(Closed) Deciding to have babies even though you don't want babies

posted 6 years ago in TTC
  • poll: Deciding to have babies
    Wait until we want kids : (172 votes)
    92 %
    Start TTC now, before its too late! : (6 votes)
    3 %
    Other - please explain : (8 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    540 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would say wait until you want kids. And, add a poll!  🙂

    Post # 4
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I wouldn’t do this. What happens if you never want kids or have them and hate being a mom?

    Keep in mind that it’s easier to have kids later on (either medically or through adoption) if want them than it is to give them back if you don’t (pretty sure that’s impossible)

    Post # 6
    5009 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2012

    @KellyLouise:  I feel like this a lot. I feel like I ought to have kids but don’t really want them at the moment. We’ve agreed that we’re going to give it a try in a year or so because we feel like we ought to before I turn 30, but I’m sometimes really negative about them and sometimes baby crazy.

    Post # 7
    9181 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

    how old are you?  That is super relevant.  My fiance and I are waiting til I’m 33ish to start TTC even though that’s kinda late, because we’re definitely not ready for kids in the next couple years.  (I’d have to quit my job, he’s just starting off in his career, etc.)  Unless you’re of the age where fertility becomes a serious issue, I’d wait until you feel at least somewhat ready and excited.

    Post # 8
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’ve struggled with this before.

    The possibility of not being able to have children is something that has always terrified me.  It has gotten to the point where SO has said that if I was truly worried, he would be fine with going down to the courthouse ASAP to get married (we arent even engaged yet!) and TTC right away.

    After a bit of soul searching, I realized that it is best to just go with the flow.  I’m enjoying life as it is right now.  While I would welcome an unexpected child with open arms, I honestly don’t want them right now.  I’m enjoying my 20s a lot.  The time for them will come, and theres no real need to panic about it just yet.

    Post # 9
    4582 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Darling Husband had baby fever since we got married and I never really had it. I always felt like I wanted a family eventually but never really felt a strong urge. So we decided to TTC this past summer, since I’m approaching 30 and figured it might be “too late” by the time I feel ready. We expected it to take a while but I got pregnant our second month trying. It was a shock initially and I was a bit freaked out, but since I saw our baby at our first ultrasound, I’ve been smitten. I’m still terrified but also very excited!

    Post # 10
    701 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2004

    wait i thought it would take over a year for Darling Husband and myself.. and then yep we were one of those “magical” ones that get pregnant on the firts month of not using protection… so do think it cant happen. cause it can.. it did.. to us. we thought we had longer.. we dont. We are however both so hapy to be pregnant, but still in shock even though we are about 4 months in… so wait is my advice.

    Post # 11
    8041 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @KellyLouise:  Really depends on age. If you’re like 35, I’d say that maybe you should do it, but if you’re under 30 I’d say to wait a bit.

    I’m in a similar boat. I’m 27 now. I wouldn’t TTC until I’m 30 or so… I am hoping I get a stronger urge then. I like babies and kids, I’m just terrified of the whole process and the huge life-changing responsibility. I tend to focus on the negatives, though.

    Post # 12
    344 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I thought about this as well, so I’m happy to read other’s posts. I also think about that and about not beign able to conceive because infertility does run in my family. The way I see it now is, If I want to and it doesn’t happen, I can always adopt (that is something we want to do anyways, but we want to be forster parents). If you are worried about age, STOP! No one can tell you when to have kids, you have to decide that. You probabbly get asked that all the time and let me tell you it does not get anny better with time. Just rub it off and don’t think about what if.

    Post # 13
    533 posts
    Busy bee

    I’m 25. He is 27. Married in like 6 months. We’ve spoken about it but I’ve never wanted kids. But then I worry that I will and if we don’t at least have one, I’ll regret it. Won’t even think about trying until we’ve bought our house. See how life goes 🙂 

    Post # 14
    2576 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Do not TTC unless you are ready, and MORE IMPORTANTLY want kids.

    Just because it is the ‘done thing’ does not mean it is something you should do. You can make the script to your life what you want. Heck, you may NEVER want to have kids. 

    Post # 15
    3204 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would say definitely DON’T start trying to have kids now. Have you seen all the articles and studies they’ve done recently about kids born of parents that didn’t really want kids, or the pregnancy was a mistake? Or the ones where parents think being a parent is the worst, most depressing job they’ve ever endured and they hate it? 

    I’m not saying this to scare you or be mean or whatever. But I think this is something that our society needs to realize. Not everyone wants kids, and that is JUST FINE. Sometimes moms hate being a mom and realize after having a child that they didn’t want to have children. If you want a child later, you will find a way to have one when you are ready, but you can’t go back once you do have a kid.

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