Post # 1
My fiance and I are from totally different parts of the country, but met/currectly live in a third, totally different part of the country. We don’t think we’ll live in this third place forever, especially after we’ve gotten married and started considering children. We’d like to move home… but which one? Since we both very much like where we live now, this wasn’t a huge topic of discussion prior to getting engaged, though we know in hindsight it should have been. Both of our relative families/parents really want us to move close to them. He’d prefer to be near his family, and I’d prefer to be near mine. I know my parents were sad when I’d moved away in the first place, and would be heartbroken if I told them I was never coming back, and I’m sure my fiance’s parents feel the same about him.
How have others dealt with this difficult situation? How did you ultimately decide what was right? We want to spend our lives together, so we won’t go separate ways over this, but looking for advice on how to deal with it.
Post # 2
What are the difference between the two places? Does one have better career prospects, perhaps one has more affordable housing? Do either of you have a more compelling reason to pick your own home town? – A sick relative or parent, or help with childcare for example?
How far apart are the two places, have you considering living in the middle rather than picking?
My Fiance and I met a university where neither of us had family and ended up moving to another city shortly after graduation for the career prospects. It isn’t either of our home towns but we are going to settle here as it offered us more than either of our homes. This city is about a two hour drive from his family and a flight away to mine so it isn’t impossible to visit but it isn’t close. In an ideal world I would prefer to be closer to my family but when you meet someone who doesn’t live locally to you these are just the downsides that come with the relationships. I completely feel for you on this bee, it’s difficult no matter what you choose.
Post # 3
I think going by where you can both find good job and hopefully have a decent cost of living is a fairway to decide. My sister lives near her husband’s family because he got a really good job he loved and the cost of living was low enough that she’s able to be a sahm for their kids until they are older.
I have another sister who rotates every 4-5 years they move between here and her in laws area. But that’s mostly because they run an Etsy business, so they aren’t toed to one location. Also her Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law are diagnosed with mental difficulties that make living near them and supporting them really difficult. 4-5 years is about how long my sister can last before she leaves for her own mental health. Then his mom or dad gets sick and they go back to help out for awhile. It may take some time before they go back again. Both her Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law are in and out of hospitals and were blaming my sister for not being their unpaid servant and doing everything for them. They made life miserable for her, so they returned here a couple of months ago and have both settled in fairly well.