for me to not include my other close friends since I see them often and we are in constant communication. I also think that my friends are reliable and lovely people. I also totally get the burden though, I was recently a Maid/Matron of Honor for my close friend and it was a lot more work than I imagined. I know that finances could be an issue for some of them and I definitely don’t want to burden anyone. I would love to include them in another way but given that the ceremony doesn’t include bridesmaids really I’m not sure how it would work out. I just always imagined that they would be in the wedding, but without realizing the logistics.
We both have large families (5-10+ siblings for each of our parents) so at least adding a close cousin or two into the bridal party is likely (which is how we’d end up with 9 if I wanted to include any friends at all).
I’m not sure why people are saying that you should have a smaller wedding party to help with their costs. It would help with your own costs, but the more people in the wedding party the more people they have to split coats with. I’m in two upcoming weddings, one has 3 bridesmaids the other has 12. I paid $100 for the shower with 12 bridesmaids and am going to end up shelling out about $500 for the one with only 3. I’m also having hella drama with the 3-bridesmaid wedding and have had absolutely none at all with the 12-bridesmaids.
I’d say include everyone you want to. Don’t cut people out just for the sake of ‘keeping it smaller’.
I’m having 3. I wouldn’t at all mind having two sisters-in-law up there too, but then my fiance would be obligated to have my 3 brothers and his brother-in-law – that’s 4 people extra for him, vs just 2 for me. In the end and especially with covid, we decided no family in the wedding party. I have 3 close girl friends and honestly, I’d only consider 2 of them my ‘ride or die’ friends; the third is more friends with them than me, but we’ve been a foursome for ten years now and it would be really crappy of me to exclude her. It’s not a big deal though; three is perfect and we are all friends already. I expect I’d be a bridesmaid in all their weddings BUT I told my MoH that I don’t want her to feel pressured to have me be her MoH in return if/when she eventually gets married (she is single). I want people to do whatever they want to do.
Anything more than 4 is ‘a lot’ to me, but that’s also just my style. My fiance would be happy with just our parents on a beach, haha, so he is fine with 3 guy friends.
My sister-in-law had… 7-9; can’t remember. Her original bridesmaids (this is her second marriage) plus friends made since then, and myself. I told her beforehand that I didn’t want her to feel obligated to make me a bridesmaid if she had friends she’d rather prioritize. I don’t like people expecting all family included but I know some do, so I just wanted to let her know!
Yes, there was some drama. After two girls wanted to plan a trip to Jamaica ($1500?? Hard pass) and then it completely fell apart, myself and two others ended up picking up the pieces because it was clear there’d BE no bach party otherwise. Oddly enough, the two that planned it with me had a big potential for drama, but luckily everything was good and we had a great time – one was my other brother’s ex-wife, who originally introduced the bride and groom. After she and my brother divorced, my brother dated one of my best friends, who got to know the bride and groom during that time. So yep, my brother’s ex-wife AND ex-girlfriend were both bridesmaids. Any drama had been a few years before, and the ex-wife even reached out to the ex-gf to let her know there were no hard feelings (she’d been upset/pissed a bit when they dated originally) and they got along great! It was mostly just us AT the bachelorette as well, though I liked it like that because I didn’t know the other girls like AT ALL. Ultimately the two Matron of Honors were completely useless. One contributed a small amount to the weekend and neither came.
I’m HOPING I can pay for my bridesmaids hair and I’m keeping the dress price about $90-100 and they can wear whatever nude shoes and jewelry. I don’t want them going broke over this, I don’t want drama, and I can’t afford to help a bunch of girls anyway.
One thing I would consider is the MoH and do the girls all know each other. I felt like things were difficult because at the other wedding, we did NOT all know each other, and the MoH girls seemed too busy to really help with ANYTHING or even come ultimately, which kind of annoyed me. I think one also had a baby and/or toddler. So I get it, but I am not sure I would have asked them to be my MoH knowing they weren’t able to contribute anything, and it makes me sad that the bride felt she HAD to ask all of her original crew, even if she wasn’t really close with them anymore. My MoH has a stressful job (educator during covid, yikes) BUT no kids, SO, or pets, it’s just 3 girls total, and they are very close friends. I KNOW the others will pitch in with planning as needed (and already are, she said), and I am confident there will be little to zero drama.
We will be having 5 bridesmaids and 1maid of honour they are all of our siblings.