(Closed) Deciding whether or not to have children

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

A lot of people, including myself, have this problem. Since you’re still young, I’d just try to relax about it. Enjoy your life as it OS now and if you get maternal urges in a few years (totally normal once the biological clock starts ticking), revisit the issue with your Fiance. Even tho it can be nice to plan out your life, I think this is just one of those cases where you have to wait and see how you both feel about it.

Post # 4
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I have zero advice, but I had to comment because I’ve been going through the exact same thought process for YEARS now. Do I/don’t I? It’s so tough because, truly, there are huge pros and huge cons to both choices. And at the end of the day, if I choose not to have kids and wind up regretting it down the line, well, there’s nobody else suffering but me. But I’m terrified that I will find parenthood unbearably suffocating. I’m an only child, I’ve always been very independent and desperately need a healthy amount of my own personal space/”me time.” And “me time” just doesn’t exist when you have young kids. I’m scared that I would wind up resenting the incessant demands on my body, my sleep, my space, my time, and that the kid(s) would sense this. And I wouldn’t want to do that to anyone. 

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I didn’t get the baby fever until late twenties, early thirties.  Biologically, you don’t really need to worry about declining fertilty until after 35.  Even then it is totally possible, you just have a yearly uptick in chances for complications.  I would talk to Fiance about giving yourself five years to think about it, with the opportunity to revisit the issue sooner if something changes for either of you.

There is always doubt with kids.  This is a scary life transition.  Some people want them, some don’t, but I think both choices are totally fine and frequently involve some doubt. 

Post # 6
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You have 10-15 years until you have to actually worry about it. At this point it sounds like you are not wanting to. I feel the same way but there’s no reason to worry about it now! Plus, it’s not like you can’t adopt in your 40’s if you change your mind. 

Post # 7
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

My SO and I are still fairly young, 24 and 26 and we have decided that if we ever get to the point that we want kids, we’ll adopt. We’d most likely adopt older children (3 & up) because they tend to be the ones who are forgotten (that would also skip much of the baby ickiness not that I would be uncomfortable with it). We just know that there is a surplus of children on earth and we might as well give one a decent home if we are able to provide one.

Post # 8
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’m in the same boat, and currently leaning towards “no.” I enjoy sleeping, travelling, and spontaneous sex too much right now. We are going to revisit the issue when my SO is 35. We aren’t going to be having a child until both of us 100% want one because it’s only fair to the child that way, so it may just not happen. 

Post # 9
Member
7770 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@SweetChick:  My best advice is.. don’t force it.  If and when it is right you will know.  I am going through this debate with Darling Husband and we go back and forth.  We just decided to wait!  I have to remind myself that my mother gave birth to my healthy sister at 42.

I forgot to add: we plan to adopt from foster care if and when we decide we are ready.

Post # 10
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

You do have lots of time still, so I wouldn’t worry. I’m 24 now (we both are) and at the moment neither of us wants or even really likes children. I just see so many awful ones and I hate them. If you change your mind, great, if not – lots of people don’t have kids. You’ll have more time to travel and do what you want.

Post # 11
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You’ve got plenty of time.  

I find that if I question my decision, it is because I was never sure of the decision to begin with.  I think that you might change your mind as you get older and after you are married.  Your biological clock starts ticking and you get mad baby fever.  Ok, maybe that is just me.

Some people really just decide to live without kids.  My sister is one of them.  It really is a personal choice but I don’t think that ruling it out totally is a wise decision and if you’re doubtful, maybe re-open the discussion with your Fiancee and at least leave it as an option down the road, even though it may not be right for the two of you right now.

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